Leaving Safely?

Question

I've been with my husband for 8 years, 7 of which were mentally, verbally and physically abusive. I've left him several times and everytime he convinces me to come back home. I usually come back because of our daughter and because finances won't permit me to live on my own. Every time I come back home, it gets better. He has stopped hitting me and his verbal assaults are at an all time low, but the truth is that I hate him! He doesn't seem to understand why. He feels that since he's gotten better that the situation as a whole should be better and we should just forgive and forget. I can't forget. I just can't! The situation hasn't gotten better, I've just gotten strong enough to let him know I won't take this anymore. Every time I look at him being so nice to me I want to vomit. I don't want to make it work and he just doesn't get it. He blames my attitude on my job, on us not spending enough time together and me being un-organized. Everything but him. I just want to leave safely. HELP

I also wanted to mention that I do work, I make decent money, but I still would be struggling to make ends meet. He refuses counseling since he doesn't have the time. I feel guilty for letting him think everything is a-ok and then wanting to drop this bomb on him. I don't want to put him on the street, but I don't know else to get him out. I feel so stupid. There never seems to be a right time to tell him I don't love him anymore.

Answer 1

I would suggest you get some psychological counseling to help you deal with your anger. It is certainly justifiable to be angry at your husband under these circumstances, but unless you get a handle on your anger you won't be capable of making good decisions about your future and that of your daughter.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I would contact a lawyer and your family. Family can be a big help during divorces. Also your daughter is going to need a support system. Make sure you get insurance so both of you can get counseling. Even if you don't have money you can call the state and get financial help there.

Answer 3

You need to contact a lawyer - most will do a free consultation.

You need to find family or a shelter for a temporary place to live. In the meantime, look for subsidized housing and apply for AFDC or some other kind of help from your local State aid office.

You also need to figure out if you are able to work.

Then once you have all your ducks in order then you can leave and file for divorce.

Answer 4

Maybe you should try some therapy? I am so sorry for your years of abuse. Is there a relatives house that you can stay in (with your daughter)? Have you ever called the police on him? If you have not, you are going to have a hard time getting full custody of your child.

Call a battered woman's hotline in your area (use the internet to search for it, but be sure to delete your cookies/history so he can't see what you have searched for) and ask them for assistance.

Answer 5

u have alot of anger still. he probably still disrespects u. u said his verbal abuse is at an all time low, so that means the abuse still happens.

abusers believe that the problem lies with their partner so they are less likely to get outside help. abusers hardly change without some kind of help.

u feel disrespected and u know that it is wrong. leave the jerk for good. just make sure u have things in order. document the abuse. . i know someone who is going through emotional, physical, verbal, abuse. we have all seen him put her down. what a jerk.

Answer 6

i don't be attentive to which us of a you're in, yet interior the wealthier ecu international places there is frequently lots greater help and help for women human beings in abusive circumstances than interior the U. S.. i think of you ought to flow to the police perfect now. Take your passport and something you are able to desire to get decrease back to the U. S., in simple terms in case. clarify to the police which you're feeling threatened and which you're frightened of ways your boyfriend will react to your shifting out. Ask for an escort. Ask to be put in touch with a women human beings's representative. in case you do not have a place to stay this week, ask the police/women human beings's representative in the event that they could help. the nice and comfortable button is, i think of you ought to have somebody with you once you progression out. i think of you ought to objective to get a cop. shifting your stuff out stands out as the riskiest time. sturdy luck.

Answer 7

There are places for battered women to go in every major city. They can give you the guidance and support you need.

Do you have any family or friends you could rely on?

Answer 8

That is what good attorneys are for and they file "do not contact" and "restraining orders" !

You have to put some money away and do it now!

Answer 9

You said it has gotten better but you now hate him.

Who is the one incapable of change?