I have question related to my last question of still being in love with my Ex wife (after 2 years). We talk all the time and get along great, but I have been telling her for over a year that I want her back and have changed who I am for her. Although she occasionally entertains the idea, she has not changed, she still has a boy friend and she rarely lets me in on her deep feelings. I’ve decided to try to move on and start dating, but after a few dates and telling the truth about my Ex, the relationship evaporated. I don’t want any women to be hurt like I have, but I can’t stop loving my Ex wife, but she is not coming back. Two years seems like a long time to wait. So is it wrong to date someone else? The issue is everyone I’ve met seems to want to fall fast and hard, I feel conflicted. Any advice?
2007-12-28 01:02:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have a few friends in the same situation as you are. And I'm in doubt myself cause I can't end something that's not good anymore,cause I know I'll never get over him.The truth is,as I've seen from my friends,it is hard to get over somebody,especially when you were married and start dating again expecting to fall easily.But you have to think like your ex,she's not gonna come back to you cause she knows that no mater how hard you try and wish for it, you can't go back and repeat relationship cause it will never be the same again.Maybe she would like to,but she knows better,and thinks it is best for both to just stay in touch and that will make easier for both of you to get used to idea that you're apart.
As long as you're sincere to your dates,it's ok to keep on trying.You can't force yourself to fall for somebody. It will come to you unexpected,when you're ready. Don't push it cause you can't.
2007-12-28 01:50:57 · answer #1 · answered by Arona 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you shouldn't be dating anybody if you are still not over your wife. You shouldn't be dating if YOU aren't ready to meet someone new and have a relationship with them.
You telling the truth to your dates about your ex would scare any woman off. They don't want to get into a relationship with someone who still isn't over their spouse.
Sorry to say but after 2 years, I doubt your wife will come back to you. It is a hard thing to realize. I think it's completely normal to have feelings for her (as an ex and a friend) but you can also have feelings for another woman if you let yourself. It's much like having children....you don't think you can love the second baby as much as the first but you do.
As for women falling hard and fast. That's very typical. Especially if they want to have children, a family, a husband, a house, or if they have been divorced already. They are in a place where they know what they want. I think you consider it falling fast because you are still hung up on your ex wife.
I wish you the best of luck!
2007-12-28 09:18:51 · answer #2 · answered by Wonder Woman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need some time alone, away from your EX and any other potential partners. You will never "move on" if you are in constant contact with her. She probably enjoys the attention you give her when she's in the mood for it, but lets face it...how can she miss you if you never go away?
If you break all contact with her, it will be hard at first. But the longer you go without calling or seeing her, the easier it will get. It will give you the room you need to clear out your heart of all the old junk and make room for something new and special. Starting something with someone else before you are ready is a recipe for disaster. You will end up hurting that person and when you say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to" they won't believe you...because if you didn't mean to, you wouldn't have.
Wait until your heart has healed.... love has a way of happening again. You just need to see your old love for what it really was before you can seek a new one.
2007-12-28 09:15:37 · answer #3 · answered by Antonia F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that she only entertains the idea when she is having problems with her boyfriend. Do you have kids with her? If you do then only speak to her that has to do with the kids and nothing more. I feel that she only wants you to be there for her in case something should go wrong with her relationship with the boyfriend. The thing that another woman does not want to hear about is your feelings about another woman because she will only be second to you. If you started another relationship with someone else and your ex-wife wants you back would you go back to her? After everything that you have said so far it seems like it wouldn't work out. I would leave the ex alone and try to move on slowly. Don't move fast always take one day at a time. life is too short to wait for someone that does not want you back. As for them falling too fast just be upfront and tell them that you have been hurt badly before and want to take things very slow one day at a time.
2007-12-28 09:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by Busy Bee Meee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You first need to accept that she is just what you call her, (your ex). You are going to have feelings for her (1) because YOU messed up and now you want an opportunity to prove you're better than what she's known about you. I think she's feeding off of your insecurity. You need to start pulling away from her gradually. Otherwise, you'll never truly get over her. Until you do that you shouldn't try to date anyone seriously because you can't focus your attention on your new interest. That's not fair to the next lady or you. The only person gaining anything out of this situation is your ex. She's getting an ego boost off of your vulnerability.
2007-12-28 09:31:42 · answer #5 · answered by Neva N 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should totally accept the fact that your life with your ex is over. You need to start new, fresh. I know it's hard. Maybe a group therapy would be good for you too, to help let your feelings go that you have for your ex. This will ruin your life if you continue. Maybe you should cease communications with her also. Just for awhile until you get back on track.
I wish you the best.
2007-12-28 09:23:47 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u love ur ex wife for a very good reason, and you shouldnt force yourself to move on. u should just let it happen. if that takes 5 yrs, then so be it. you cant force your heart to follow your legs when u walk away, and thats why i think u need to cut yourself some slack hun :) you never know. things could change between you and her, or something amazing will happen to you once u leave this to fate..
from my own experience, i dated a guy who had been separated from his wife for a yr. before we even had feelings for eachother, it was obvious he couldnt move on, and she was living with another guy and only seeing her husband in regards to the kids. but when he and i fell for eachother, he thought he was over her, and he wanted to marry me.. long story short, his wife got jealous and demanded him back. i broke up with him, and now they are really happy together.
so keep ur chin up. theres hope for every broken heart :)
2007-12-28 09:16:48 · answer #7 · answered by thatchica! 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you should date--but stay casual. Look for new friends not new relationships. Once you've healed you'll know when the time is right. But you need to get out there and keep busy.
2007-12-28 09:11:13 · answer #8 · answered by Stacies Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to join asupport group to help you move on. It's over with, she's not coming back ok??!! So get out there and start seeing new ladies.
2007-12-28 09:22:43 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG...you are only fooling yourself. To your own self be true.
Check out this website. Lots of help here.
http://www.soyouvebeendumped.com
2007-12-28 09:08:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋