Girlfriend and mom problem,what should I do??

Question

here's the situation.Im try my best to make a long story short.
Im 23 and my girl is 20.we been together for a year and 3 months.She has my name tatooed on her back.She had a hard life,mom died when she was young and her father was abusive.She has a godmother though that she considers her mother and her family.
here's the problem.me and my girl had broke up for 2 weeks about 3 months ago but got back together.My mom claimed her older sister had called and made threats saying she was gon kill me or hurt me next time I hurt her sister or something like that.My girl said my mom is lying and that her sister would never say anything like that.Make a long story short my girl and mom got into a big argument over this because my mom dont want me to go over there.I know Im grown and make my own decisons but I dont wanna worry my mom to death.My girl is real pissed off and said I got my mom to thank for ruining the relationship.
What should I do

my girl has met most of my fam,I didnt meet none of her's,I only spoke to them on the phone.reason why i didnt go see her fam link right here:http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Avl39XQNlL4oyHgq_VP_ATDty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071212213227AAsyVtl

Also it seems like my girl wants to hold a grudge against my moms.I ttried talking to her about this more than once but it seem like she doesnt want any solution.I really need somebody to talk too so I tell more about the story of this siutaion.What should I do

another thing me and my girl live with our mom until we get our own place

Answer 1

ok firstly, one thing I believe about relationships is you are not dating your mother or their family you are dating THAT person. That being said, if you feel that that person is making things difficult and causing problems between you and your family (in this case your mother), is she really the right person for you? Also, another thing to consider, I am assuming since your girlfriend had a hard life her sister has as well. Her sister might have indeed said those things, but it might be a simple case of they have both come from a hard background and she doesn't want to see her sister hurt anymore. Why don't you consider talking to the sister about it face to face instead of hearing second hand from both your mother and your girlfriend. Explain to her what it is doing to your relationship and see if you can work out what really happened. Once that is done then you can try to mend things between your mother and your girlfriend, maybe you girlfriend doesn't realize her sister was trying to protect her and maybe your mother doesn't realize that your girlfriends family is just upset when they see each other hurting. No matter what try to remain neutral, don't choose sides between one or the other because I am sure you care about your mother and your girlfriend both very much. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship. Oh and one other thing, you should try explaining to your mom what your girlfriend has come from, I think she needs to realize that you have been blessed with a loving and caring family and not everyone is so blessed. Tell her you want her to get along with your girlfriend. Sorry this is so long, but I hope it helps.

Answer 2

Well, more than likely, that threat shouldn't be considered potential for the fact that when do you hear of people actually killing others over things such as break ups? If she really did say it, it's just showing that her sister is close and cares for her. Assure your mother that her sister is only looking out for your girl, but 99/100 she won't act upon anything if you break up. She'll just comfort your sister, and maybe make another threat or 2. Rub them off, it's her sisters way to vent her anger that has built from your girl being sad during that time. I'd also try to talk to her sister, be nice about it, but tell her you didn't mean to hurt your girl if it was you, and that your back together and talking to her about it for a reason, because you care. Now as for your mother, know she's only trying to protect you, which is why I say assure her nothing is going to happen and that your going to address the problem.

Answer 3

People come with baggage. It sounds like your wife's background has programmed her to burn bridges with family members and to believe that high levels of family strife is "normal". I'm not saying this is her FAULT - just that it is what was modeled for her while she grew up.

So, if you stay with her expect that attitude of hers to cause many problems over the years, not only with your Mom but also with you and any other relatives including hers AND any kids you may have.

Perhaps the effects came be mitigated with counselling, but typically for that to work people have to get to a point in their life where they not only recognize that there is a serious problem but also accept some responsibility for it and are willing to do the hard work with a therapist to work through the issues in their past in order to affect real change. Most people never get to that point and if they do it's more likely to be in middle age.

Also, concerning her sister's alleged "threat", did you do something to "hurt" your girlfriend such as hit her, cheat on her, etc. Because you need to clear the air with her older sister and try to establish a good relationship with her. The truth is probably somewhere between her story and your mom's but either way, if she's protective enough of her younger sister then she very well might do something to hurt you "next time" or several years down the road. So if you intend to stay with this girl you better clear the air not only with her but with her sister.

Answer 4

Ok, things don't look any good in this relationship, for the things that happens on your girlfriend's house (the other answer link) it seems pretty risky to stay on this relationship. You are young and need to make sure of your decisions, at your age, I had 3 years relationships that at the end didn't work out cause I was inmature. Living together is a big commitment and comes with big responsabilities. If you really want to be with this girl, the best thing is to talk to both of your ladies. Communicate, if she is the girl of your life, then you have to do something about, you need to keep peace between her and your mom.

Answer 5

Your gf seems a bit childish. She should understand how you're feeling, caught up between her and your mom and try to work out a solution that you both can live with. She's not being reasonable. Your mom is just looking out for you, but the decision is entirely your own. Parents have to let go sometime and let their kids learn to live and make mistakes. The best thing would probably be the three of you(and maybe the sister) sitting down and talking it through.

And if the sister's denying the threat, either she or your mom's lying. She's lying cos she doesn't want to let go of her only sister, or your mom's lying cos she doesn't want to let you go. Find out who it is and talk to them. If it's the sister, tell your gf about it and ask her to talk to her and let her know she'll always be her sister, no matter what. Same goes for you and your mom.

Oh, and feel free to contact me if you want to talk about it :)

Answer 6

Instead of telling what you should do, I'll tell what I would do if I were you.

Firstly, if Im 23, Im old enough to decide what I want in life.

If I feel like I really love this girl, then I'd ask her to apologize to my mom (Mom comes first) and get to the bottom of the matter - I'd find out for sure if her sister did call up or not. I would really dig until I found out the truth. Once I know the truth, (a) if her sister did call and threaten my mom, I'd ensure an apology from the sister, and that this NEVER happens in the future. Finally I'd tell the girl that this behavior of blaming my mom is unacceptable. If she really loves me and wants me in her life, she's got to mend her ways and accept my family the way it is.
(b) If her sister didn't call (which is unlikely), then I'd find out who called (if my mom is telling the truth, which is likely) and explain to my Mom the real situation - that I love this girl and would really appreciate if she made an effort to get along with her.

If I felt I don't love this girl, then I'd lay it out gently and break up with her. Better now then later. She's 20 and is capable of taking care of herself.. unless she is a real wreck (in which case, its likely that the girl is to blame rather than mom).

Answer 7

Am I correct to assume you still live with Mom? If you really want to solve your problem, move out of your mothers house. After all, you are 23 years old. You'll be caught up in the middle as long as you allow them to keep you there. They've both got you in a hold. Your mother by the umbilical cord and your girlfriend by your penis. Put a stop to it now.

Answer 8

You need to sit down with everyone in the same place at the same time. Tell them that their fighting is upsetting you and you want to find a way to resolve this.

It does sound like your girlfriend is being shady if you haven't met her family yet. Keep in mind that you may not know everything about her, but your mom has always been there.

Answer 9

Your girl may want out. She seems to be sabotaging the relationship.
By the way, has anyone asked the sister if she made the phone call. If the phone call was real and another blowup happens you may need a protective order.
It tend to agree with your mom. this does not sound like a healthy relationship.
You are right, you do need someone to talk to. You should consider finding a counselor or pastor to talk to.

Answer 10

Just read your link and I would get rid of this girl I only see trouble for you. Her home life seems awful with no real guidance in life. If I was your mother I would be concerned about the relationship and the back ground they girl comes from.