No light at the end of the tunnel. Please help! So depressed?

Question

b/c my husband and I broke up on Christmas. This has been a long time coming, but the last straw just came on Christmas. We are 27. We have 2 kids--9 and 2. My husband cannot afford to get his own place, so he is staying in the house. He goes out every night (just so he doesn't have to be around me) and comes home at 3:00a.m. after partying with his friends. My husband is also an alcoholic. I work full-time and take care of my children and never get any time to myself. I asked my parents to babysit on New Years and they told me no b/c they are afraid my husband will show up at their house and want the kids and cause a scene. I have no one else to watch my kids. I really need to get out. My parents also said I need to be home with my kids, but I NEVER go out. It's not like I neglect my children or anything. My husband has been making comments about other women and I feel like no one will want me w/ 2 kids. I know I shouldn't care about that, but can't help feeling that way.

Answer 1

You are going to be just fine hon. I'm so proud of you for getting out of this for yours and your kids' sakes. Not many women are strong enough to do even that. Now your next step needs to be getting his bum out of the house. Keep pushing him to get his own place. Your kids don't need to see him coming home drunk, it's gotta be confusing for them any ways.
As far as New Years go, I suggest you sit home and watch the count down with your kids. Get a bunch of snack foods and noise makers and sparkiling grape juice in clear plastic champagne glasses and give them some fun and normalcy they probably haven't had in a while.
You DO deserve to get out of the house but it may take a while for your parents to feel comfortable enough to take the kids. Maybe once they do they can take the kids to a movie while you go out with your friends? I doubt your ex will hunt them down at a theatre.
As far as men goes... you WILL find another man hon. Just don't let yourself get down in the dump. Just cuz your home with your kids doesn't mean you should let yourself fall apart... do your makeup and dress to the ritz... maybe the pizza guy or the guy next to you in line at the grocery store will be the one? Good luck... if you need a chat email me [e-mail]

Answer 2

Maybe try to look at other childcare options for them if your parent don't want to be involved. I wouldn't think, but of course I don't know him or you, that if he is going out all the time he would waste his time causing a scene at mom and dads house. But thats a risk they apparently don't want to take.

So look at other people in your life that may offer you some help for the night.

The alternative is, kick him out get a divorce and move on with your life and go out some other time. Regardless if he can afford to get a place on his own or not thats not your problem. If your dont then your done and I can promise you this you wont have many men wanting to be involved with you with that drama. Having 2 kids and bing truly single is one thing but having your ex husband still living with you and being an alchy is another. So be a little selfish and think about you and the kids and what your long term plans are.

Answer 3

Your kids have to come first. sorry.

Kick that worthless dog husband out on the street. It is too bad he can't afford his own place. Let him sleep at someone else's house. Also get the best attorney you can find. Make sure the attorney demands your husband go into family and alcohol counselling. Get child and spousal support. You will be able to afford a babysitter when he is forking over support. Get the court to spell out how he is to behave so your parents can babysit without worrying what he might do. Maybe you could trade off babysitting with a girlfriend so you could have some time to yourself. Good luck. Do what you have to do to make 2008 a good year for you and your kids.

Answer 4

You need to ask your husband to leave if you are really thinking about divorce. If you can't find a babysitter for new year's there is always another day. You can probably find a babysitter on another day so that you can go out and have a little fun, not too much. In regards to someone not wanting you with 2 kids, that's not true, because these days divorce and single parents are in style. A lot of people today have been divorced at least once or are single parents for different reasons.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like you are being a bit selfish. Your kids need you right now. Imagine what they are going through. How they are feeling. I agree with your mother, you need to be home with your children right now. Don't worry about finding somebody else or somebody not wanting you with two kids. I felt the same way when I left my ex husband and I didn't find anybody until I worked on myself and learned to respect myself. I had to get over my ex husband before I could start anything that would work long term. You just separated from your husband, that is a major thing. Chill a minute and be with your children. They need their mother more than ever right now, especially with their father being an alcoholic. Maybe go to an alanon meeting. Alanon is for people that are affected by somebody that drinks.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Wow.

not the most ideal christmas present

obviously he has his own issues if he is an alcoholic
and its not really a good idea for him to be around your children if he is drunk

it might be a good idea for you to arrange for a babysitter [someone you trust] and have some adult time for you to relax.
or meet up with some friends to have some adult conversation this should happen once or twice a month to avoid making matters worse.

you could try making a promise to your parents that your husband wouldn't show up because he has no right showing up at your parents house if he is drunk, young children don't need to see their father like that because they may develope a type of fear of him. either way your parent should be there to support you whenever! They are your parents! that what they are here for! to support and love you!

it also sounds like your husband has some childish behaviour! i know it might be hard but ignore him if you show him that it's not getting to you then he should lay off! and if you are providing the roof over his head then he has absolutley no right to make comments like that! it will get to you but even still.....

i have had problems and i am still going through them but remember

** theres ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel**

even if you think there is no way out!
there always will be!

you have to be strong for the sake of your children! they need there mom/mum.


hope this helps...

write back

love steph x

Answer 7

I realize you are likely going crazy, but right now maybe you need to think of the big picture rather than New Years Eve. Your parents may be right - your husband may show up and make a big scene, and that truly would be unfair to them.

If you and your husband are breaking up, you need to get your life in order and figure out how things are going to work. If your husband is an alcoholic and will not seek treatment, you cannot be responsible for that. You need to think of your life and your children first.

You may want to consider planning an evening out that isn't New Years Eve. That way it may be easier to get someone to look after your children.

You need to start planning a life, and stop worrying about getting out in the short term.

Answer 8

Your parents are copping out on you. I certainly hope you told them that. They are lying about their reason not to watch those kids. YOU need to leave that house honey. There are many, many men who will accept you and your two children. Don't feel so down about that. For now, get on your feet! You are an adult with two children. Obviously, your ex doesn't care, so please, care for those children and don't let them see any more of this behavior. I come from a broken home. I was 9. It was horrible and I still have very bad memories of it which has absolutely affected my relationships now. So, please, take care of those kids first.

I wish you all well and send blessings you way. Stay strong and do the right thing by those children. They are your priority right now!!

Answer 9

You can go to the courthouse in the county that you live in and file for a protection order against him until you can file for divorce. You must have a good reason for filing a protection order and it sounds like you do..his drinking and mental abuse against you, you could say that you are afraid of him and you are afraid for the safety of your children. Tell them you are especially afraid of him when he drinks and tell them that he drinks all the time. It shouldn't cost you anything to get a protection order and that will get him out of the house for good. The sheriff will serve the protection order papers on him and he will have to leave. At least then you can have some peace in your life and the lives of your children. You may think that the kids don't know what is going on but believe me they see and feel it all. It shouldn't cost too much to file for divorce-35$ here. And with him out of the house you could get on public assistance for awhile and they can provide you with a lawyer. If not,call your states legal aid office and maybe they could help. Life CAN be much better but you have to take the first step..you can do it, you'll be glad you did and so will your kids. You deserve better! Good luck!

Answer 10

Face it you are a nice person and your ex-husband is an alcoholic loser. Call the cops and get him evicted. Since you are going through a divorce you need to separate from him. If you are just renting the house, walk away from your lease and move. If at all possible move in for the time being with your parents. There are many divorce help groups try contacting them. Do anything you can to get away from this bum. It will be good for your self esteem, confidence and your kids. Good Luck.