ok, here it is. my husband (17 years older) is bipolar, impotent (not physical, but mental block, doesn't ever want sex again), has lied pathologically about his past and what he has done in his life (everything from he wrote buddy holly's first song to his scars on his body are war injuries). the truth is that i found out they are childhood surgical scars. he was funny and entertaining to be around and financially stable, but wreaked havoc on our marriage. he has now left and lives 2000 miles away, got drunk (after 7 years of sobriety). btw, he's an alcoholic who didn't drink during the marriage. he keeps saying that he's made a mistake in leaving, but that we need "time" to think about what went wrong and figure out how to make our marriage work. i know i can't live with him unless he seeks serious help, but at his age (66) why can't i just let this all go and file for divorce? ps. i'm torn by biblical messages from childhood regarding divorce.
2007-12-26 17:00:21 · 8 answers · asked by diamond heart 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Divorce him. He lives 2000 miles away now. Good ridden s! don't let religion bound you to a dysfunctional marriage.
You can't fix him, you are just a human being. Move on with your life. You deserve better.
And, remember our time on this earth, is really brief, so make it count.
2007-12-26 17:17:17 · answer #1 · answered by zurama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
May I suggest attending an Al-Anon meeting - if you haven't done so in de past. Al-Anon is for family members of alcoholics, and really are a great bunch of people who can help you through this.
Alcoholics unfortunately can also be very skillfull people in explaining why things went wrong. If only you had ---, If only that hadn't ---, he, she it - whatever. If you stand back from it the common thread is that it's always someone or something else's fault, never theirs. Then when sobriety dawns in the morning or whenever, denial. You've been married for a while so you've heard all the alkie sob stories before by now I guess. You may have heard the term 'dry-drunk' before, you may not have. But it's a recovering alcoholic who hasn't changed inside, only put down the bottle. It takes a lot of mental change to successfully stay sober, and believe me it is ADAAT.
Look in your local Yellow Pages for the number and go and meet folks who have all been through this before, not the same, but similar.
Was married to one for 12 years, and believe me it got violent at times on both sides. Loved her to death at the time, but couldn't love the pain. She's sober now, but I can't go near the woman cos I have found life again
2007-12-27 01:31:27 · answer #2 · answered by Dark angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband being bipolar worries me as much as his alcoholism. And both together makes for a very sad marriage. That said, do not divorce him too quickly. God hates divorce
(yes, I know because I've been divorced twice and into marriage #3) God don't like that. So, if there is any way for you to go to counseling and try to see what's what in your mind. With him 2000 miles away, there's not much hope of dual counseling, but at least make sure that's what you want, before you jump in.
2007-12-27 01:33:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I consider myself a Christian, who had always been against divorce, but here's my thoughts. I think that his alcoholism could pose a threat to you physically and mentally. I think that at some point, some marriages just aren't going to make it, and in those cases, divorce is o.k. There are plenty of Christians that have been divorced, my pastor being one of them. That said, I do think it's important to try and work things out. You should seek marriage counseling or he should see a psychiatrist, but if you are going to be harmed in the process, start the divorce now.
2007-12-27 01:06:02 · answer #4 · answered by :*() 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Women who have been abused lose their ability to make decisions. This man has mentally abused you for years. He has made you think that you cannot manage without him. You need to talk to a therapist or a counselor to get a true perspective of what is going on.
Those biblical messages are baloney. The men in the Bible had many wives and concubines. Do you think that was right? Think, woman, think!!!
2007-12-27 01:08:30 · answer #5 · answered by notyou311 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Divorce.
2007-12-27 01:07:52 · answer #6 · answered by Too Silly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There isn't much time left and Biblical messages can wait for some other times.Take control of your life now.Religions are for our guidance and not to control our lives.
2007-12-27 01:09:38 · answer #7 · answered by brkshandilya 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He hasn't made the decisions that favor the marrage but his own needs. time for you to do the same and address your needs.
2007-12-27 01:11:46 · answer #8 · answered by genuwine rob 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋