Consider this scenario:
A man is crazily in love with his girlfriend. He proposes as soon as they are done with medical college. Her only condition at the time of proposal was: Children will not be involved. Although he would have liked a few, he loved her too much to let her go. Three years down the road: Both are full-time doctors and make plenty of money, take vacations often, go on dates all the time, are very engaged in volunteer work and have the perfect life. But family, friends, collegues are now asking THE question. Husband's feelings of being a dad are reignited. Everyone is pestering the wife about her "selfishness", about how she is depriving everyone of the joy of children, about how she should take time off her career and start trying for a family, and how she'll regret it later. But the wife had made this decision when she was a teen. Her reasons are:
1. Severe tokophobia. She has terrible fear of pregnancy and childbirth. She cannot stand the idea of pregnancy and the
2007-12-26 15:24:14 · 6 answers · asked by La Bella Vixen 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
sight of child-birth causes panic attacks in her.
2. Her career. She knows that she would be expected to stay home to breastfeed, which repulses her. She worked extremely hard in high-school, college, and med-school to become a cardiologist, and loves her job.
3. She HATES the idea of being a mom. She just doesn’t want to do it. She doesn’t want to raise children. She dislikes them. She hates the idea that they’ll impose restrictions on her life.
Yet EVERYONE is trying to convince her otherwise. Their pestering and comments have gone to such an extent that now she is feeling frustrated that her husband is doing nothing about them. So last week, she talked about separation with her husband. The husband is now literally crying. He REALLY loves her and can’t live without this woman and yet he cherishes his desire to be a father. He is not ready to sacrifice his career either.
2007-12-26 15:25:16 · update #1
Can you suggest a possible solution? What really pisses me off is that total strangers ruined a perfectly happy marriage. What do you think the next step for the husband and/or wife should be?
2007-12-26 15:25:31 · update #2
I'm not his wife. The husband is my relative. I'm really close to the wife. Adoption is not an option because of reasons 2 and 3. Plus the husband wants biological children.
She is tokophobic because her mom died due to complications during labor when her sister was born.
2007-12-26 15:38:59 · update #3
This can be a real "deal-breaker". I have seen this one slit many a happy couple.
If I had the chance, I would have snatched her up in a second because I am hardcore child-free.
I suggest they join "No Kidding" to make some child-free friends that won't pester him with bingo's. Unfortunately outside of child-free circles tend to ask rude questions.
2007-12-27 05:13:32 · answer #1 · answered by Marvin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she dislikes children and doesn't want to be a mother, it's a good thing she's decided not to have children. Having children in the picture, whether it be by birth or adoption, would compromise their well being. If she's not going to be happy with the children, then the children will be deprived of a mother's love. I think the husband knew what he was getting into before he got into it. He should deal with it, or find someone else that will want the same thing in life. Good luck.
2007-12-26 17:18:18 · answer #2 · answered by raidiant_earth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one ruined the marriage. These people were incompatible from the start. Totally, completely incompatible. Dating someone who *might* want to have kids is totally different from dating someone who is 100% sure they don't want any and actually have a phobia for childbirth/pregnancy. The man should have let her go early on and she should have realized that his desire for children was not something that he could just make go away. I really think that this marriage is over. Sorry.
2007-12-26 15:45:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't want to have a child, she won't....she has been very clear about that from the first.
He's an idiot for marrying on one assumption; that sooner or later he could "talk her into" haviing a child.
He is very immature and needs to go away..find himself a nice young breeder. Should be easy for him if he's a doctor.
Leave the woman alone.....
2007-12-26 16:11:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Adoption might take care of most of the issues and since the child's not blood related you wouldnt have to breast feed or get pregnant.
2007-12-26 15:37:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What? Are you writing a book?
2007-12-26 15:31:04 · answer #6 · answered by towanda 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋