Marriage issues. . . Help me! Best answer 10 points TODAY?

Question

I have been married for 3 years. I'm 27 and my husband is 26. we argue a lot about small things (things we shouldn't be arguing about) I love him a lot but I i am beginning to dislike him because of the arguing. I don't know what to do. I don't have a question, just need advice on how to make my marriage better without the arguing. I don't want to divorce him over this I love him, just want things better. (we argue over who should get out the car first, were I want to eat at if i don't cook at home, what numbers we want to play for pick 3, why i keep the house too clean, why I have to clean the house so much everyday, why I take 2 sometimes 3 baths a day (I like to smell good), and on and on.) We both work. He works 65 hours a week, i work 35 hours a week, the sex is great we have sex like 4 or 5 times a week. I just don't understand the arguments.

Answer 1

Nit picking! That can ruin a marriage. All I can tell you is STOP. Both of you stop it. Stop nit picking. He is controlling you too. You need to put a stop to this. My husband does this after 24 years of marriage and I am going on 40 years old now and getting too old to tolerate it. I'm about to call it quits if he continues it. It's constant nit picking. "Why didn't you use this butter, instead of this stick?" "Can't you remember to always leave kitchen towels in the kitchen hanging so I can use them"? It is such little things that they get off on bitching about. Please put a stop to it now, or you will end up like me - Loving and hating your husband. I don't think anything is worse.

Go seek counseling.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

I have been married 24 years and I am here to tell you there is one secret to a happy marriage that will last. Never go to sleep angry and always say "I love you" and always give a good night kiss. When the petty arguments are over, you still love each other. Learn to let the little things go. Why does it matter who gets out of the car first? Can't you take turns deciding where to eat? Always be considerate with what he /or yourself has had for lunch. You don't wanna eat Chinese for dinner if it was lunch. Ask what did you eat for lunch and then decide. How much is pick 3? A dollar? Each of you play your own numbers, or alternate weeks on the one card.
My brother-in law just lost his 40 year old wife of 21 years last month to cancer. You have to get past pettiness and enjoy your love you share. You've only been married 3 years to you are still adjusting. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Hi Cutie,
I have been with my husband for 15 yrs. We have had our share of arguments. Maybe you should try compromising with your husband. Maybe only take 2 baths a day instead of 3. Couples always argue over where to eat. You should keep your house clean, yes that is a good thing but being obssesive over it is not. Since he works so much when he gets home, relax, spend quality time together. You only live once and if he is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with then, quality time and communication are essential. As far as picking the numbers go, each of you put 3 numbers in a hat and one by one choose a number and those are the 3 numbers you play. It is fair that way.
I hope this helps you. I try really hard to make my marriage work and alot of the times I have to compromise with my husband. It sometimes sucks yes, but to make my marriage work is worth it.

Answer 4

It takes two to argue! Sure he probably starts it BUT the way you respond either makes it an argument or not!

SO when he complains just answer "I do it because I love you"

When he ask what restaurant NAME ONE and if he says "not that one" then say "okay what ever you want is fine".

REFUSE TO ARGUE!

My guess is that his attitude will change!

My first year of marriage was similar but we learned how to communicate and live together. Now we do a good job of it (still some arguments) but it gets better every year.

Good luck and if it does not improve don't rule out some marriage counseling!

Answer 5

I know it sounds cliche... but I really do think you need to go to marriage counseling or at least have an unbiased friend mediate a fight. I'll bet if you guys talked through a fight you would learn that neither one of you is really upset about what you're fighting about. Fights that frequent and over such petty issues are usually really about something deeper that no one wants to bring up (or may not even realize on a conscious level that it bothers them). Good luck hon... just remember its worth fighting for.

Answer 6

I have been married for 8 yrs and for the first 5 there was arguing everyday. For silly things as well. This got us to a point we really did disliked the other. Then we realized that all we needed to do was change the routine a little bit and learn how to let things just sly. This is hard to do, but It could be accomplished. Change the routine. Try to do things different. Compromise. But to argue you need the other person to continue the input. So one of you need to concede or simply "shut up",,,,It doesn't fell good at the beginning, but eventually the arguing will be less. Good luck!

Answer 7

We are both over 50, married 8+ years, second marriage for both and our perspective has always been life is too short to get into a snit over the little things, so we just let stuff roll off our backs and concentrate on what's truly important. Make love not war, as they say. Good luck.

Answer 8

Are there money issues invovled? Remember, that it takes two to argue. If he wants to get out first, or wants you to get out of the car first, then just do it! Don't rise to the bait and argue. However, if you feel the need to argue with him, you need to do some soul searching and find out why you want to pick a fight with him. What are you looking for to happen? Do you just want to get what you want all of the time (or vice versa)? No one can do what they want to do all of the time, unless you are single. Perhaps sit down with him and talk with him about how it upsets you that you two argue so much over little stupid things. Tell him that this is causing you to stress and that you don't like doing it (he may think it is funny to get into small arguements over little things...sort of teasing). If this doesn't resolve the issues, please seek counseling.

Oh, two to three baths a day? I would get my nose out of joint if my wife did that as well. Especially if I was working 65 hours a week and she was working almost half that. Try using some oils in the bath, that will make you smell nice with only one! My wife takes a shower at 5:50am and I can still smell the lotion and perfume that she used at 6pm. Unless it is ungodly hot and humid outside, you should still smell nice after just one bath. If you are just soaking in hot water...well, maybe invite your husband into the tub with you for a few of those baths! I think the main problem is the hours he is working. You need to realize that he is working 65 HOURS a week! Swallow your pride and don't argue with him, unless it is REALLY IMPORTANT!

Answer 9

I'm 27 and married for 4 years. I think you just need to put forth a serious effort to not open you mouth about stuff that really doesn't matter (and him too). All those little fights are pointless and they can wreck a whole day..I hate that.
Maybe tell him your just not gonna fight about stupid stuff anymore and stick to it. If you stop, he'll probably do the same. Goodluck :o) Sounds like overall you have a good marriage!

Answer 10

Because your marriage is based on a sexual relationship.

There are some people who just are not happy unless they have something to complain about - maybe that is him,. If he works that much the stress will make him irritable as well.

dont try to make sense of the arguments, just let him vent and get on with your day. I do have to say that 3 baths a day is somewhat obsessive so you have to take responsibility of 1/2 of what he is not patient with. If he's irritable for working so many hours and you have these obsessive quirky things that you do OF COURSE it will drive him nuts!