Best ever Father Ted quote ...?

Question

The person who makes me laugh the hardest and brings back the most memories can have 10 points. I'll start.

"In a surprising move, Mrs Doyle has baked a jumper into the cake."

"TED: So... let me get this straight. You were up on an old man, riding him around and whipping him. For an hour.
DOUGAL: Yes.
TED: You realize that image will stay with me for the rest of my life?"

What, in your opinion, is the funniest ever quote from Father Ted?

Answer 1

there are so many.

here are some that made me laugh for... quite a while.

Father Dougal: God, Ted, I've never met anyone like him anywhere. Who would he be like, Hitler or one of those mad fellas?
Father Ted: Oh, worse than Hitler! You wouldn't find Hitler playing jungle music at three o'clock in the morning.

[Dougal has named his pet rabbit Father Jack Hackett]
Father Ted: No, Dougal, this is too confusing, you'll have to pick a new name.
Father Dougal: Ah, could we not call Jack something else?
Father Ted: Oh, great, what'll we call him? Flipper! Flipper the Priest!
Father Jack Hackett: Yes?

Father Dougal: Ready Ted? Let's do it!
Father Ted: Dougal, don't take it so seriously, it's just a bit of fun.
[some time later; Ted has smoked so many cigarettes the room is filled with smoke]
Father Ted: Just play the f - king note!
Father Dougal: The first one?
Father Ted: [angry yelling] No not the f - king first one! The f - king first one's already f - king down! Just play the f - king note you were f - king playing earlier! I've been playing the f - king first one! We have the f - king first one!

but yes, i love the jumper cake, dancing in the caravan, i don't believe it!, i want to be a priest again!, spider baby and kicking bishop brennan up the a**e.

Answer 2

ahh the legendary cake jumper.. I think that might have been based on daniel o'donnell.. reminds me SO much of him..

I liked when they were in the police station.. and they did mrs doyles name, but u never found out her first name..

or when dougal asks the copper "I'll have chips.. and a tin of fanta"

when they are talking about bishop brennan etc..

or the pat mustard episode.

or simply father jack.. "i love my brick"

but there are loads.. and I'd have to cover it by saying...

that'd be an ecumenical matter =)

Answer 3

Mrs Doyle: What would you say to a lovely cup of tea father?
Father Jack: Feck Off Cup!!!

Answer 4

when he is trying to explain to dougal , the difference between " close up " and " far away "

as he points at toy cow models on the table and says " close up " then points at cows in a field in the distance and says " far away " but dougal still cannot grasp the concept as they look the same size

father ted is up there with fawlty towers and rising damp as pure comic genius

all the best
Ian :)

Answer 5

In the going to America episode:
Ted asks Dougal What was that sermon about?
Dougal says Sorry Ted, I was concentrating too hard on looking holy.

heee heee!

Answer 6

"that would be a ecumenical matter" (think that's how it's spelt.) I love all the Father Ted episodes, such a pity that Demont Morgan is no longer with us.

Answer 7

A group of Priests escaping the bra section in a store and trying not to be seen! About as funny as it gets!

Answer 8

i liked graham norton's charachter a lot, he was so underused - in the dark caves when he's singing 'fat bottom girls' beneath the pile of rubble he's been buried under - also where they're all doing raindance irish dancing in the tiny caravan and it topples over

'Down with this sort of thing'
'Down with this sort of thing'

Answer 9

Drink.

Answer 10

That money was just resting in my bank account