Married 20 years...4 boys...he commuted most of marriage. Her..resentful....He cant;/won't talk. She's very lonely :-(....Should i divorce?
2007-12-26 16:13:24 · 9 answers · asked by B. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We are going to counseling...he dropped the I love u but I'm not in love with u bomb....
2007-12-26 16:26:21 · update #1
UGH..He's been physically abusive me..me verbally to him...is this normal in long term relationship?
2007-12-26 16:40:53 · update #2
What are you waiting on? Life is too long,yes I said too long ,to be wrapped up in a situation that you are unhappy in.You have already given 20 years, how many more do you want to waste?It will be a long emotional battle but if you stay in this, the only payoff you will get is to continue to defend your own misery and find excuses to stay unhappy.By that I mean that I'm sure you have excuses why you are still there and you probably spend alot of time explaining to people why you are.Stop giving yourself reasons to be unhappy.
Do me a favor ....write this down where you can see it everyday ...THERE WILL NEVER BE A GOOD EXCUSE TO BE AND STAY UNHAPPY...NEVER.
The power of your mind is a wonderful thing and if you read these words everyday you will become it and eventually you will discover the strength that you've had all along that will pull you to make the right decision.
2007-12-26 18:59:34 · answer #1 · answered by Juliana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the marriage is intolerable for you, you should divorce. Life is too short to be miserable and no one is going to give you recognition for living your life as a martyr. If you're unsure, try talking with him or couples counseling. If he won't go, go alone. Frankly, I'm concerned about you. If English is your native language, referring to yourself in the third person makes you seem as if you don't really acknowledge your right to exist. Divorce is not an easy decision, and it has uncomfortable consequences. But, from experience, I can tell you you can't help or take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first. People who do this either burn out or end up bitter and lonely. You must learn to love yourself. Once you do that, people will be drawn to you. (I am not referring to narcissism or conceit...just healthy self love)
2007-12-27 00:36:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is work - after 20 years I'm sure you're aware - happiness is a feeling, it comes and it goes... but it's in your hands. You determine your level of happiness. If you want to make this marriage last - then get to work. No excuses!
Forgive him - stop being resentful. Talk to him, eventually he might recriprocate. Take a second honeymoon. Be spontaneous. Go with him on a buisness trip. Seek marriage counseling.
Until you've felt like you've exhausted all of your options, and tried beyond measure... then I would think about divorce, or a seperation... but that doesn't mean you'll be happy once your "free."
The grass is always greener on the other side!
(I personally don't believe in looking out for yourself (in a marriage) if that's what you're trying to do - why get married... that's when two become one, and therefore you should be looking out for "us")
Love is a decision, that is sometimes followed by a feeling. He needs to make the decision to love you - you need to make the same decision to make it work.
2007-12-27 00:25:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No No No! Divorce is societies way to quit. You made vows to that man and to God. Not to mention the most important thing....your boys. My parents divorce almost killed me. It also taught me that if things aren't working out just leave. Well in life something will always not work out. We have to work through things and stay dedicated. I got married about 4 years after my parents divorce and when things got rough I filed for divorce. Thank God my husband truly loved me. We worked it out and we are still together today and will ALWAYS be together. Do not do it. The only time I would suggest it is in an abuse situation.
2007-12-27 00:21:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
It sounds like you should. Your husband may have a different opinion but you have to look out for yourself. If you think divorce is best then go for it. I assume your boys are teenagers, and since their father has not been a constant in their life they may be able to see this your way which will help you in making this decision.
2007-12-27 00:22:46 · answer #5 · answered by K K 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why do you talk about yourself in the 3rd person? Women are most more likely to talk about being unhappy. He probably is no more happy than you but mroe willing to settle for things being as they are.
2007-12-27 00:21:20 · answer #6 · answered by primalclaws1974 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Abuse is never normal. You have been unhappy long enough. If you want out I would get out.
2007-12-27 00:52:25 · answer #7 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try counseling 1st. thats alot of years to throw out.
2007-12-27 00:24:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
When divorce is the right option for you, you won't have to ask strangers whether it's the right option for you.
2007-12-27 00:17:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋