how can you give a baby up?

Question

Just a question I am heavely pregnant and am reading stories about people who give up ther babys I have so much love already for my child and I wondered how people cope after giving them up it must be so hard

Answer 1

congratulations by the way. I am going to answer this from a person that was adopted, and as someone who has adopted- and met the birth moms of my 2 children. How could these 3 women carry us to term, and then place us in the arms of another woman? I personally know that it was difficult for both of my kid's birth moms. We went to doc appointments with them, and was there in the hospital when they were born. Both birth mom's cried- however I can tell you this- they knew that adoption was the best choice for their child. They could not abort them, even though many of their friends, and family tried to convince them too. Giving life and placing for adoption has to be the greatest sacrifice a mother could make. i know that if those 2 precious women, could have raised those kids, she would have, but knowing that they could not, she sacrificed herself, instead of her child. Would love to hear some stories from birth moms themselves here- and I thank you all for what you did for your children. God bless,.

Answer 2

If you take your own feelings out of the equation, you then see the reason is to give the baby a better chance in life. If I was young, single and not making much money, I would give the baby up for adoption. There is no way I would be able to provde a good home and life for that child. Sure, I would suffer. Everyday, but that would be tempered with the knowledge that my baby has a fighting chance in life.

Luckily I have never had to make this choice. But, if I knew then what I know now, I would choose adotpion.

Note to Jill: You are a star! You have my respect and appreciation for your courage and understanding. 1,000 karma points to you!

Answer 3

I wasn't a woman, really. I was still a teenager, and had myself been brought up in care, my own mother wasn't much good at mothering, and she and the rest of the grown ups kept on saying that I could not look after a child, nobody would help me, I would be hopeless, irresponsible, etc.

That was 44 years ago. The woman who adopted my daughter was an alcoholic, the man used to beat her. I managed to find her when she was a teenager, and we've been close ever since. Just back from Christmas - 3 days with her, her husband and 3 beautiful daughters.

People put immense pressure on teenage girls to look sexy, to have sex and then tell them they are too young to be mothers and must either have an abortion or give the child up. I could write far more, but I won't. You cope in the same way as people whose children have been lost in other ways - died, for example. You never forget, you never get over it.

Answer 4

I agree with you. I am only 12 weeks but I already love my baby and couldn't imagine if something happened. I am not sure how people can give up their child. But then again I know that I am bringing my child into a happy, safe, healthy and loving family. Maybe if my situation was different I would be able to see the other side. If the woman knows that the child will be better off with someone else maybe that makes it easier for them. I don't know it's really hard to put yourself in someone else's situation like that.

Answer 5

i know what you mean, i could never do it either, im 32weeks pregnant and i dont know what id do if something happened to my baby or i had to give her up. i love her so much already. i never thought i could have for someone who hasnt even been born yet!
i suppose people who give up their babies do it because they cant cope or couldnt handle a baby and think the baby would be better off being looked after by someone else. it must be the hardest thing to do though after you have carried the baby for 40weeks then give birth to it then have to give it away. i wouldnt be able to cope.

Answer 6

I think that it would be a very difficult thing to do, I wouldn't be able to, also.
We weren't ready when I found out I was pregnant with my now 3 1/2 year old son, but I can't imagine my life without him.
I do have to respect the people who know that they can't give their baby a life who do choose adoption over abortion, though. It would be a hard decision, but they are thinking of the baby and not of themselves.

Answer 7

I think that sometimes situations dictate. My cousin, aged 16 at the time, was forced into giving her baby up she screamed and screamed when they took the baby away and as a result she had a massive breakdown. She was never the same again and has suffered with mental health problems all her life. It was such a cruel thing her mother made her do. She would have made a fabulous mother as she was always great with kids.

Answer 8

I know I couldn't ever have done it either, but then again, I was OK for money and had a partner, and a good family.
Without those things...I just cannot imagine.
Just be thankful you are in your situation. By the way, you feel much more emotional when pregnant and just after, good luck to you and your little bundle of joy!

Answer 9

I am an adopted child. God bless my birth mother for having the strength and wisdom to know her limitations in her ability to raise a child. She made the most unselfish decision a woman could ever make - she gave me up so that I could have opportunities in my life that would not have been possible given her circumstances. And I HAVE had those opportunites she wanted for me to have. Of course it was devastating for her. She loved me. She had originally intended on keeping me and I was wanted. But things changed dramatically in her life and she made the right choice.

We have since been reunited and I have so much respect for her.

Some people hold very negative opinions about adoption - usually people who have no personal tie to adoption, or, those adoptees who had bad experiences after they were adopted. It is a lottery - you cannot guarantee a child happiness and a perfect life. But the intent behind adoption is positive despite those few bad outcomes, and those bad experiences are heavily outweighed by the positive ones.

Answer 10

I couldn't give my baby up either. But there are the women out there who I wish they would instead of having a abortion. Because I just dont think those women out there realize there is always a family out there who want's a new little baby.