could the good, kind person have been suppressed and lost forever ?

Question

i was once a happy go lucky person, giving, empathetic, caring, loving etc.

but ive suffered alot of hardship, misfortune, bullying, unfairness, injustice, victimization. and now as a 30 year old with borderline personality disorder....i struggle with alot of rage...bitterness, resentment, jealousy and anger towards people..
ive been like this way for along time, and deep down, i dont forgive my bullies/ persecutors.......im hostile,aloof towards people....cold..
i can easily lose it and have an aggressive outburst or rage attack....so im constantly battling to stay in control.

deep down i feel extremely angry and unforgiving about what ive had to endure in my life....i feel cheated.

ive never had a girlfriend....never been in a relationship....never had friends...never been employed all due to my problems....i have missed out.
i struggle with clingyness and low self esteem.

i want to know, can i ever be that kind, loving, caring, giving person i was once upon a time ?

i want to be a nice kind, giving person....but im just so full of anger and bitterness......i want to give to people....but its like somethings blocking it......the rage maybe ?

Answer 1

If you were once able to love then you will be able to love again. You are holding on to a lot of pain from the past, and it sounds like you need to deal with it properly before you can move on.

I understand that you feel unable to forgive those who have harmed you in the past. Ultimately, the only person you are hurting by not forgiving is yourself.

However, in order to forgive (not forget) and move on, you need to process what happened and also to look at some of the beliefs you have formed as a result of these earlier experiences.

By continuing to believe that you are not worthwhile, that others are out to hurt you and that no one can be trusted, then you protect yourself from getting involved with people who could hurt you again (and there are plenty out there!) However, by protecting yourself in this way, you also ensure that you will have no restorative experiences with people who are willing and capable of giving you the love you crave.

The first step is to get a referral to a really good therapist, which isn't easy because there are a lot of mediocre ones about. You need to find someone who is capable of forming a really good professional relationship with you so that you feel safe, and someone who will challenge your thought processes appropriately.

This will be hard work. It takes time to change the way we are, but it's possible if you are prepared to put the work in. You might also consider reading the following book, which is really helpful for people who have symptoms synonymous with borderline personality disorder:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Managing-Intense-Emotions-Overcoming-Self-Destructive/dp/1583919155/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198857648&sr=8-1

Finally, although it's important to be able to relate to people and to form mutually satusfying relationships, the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. The undercurrent from your question is that the person you blame the most for what happened to you is yourself. When will you forgive yourself? What would it take in order to do so? All to often, the way we feel towards others is a direct reflection of the relationship we have with ourself.

Another good book at changing negative life patterns is this one:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Reinventing-Your-Life-Negative-Patterns/dp/0452272041/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1198857913&sr=1-1

You CAN reconnect with kind, loving person you once were and go on to have a very different life from the one you have experienced so far. In order to do that, you will also have to reconnect with the loss, pain and sadness underlying your anger and rage. It will be hard work, you will probably need help and support to fo it, but do it you can.

All the best. I won't say "good luck", because this is not about luck, it's about commitment to change and hard work. The choice is yours.

X

Answer 2

To be honest, that's just enough enough difficult times to be funny.

I know that probably doesn't help, BUT...
other people will have had to endure more, maybe you are a terrible person and thats why everyone hates you??

Hoho, only joking. To be honest, if you've been suppressed in all painful honesty you are more likely to be a fairly decent person. It seems like you do want to care and have done in the past- it isn't easy for anyone man! Look at so many celebs either arrested or whatever, they struggle too with different kinds of pressure. I'm sure your life isn't that bad, and if it is, well gosh you can sort of deal with it. Focus on just one thing that bothers you from that massive list, and when you've achieved that one (who knows maybe forgiving someone) then the other stuff may seem a lot easier.

Relationships are incredibly difficult to come by, in my opinion. So don't worry too much about that, I think love and companionship are special (although I don't show it enough) , to get a girlfriend is a great thing, and I consider myself very fortunate to have such a beautiful girlfriend, even if she does hate me.

So in relation to your problems, don't worry too much, good stuff can happen- just keep trying, occupy your time with other stuff and the resentment will go.
I would hugely recommend not focusing on feeling cheated- erm to be honest you probably have no right to feel indignant as i'm guessing you aren't starving or homeless at the moment. Things aint great for you, but you've got my support and with time and effort they will get better

Answer 3

It is really hard to pick yourself up after a lot of tough times. But you can be that goo d kind person again. You might need to seek help doing it but you can do it. You have to put the past where it should be and that is behind you. Dont let it rule your future. If you can do that you WILL return to yourself from times gone by. People are more likely to want to form friendships with you because you will be a more postive person and easier to talk to and warm to. And when you realise that you will start to feel even more positive about yourself. I am not saying it will be easy but it is NOT impossible. Please go and see your doctor or talk to someone like the Samaritans. They are both there to help you not critiscise.

Answer 4

Knowing your problems is a start, so your already somewhat on a road to recovery believe it or not, now the next step i recommend is that you see a doctor and seek consoling, you definitely have issues with your self esteem, and you need to find ways to gain self esteem, your still young so its not too late, you can still turn yourself around and become something that you can be proud of yourself, yes you have been cheated, but you need not look in the past, but look at the present and into the future, you cannot undo the past, so leave the past in the past.

Answer 5

The first thing you have to do is think about others first. The world is not I. Everyone has problems and you have to accept it as life. You were cheated but you can not go back and change the fact, so you go on.

Answer 6

YES! you can be! first you want to see your doctor or see a councilor about your depression. Then, you can get some medication (if you want) or just some therapy to help you.

You can always be a kind person if you want to. And you know what comes with that?
Happiness and friends :D

Answer 7

You could start with refusing to feel sorry for yourself any longer.

Believe me, I've been there.

Answer 8

well at least you realise your problems, now you can try and work on solving them, don't lose heart

Answer 9

You didn't mention the cracks on your penis this time ? don't forget about them.