My friend lives in PA and is going to divorce her emotionally abusive alcoholic husband. She is almost 4 months pregnant. He wants her to abort the baby (which she won't) and says if she won't then he will do everything imaginable to get custody. She is scared and threatened - he's crazy! We are going to talk to a lawyer but does any one here know anything about this stuff?. Can she leave the state before the baby is born - would that help? If you have proof (voice messages) from the father telling her to abort the baby does that help in custody hearings?
2007-12-26 16:05:47 · 22 answers · asked by reesie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
direct this question to the attorney.
2007-12-26 16:07:38 · answer #1 · answered by KitKat 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If he is physically abusive then she needs to go to the police now. If he is verbally abusive then get her to get as much evidence on tape as she can. She needs proof that he is being this way to her. It is odd that he would be pressuring her to get an abortion and then telling her if she doesn't then he will take custody by any means necessary. The voice messages may help in the custody hearing, particularly if he is threatening her in them. They would be something for her to take to the police.
She could do a runner from the state and have him served with the divorce papers and state to the court that she is in fear of hers and her baby's safety if she has to attend the court hearing. They may be able to do something for her. I'm sure it won't have been the first time they have heard of such a thing.
Where I am from I don't think it would be a big deal if someone was to try and divorce their spouse while pregnant but it is my understanding that a divorce will not go through if there is a pregnancy involved in the US.
The fact that he is abusive and an alcoholic certainly doesn't bode well for the father getting custody. While the baby is small then the mother will have custody anyway until such time as she is proven unfit either by being abusive to the child or neglectful to the child.
In any case I hope for the sake of your friend and her baby, I hope that she is able to find a way out of this mess. Good luck to her.
2007-12-26 18:05:31 · answer #2 · answered by Onyx ♠ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, he cannot take full custody without proving she is unfit. Second, yes, any evidence that he wanted her to abort the child will work against him in a custody battle.
I cannot speak about the laws in PA, but in Michigan because they are married he WILL be assumed to be the father which means he will have parental rights, and might even get joint legal custody.
Leaving the state before the baby is born will only help her if she can establish residency and file for the divorce in her new location, but I can't say for sure that will work, because they may make her file in the county where the marital home is located.
Tell your friend to calm down, which I know is hard, but a father cannot take a newborn from the mom without MAJOR proof she's dangerous to the child.
First step is to get her away from him and keep him away.
Make e-mail the only contact between them, that way he can't upset her so easily.
If he is hounding her in person, maybe apply for a Restraining Order.
Get the divorce filed, find a lawyer that you know has represented someone you know, and make sure him/her is able to handle hearings and doesn't always want to settle out of court.
Good luck!!
2007-12-26 16:27:42 · answer #3 · answered by Frank R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes that helps Greatly she shouldn't leave the state that would be a problem. however does she have parents, sister, brother, a friend that she can move in with. These things have away of getting bad real quick. I'd like to hear from your friend to get more answers..... No don't worry I am a man 48 years old no I'm not married she can do the sending mail thing on here.... and I don't know the state that you live in so there's alot to consider here and the facts are what counts Only the facts So I'm walking into this blindly she needs real answers... also a history on the husband would help have the police ever been called to their home? If she says he's dangerous in court she will have to prove it... But it's very hard to take a baby away from the birth mother...
2007-12-26 16:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the voice messages help--as proof of immediate danger to her & the child; i think she does have a good chance of getting sole custody but i'd say dont leave the state b/c his lawyer might use that to his defense--saying she didnt want to try & fix the relationship or whatever-- its best 4 her 2 stay w/in the state just away from him. (also laws vary from state 2 state so u want 2 stick w/just 1--im not sure about this but i think PA is pretty conservative state & might be on her side 4 not wanting 2 abort but im not 100% on that) TALK 2 THE LAWYER 1st, DONT just go by what we say, like someone else on here said, keep records of everything & make copies! also filing for a restraining order will help 2 keep him away & start a file on him so that she can show she has been very concerned for her safety for a while. if she can get witness to talk on her behalf--friends that have seen how he acts when he's drunk, have heard his threats etc,--this might help too. good luck 2 u & your friend & please let us know :)--im not trying 2 be nosy i'm just concerned.
2007-12-26 16:20:58 · answer #5 · answered by roses_r16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are no guarantees. But, it is unlikely that an abusive, alcoholic will get custody of a newborn. Leaving the state will make things worse. Rather, she should document every phone call, every threat, etc. If he has been abusive, are there witnesses, medical reports, police reports? Definitely keep the voice messages. Different states have different laws. However, most states decide child custody based on the "best interest of the child" standard. If dad can be proven unfit, being in his custody certainly is NOT in the best interest of the child. Judges do NOT give custody to fathers who only want it because mom refused an abortion. They also do not favor dads who want custody so they do not have to pay child support. Get a good attorney as soon as possible. File the divorce and a protection order if necessary. But, most of all, do not make decisions based on this person's threats to take custody. Abusers love to intimidate their victims and to make them believe they will get their own way in court. My ex tried this on me 34 years ago. It didn't work then, and it doesn't work now! Don't let him get to you. And listen to your attorney! Be tuff! You will need strength, esp. as a single mom.
2007-12-26 16:16:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I dont think that a court will award custody of an unborn child to anyone. Its implied that the mother has custody up to the point of birth.
At this time, she has full custody of the baby as it is inside her. Next, its best just to let sleeping dogs lie. Chances are, with his present attitude towards the child, that he will not choose to come around after the baby is born. Therefore, he should not present a problem nor a threat to the custody of the child.
The best thing to do is to just move on and move away from him.
2007-12-26 17:01:55 · answer #7 · answered by MHnurseC 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to start keeping a journal, today. Write down as many details as possible and don't forget to date each entry. Any evidence she has, or can get, should be kept somewhere other than her home.
Most states will not finalize a divorce until the baby is born. It might be a good idea to move into a shelter for battered women, or some other safe place.
Get to the lawyers office as soon as possible.
2007-12-26 16:14:25 · answer #8 · answered by Momma J 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Her best option would be to not claim a father on the Birth Certificate at all.....Leave it blank.....
That would force the man to have to prove he is the father thru a DNA test....Really expensive.
Yes, the more proof the young lady has against him as being abusive is better in her favor....Even divorcing him and taking out a restraining order might be in line here.......
Praying to the Lord isn't such a bad idea either..........
2007-12-26 16:29:25 · answer #9 · answered by Susan M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly i think that she is able to mve out of stat while being preggo...........i have kinda gone through the same thing just i had already had her........i did not have the $$$$ 4 a lawyer and was constantly getting threats from him like he was going to come and take her and all that and id he had to kill me to get he would.........tell her that she needs to get a protection from abuse order have her explain everything in detail. let the court know that she is preggo and while that they will giver her sole temp. custody of the child, that is what i did and i got it.........i am going through a program here, it is called battered womans project(mite be dif there) you don't have to have had ben beaten cause mental and verbal abuse is the same to them........they have been great to me and i'm sure a place like that would be good for her as well..........i think that she mite be able to dial 211 on her phone to get the number to where is cloest to her or have her look in the phone book in the front...........they can help her get an order file for divorce anything that she wants they will do but make sure that she documents everything that happens. like if he calls at 11pm and leaves a message don't delete it save it and doc.it on paper, day and time........get as much evidence as possible.......that is not a dafe place for her or her unborn child........she needs to wahtever it takes to get away from him. i hope this has helped..........
2007-12-26 16:19:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is trying to scare her into abortion. He cannot instantly take full physical custody of the baby. Single mothers automatically have full physical custody until shes proven unfit in court.
Don't let the idiot scare her. He's just a scared wimp right now. Just don't let her go back to him! She and the baby are much better off without him. She will get through this.
2007-12-26 16:14:06 · answer #11 · answered by Fo Sho! 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋