Verbally abusive woman versus physically abusive men...?

Question

Many a man has lost a woman because he could not control his anger, which can result in physical abuse.

And I think about the girlfriend who I am leaving after several years who cannnot comprehend that she has a problem:verbal abuse, as if I were her emotional punching bag.

I don't think a lot of woman can see how destructive it is to there relationships, that they have some God-given right to keep needling, nagging, moaning, complaining even when your a decent guy who makes good money, supports his family, and works to do the right things in life.

Have you ever been at a point where you did everything in the relationship to come up to speed, only to find a NEW laundry list of "problems"...

Your thoughts, please.

Answer 1

I'll just copy and paste something i was given about a year ago.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race... You’re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework… Your a poofter

If you work too hard … there’s never anytime for her. If you don't work enough… your a good for nothing lazy prick

If she has a boring job with low pay... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay... You should get off your lazy *** and find something better

if you get a promotion ahead of her... that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you… its male difference

if you cry... you’re a wimp. If you don't... your an insensitive bastard

If you make a decision without consulting her... your a chauvinist... if she makes a decision with out consulting you... she's a liberated woman

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy... that's domination... if she asks you... it's a favour

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear.. You’re a pervert... if you don't… your gay

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape... your sexist... if you don't... your unromantic

if you try to keep yourself in shape.. Your vain... if you don't... your a slob

if you buy her flowers... you up to something... if you don't your not thoughtful

If your proud of your achievements.. You’re full of ****... if your not... you’re not ambitious

If she has a headache... she's tired. If you have a headache... you don't love her anymore

If you want it too often... your over sexed. If you don't... there must be someone else

Answer 2

I have never experienced this with anyone personally or myself, but I do know a few women that I imagine are difficult to live with and I am sure are verbally abusive. Its very hard to prove though. I suppose that is part of the reason why it is not seen as damaging as physical abuse. To me it is just as harmful, both to the person and the relationship (and any children involved) and is grounds for leaving the relationship.

Best of luck. No one deserves to be in a relationship like this.

Answer 3

Physically abusive men are rarely not verbally abusive.
Some verbally abusive women are also physically abusive.
Very rarely is there one completely wrong partner while the other does everything right. I was in a relationship with someone who was physically and verbally abusive. I fought back a lot, and I am sure that there were some instances where I was the aggressor (as we were physically quite 'well' matched), I certainly was no angel, but at the end of the day she was disturbed, and I was just a bit f**ked up. At the end of the day I got out as I knew that she was incapable of changing - and sure enough 5 years later she was in court on assault charges.

Answer 4

Here is something to think about.

A few of the answerers here said that nagging isn't abuse but when a man does it he is called a control freak and that is considered abuse so that double standard doesn't work.

We men are told all the time that we cannot and have no right to tell a woman what to do. But as Professor C said if men would do as they are asked then women wouldn't nag.{ I paraphrased because I forgot her exact words} But isn't that the same thing that could be said for what women say is a man controlling a woman.

If I were to say as Professor C did that if women would do what they are asked the first time then he wouldn't get upset wouldn't I get called a misogynist for implying that she had to do as I asked in the first place.

Why do women have the right to ignore men but men have to listen and do what a woman says.

Edit Prof you did not word it carefully enough and if you reread my post you will see where I wrote that I paraphrased it because I didn't remember the exact words.
So your being offended means little to me.
Besides women being offended by almost everything pro male is nothing new to me or any other male that I know of.
And if he were not required to do as he was told she wouldn't nag him would she? When a woman ignores a man she is empowered because it is considered controlling for a man to ask a woman to do anything. Nice double standard the feminists have going on there. Just more tactics from them to reinforce the men=bad women=good/victim equation.

Answer 5

I think that it is so important for both parties in a relationship to be considerate of each other at all times, at all costs. If you are considerate of your mate, you will think twice before you say something that is purposefully hurtful, mean-spirited, or use fightin' words. You will examine your feelings and ask yourself if the negativity is about a situation happening in your life, the mate, or yourself. If it is about a situation happening in life, you need to either change the situation, accept it, or remove yourself. If it is about your mate, you must determine if it is something that you can legitimately complain about. If you are upset because your mate is not the person you want him or her to be, that is not something that the mate needs to deal with. If you are upset because of something your mate did, you need to forgive or get out. You cannot keep punishing someone because it is a futile waste of energy and not your place. If you are upset because of something about yourself, you need to work on yourself and, instead of punishing your mate for something you did, you need to be extra appreciative of the fact that someone can love you and feels you deserve their love even when you don't love yourself. Also, it is important for everyone to really have standards and choose their partners for good reasons. If someone seems crazy or abusive in the beginning, they most likely will not change. If someone is angry or cantankerous in general, they probably won't act too differently about you, even if you are the best partner you can be. But, as long as you are the best partner you can be and, ideally, if your mate is also at their best -- of course both of you will have to work very hard and very consistently at this-- you and your mate will have all you can possibly ask for of each other.

Answer 6

Women like to arrange a plan in their minds and only let you in on it at the last minute, the ensuing nagging is a result of her inability to see that you haven't had the time to adjust to a plan she's had in her head for a week/month.

Nagging should be re-classified as stalking. Women seem to think that a man is devoid of a memory and can't manage to process a request. The truth is that after it has been repeated ten times in five minutes, you start to lose the will to listen.

Answer 7

Tell us about it brother. We have all been there at least once. The worst part is that you will always be blamed for the relationship going down the toilet.
You never tried hard enough to make it work.
You were too into yourself to share with her.
Your career meant more that her happiness.
You never 'talked' to her.
It is your fault that she had to go elsewhere for the love that you withheld from her.
Any of the above sound familiar?
Walk away whilst you still can before the hatred starts to set it. Enjoy your new found freedom. Just remember, women don't hear other women yelling. They only ever hear what a women tells them.

Answer 8

I have also experienced emotional abuse from a woman and I resent that you have been careless in framing your question. You sound as if all women constantly complain about others to the point of abuse.

Edit: And since most other posts speak only of women abusing men, I would like to reiterate the fact that this is not simply a case of women trying to force men into the Disney prince model. Women who abuse don't care who gets hurt. Abuse has nothing to do with women's ideas about male lovers or women wouldn't abuse women and children.

Answer 9

I agree that needling, nagging, moaning and complaining can(and will) destroy a relationship, but I don't think I would call that verbal abuse. Now, if she is belittling you, putting you down, calling you names, and deliberately being hurtful with her comments about your decisions, looks, family, and your life in general, that is verbal abuse.

Answer 10

I was reading down and saw one of the answers questioning whether you had spoken to this woman about the situation. And all I could think was, how naive such a question is. As though somehow any individual can be the kind of person you describe yourself to be, and not have made every effort to communicate with your partner the disturbances created by them in your relationship.

Yes, I have been there myself. But in my case, I wouldn't have defined their actions as an interpretation of some sort of God given right, but more of a deep and pervasive emptiness which is expected to be filled by the presence and actions of another. I put up with this for a year, before finally becoming so literally sick of it, that when I almost made the decision to "return", I found myself in such a state of malaise, that it was clearly noticed by my friends. Each of them asking what was I thinking, and why would I even consider it. And yes, that may be an extreme example. But your notion about the laundry list is not uncommon.

A large number of women, even those calling themselves feminists, are prone to having expectations of men which are entirely inconsistent with all rules and concepts of fairness. Given the historical and generalized inability of women to acquire what they have wanted or needed in society on their own, it is not difficult to see how that laundry list has been collectively maintained. All of us, male and female, have expectations of what we desire and hope to be present in our mates. The problem begins (or maybe doesn't end) when that set of expectations is completely insatiable.

Unfortunately, women from the time they are young girls, are raised to think of men as their princes in shining armor. They have been taught to believe that the primary definition of what manhood is, is how well a man can and will provide for their every need and desire. The propensity for that list to never expire, is directly proportional to the degree of that woman's emotional insecurity. Since it is not socially frowned upon for women to have greater expectations of men, than men are allowed to have of women, women have had little of a framework within which to evaluate the realism of their expectations. Men, are supposed to provide for women. That has been the historical expectation of our society in general. By contrast, women are not expected to provide for men. In fact, women have not been expected to provide for themselves. So the situation has developed and been perpetuated, where women continue to have disproportionate expectations of men, which have been largely supported by society.

Given these factors, it's actually amazing that more women aren't as demanding as you have described. Maybe they are, but just in ways that are less perceptible, or more palatable to most men.

Shingoshi Dao