Teenagers - with attitude - Parenting -Teens hurting themselves?

Question

Just wrote a question about this more...But have to ask something along the same lines...
I know i hate it when kids cry and are upset...4 and 2..But I know I have to suck it up and they will be ok.
Im thinking this is a problem for my sister and her teen. Since I dont see how shes hasnt been grounded for longer period of times for attitude, disrespect, back talk, ect...
Also this 14 yr old..About 2 yrs ago - attemped to drink bleach cuz she got caught skipping school and was in trouble...More orless a cry for help, IMO. She had meds and meetgins for awhile, Dont think anymore. But Im thinking is this a fear in some teenagers parents - Afraid to disapline the teens in fear they will hurt themselves...

Answer 1

Hi, I answered your other question too. lol

You have every reason to be deeply concerned for your niece. She is in for a world of hurt if her mother does not start providing strong bounderies that she sticks too firmly, does not give in at all.

Yes, it hurts parents to see their children cry and seem to be in some type of emotional pain. I want to share what you could consider doing when your children are crying and throwing fits. Give it a try a few times and see how quickly they calm down.

When children are throwing a fit it is because of one of two things. They either are not feeling heard, or are upset because they can't have something they want. Children at this age do not understand why they can't have candy right before dinner, or why they need to go to bed at a certain hour, when they want to play longer or do something else.

When your children are upset, repeat back everything they say. If they say, I want....., respond with, You want........

Be sympethetic, and repeat everything back they say. If they say it loudly, you say it loudly in return, so they know you are listening to them and really hear them. When you repeat back what they say, they know you hear them because their own words are coming from their mother's mouth. Once they calm down, you can say how sorry you are that they are upset, and cuddle them.

But, do not, and I repeat do not, give them what they were screaming for. If you do, the next fit will be longer and more nasty, because you have set a precedent that if they scream lound and long enough they get what they want. Then, they are in control, but they do not have bounderies, and so will not feel safe.

I appreciate your concern for your niece. I am sure you love her very much. However, she is not your responsibility. You can watch what your sister does which makes matters worse, and then not do those things with your own children.

Sometimes parents give in because they feel guilty over a tragic event in the life of their child(ren). They want to "make up for it", but in realtiy, all they are doing is making life more difficult for that child(ren), not making life better.

Children crave several things: First, they crave love and acceptance. To know they are fully known, and accepted for the good and in spite of the bad. Next, they crave bounderies, bounderies make them feel safe. They push the bounderies because they need to know whether or not when push comes to shove that they will stand, and keep them safe. Next, they need to feel heard, fully heard. They need responsibilities which enable them to grow and mature, not take things they have for granted, they need to work for them. Children and adults value what they work for more than what they are given. Finally, children need to learn compassion and charity, and see how difficult other people's lives are in comparision to their own. This way they can appreciate the things in life they have, and understand that not everyone is as blesses as they are.

Don't you like when you know you are being heard. Doesn't it make you feel valued and validated when you are heard? Children feel exactly the same way, only they don't have the words to put to what they need and so can't ask for it directly.

You are a good parent. Nobody is a perfect parent. If you do your level best to provide those things outlines above, you and your children will be fine. You will still struggle during the teenage years but you will not have your children hurting themselves to attempt to get the attention they crave. To be seen and heard as a valued individual.

What you give your children monetarily is of the least importance. It is what you give them emotionally which lasts the most and has the most value. Your sister has somehow dropped the ball with your niece. I am sure she loves her daugher, but she hasn't a clue on what to do to provide for her daughters emotional needs. I am not being mean, just stating the truth. Children do not hurt themselves when they feel valued and heard.

Answer 2

This shouldn't be a reason for a parent to stop disciplining their children. DONT BE AFRAID OF YOUR CHILDREN! This child needs serious therapy and frequent visits to help the parent and child get through this period. She has psychological problems that a parent is not skilled in so she she remain in therapy until the doc says its ok to lessen the sessions. When a kid hurts themselves, they are sick and need a professional. So give this advice to your friend: You are not skilled to go at it alone, so get frequent sessions with a therapist to get this behavior under control because its going to escalate. One session is not going to cut it; she needs to seek help through the United Way; The Mental Health and Mental Retardation Association; and there will be plenty of resources to help out.

Answer 3

I have honestly never heard of this but I am not saying that it does not happen I can picture a kid or teen getting his/her way and not getting into trouble because they threaten to hurt themselves. I would send my kid to a mental hospital I know that it sounds extreame but then maybe they would realize that they should not do things like that. I dont know what to say but it is a problem I am sure.

Answer 4

i know it is for my parents. thats why they give in. but you have to trust your kids to be mentally stable enough to handle responsibilites that come with teenage years. if your gonna do something bad, your gonna get in trouble & you shouldn't take the easy way out just cause your punished.

im 15, i get punished alot but i accept it. at first i would get upset and once i even cut myself. but than i learned if im gonna do something bad there are consequences. they will get used to the idea of punishment, i know i did and im a much better person for it.

Answer 5

Parents should just be tough with their kids from the beginning. Then they won't have this problem.