I am 15 weeks pregnant and my husband still fights with me for simple reasons..?

Question

yesterday,since my hubby was working from home he asked me to make him coffee.. i was not in grt mood to make since we already had a petty fight.. we jus had lunch wch i had made and was jus relaxing on a couch wth tv.. i dint say anything..i made coffee and said,here take it..he says m not gonna drink since i dint offer in a sweet way..it made me more mad and started to pull him to drink coffee,he jus left the room..i followed him and started pushing him to drink,but he didnt..he said i m going to drink if u offer in a nice way..then i said,i cant since u have already upset me..i asked him to ask sorry for the previous incident then i would ask him in a sweet way to drink..he wanted me to go first,i wanted him to go first..again had arguements,then he wudnt drink,i was pushing him to drink,and started pulling his laptop not allowing him to work..he dint take it in a sportive way as always and started wresling angrily wth me all over the house knowing that i m pregnant. i am very upset

we are married for 5 years now,our fights never seem to end ! we have tried counselling but discontinued after some sessions..he is not much of fun guy, we havent had one single trip or vacation without a fight..many times we sleep seperate due to fights..i have to ask him for everything,he doesnt do a thing until said or pushed for..i have cried many times asking him to express n do lil things that make me happy..he says he forgets,and busy at work !! he has loads of time to watch tv ofcourse! i have asked him thousand times to plan for a romantic night jus at home frm 5 years,he never has done it atleast for my sake!! i feel so frustated,many times i feel like going back to my parents and live..i cant think of anything other than our bad fights when m sitting alone..we do have good times only when he is in mood..doesnt work when i m in gud mood..i m a very active kind of girl and he is not..now that i m pregnant, i have to ask him to take my pictures,he will not do a thing on his own

should i show these responses to my husband and let him know what people think and where he has to make an effort to change?

Answer 1

Sorry its your fault ...if you continue to treat him like a child he will act like one ..refuse to do things, if he comes in from work yeah make him a drink... but stop being a doormat !

Answer 2

If he is willing to wrestle around with you when you are pregnant, you need to leave for your child's safety. If he will do this now, what happens when the baby will not quit crying? I have worked with several shake syndrome babies and it is not fun!! To know that someone can do this to a baby in seconds just scares me when I hear about aggressive people! Not that you really did anything wrong but you should not have kept pushing the drink on him, you know he is not a very pleasant person. I would have just dumped it out and said just remember this the next time you order a coffee. Maybe you could have the doctor talk to him about you are going to be tired and cannot bounce back as quickly as before you were pregnant. My husband used to say, come on it's not effecting you yet. He was so WRONG, I was just exhusted sometimes. It sounds like your fights are non-stop but maybe during a down time, you could just talk to him and let him know your feelings. I do that with the emotionally disabled students in my class, we just do talks about behavior and feelings when we are not having a stressful time. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Sounds like you need to stop catering to him.. he will only get worse. You made lunch, he can make his own coffee. That 2 minute break isn't going to kill him. And because you did make his coffee, if he didn't like the way you gave it to him, too bad! He is lucky you made it. It isn't hurting you if he doesn't drink it, he is the one who wanted it. Sometimes you need to keep your posture when your husband does things to annoy you. It is important to communicate, but you guys are getting into little fights over nothing. If he really wanted the coffee, he would have made it himself or just drank the one you gave him. He sounds like he is trying to be your father, not your husband.

EDIT: No hun, don't show him these answers. If you do that you might as well give him the old "I've been talking to my mother and..." talk. He will only roll his eyes and continue his behavior. What you need to do is act like these little things don't bother you. Sort of like when a child throws a fit for attention.. if you ignore them or do not become angry and show your frustration, they will eventually stop. If he is a good guy, he will stop acting like this when you stop giving into him and his foolishness. Don't jump at his every command. It's fine to do things for your husband, but you shouldn't be expected to cater to him, especially if he doesn't return the favor or even appreciate it.

Answer 4

During pregnancy, one of the key things to avoid is 'Stress' and by the looks of things, you are having to deal with a lot of it. If the problems between you and your husband do not stop, i advise you to take a break from him, until you have conceived at least.

Your husband seems very inconsiderate. Talk to him and let him know how you're feeling. If not, your baby will be in danger... Good luck! Do what is right...

Answer 5

I do not mean to offend, but it sounds like English is your second language, and if that is true, then you may live in a different country that the United States, or you may be first generation immagrants.

If you are from a different culture, it will be difficult for us who were born and raised in the U.S. to understand your cultural upbrinding and give you the right type of advice.

Anyway, it sounds like you are very unhappy. You have tried for five years with this man, and yet, nothing has changed, and you both still fight terriably.

This is not a good atmosphere for you to bring a child into. A child needs a nurturing and safe enviroment to grow in health and become well balanced. If you have a son, he will grow up to believe the way his father treats you is the normal way to treat women, and he will then grow up to treat women this way too. If you have a daughter, she will grow up watching how you allow her father to treat you, and she will expect the same type of treatment from any man she get with.

This is not a good atmosphere for your child, and future children. If you both can't stop the fighting, and if you allow yourself to continue to be unfullfilled and unhappy, how will that translate into being a good parent for your child?

Unhappy people do not make good parents. You must think of your child's welfare now, not just your own or your husbands.

I strongly believe in marriage and sticking things out, making things work. However, in five years nothing has changed, and you both have stopped counseling. This is not good.

I reccomend you go back to counseling on your own. There is nothing but good that can come of seeing a counselor on your own.

One thing you need to understand, is if you change, the entire situation will change, whether he wishes it to or not. If you stop engaging in some of this behavior, he will be forced to begin interacting with you differently, simply because you are interacting differntly.

A counselor can help teach you to take care of your own needs. It is up to each of us to make ourselves happy, to not expect another to make us happy. Once you find your own peace and happiness, life with your husband will change.

If, after you have worked and grown your own skills and have begun to take care of yourself, and he still abuses you, then you should consider leaving him.

If you leave when your child is very young, the seperation will not be so wrenching to the child, and s/he will not think it is his/her fault. Children always take on responsibility that is not theirs. If their parents fight, somehow it must be the child's fault, for not being good enough, not making the bed, etc. Children are clean slates, and they absorb the atmoshper around them, and believe everything which goes wrong is their fault somehow, and this damages them.

I encourage you to return to personal counseling. Do it for yourself and your child and your marriage. After you have done everything possible, and know there isn't anything more you can do, and no longer feel anything but compassion for the man you married, or indifference, then you can leave knowing you have done everything possible and it is time for you to move on.

I wish you much success with your life and happiness and congradulations on your child. Please have a very nice day.

Answer 6

I'm sorry that you are having marriage problems. From what I can tell, you are having a lot of shouting arguments, where you don't really sit down and hear eachother. Sometime during dinner, or when you're watching T.V, tell him that you want to talk to him about what is making you upset, and he can do the same.

Answer 7

It sounds like you are both trying to pick fights with each other. Instead of pushing it on him, you should have poured it back into the pot and told him it was there if he wanted it. You need to start trying your best to not react to his irritations. Sorry, but you are both acting like little kids.

Answer 8

Exactly, how old are you? You say you've been married for five years? Pregnant for fifteen weeks? Yet, you type like a preteen. I'm sorry, this all sounds ridiculous. I'm not sure I believe your story. May I add, you're asking this in the Adolescent section! Are you a kid?

If your story is true... both you and your "hubby" need to grow up!

Answer 9

some of this reminds me of my husband but 10 times as bad. i think i would have thrown that laptop at his head. and my husband would expect that i would throw a laptop at his head if he did that. that's probably why he checks himself if he starts getting demanding or unreasonable. and if he forgets, i let him know.