dad treats mom like little kid and im sick of it?

Question

my mom is a very laid back, cool person w/ a great sense of humor, my dad, on the other hand is very rude and no sense of humor, he talks to my mom like a little kid and yells at her and she sits there and does nothing, im sick of this!!! i told my cuzzin(who is like my moms best friend) and she said that my mom wants to divorce him but she then she doesn't because shes staying w/ him for me...what should i do?! i cant take this anymore!!! and will i get to stay w/ my mom if they do end up getting a divorce???

by the way i am 14 turning 15 in september

I've tried to tell her to stick up for herself but she wont and i try to stick up for her but i get slapped (on the arm or something not the face) and he tells me to shut up or i will get my butt whooped so i dont know what to do anymore but i cant just sit there while he foes this!!!

Answer 1

tell your mom how much it bothers you. just talk to her about it. maybe she will be happy to know how you feel or it will at least help her make a decision.

and yeah it sounds like you are old enough to decide who you want to live with at this point. you will be able to stay with your mom if that's what you want.

you're 14? yes, that's old enough to decide which parent you prefer to live with. 12 is the age where the child's wishes start to become recognized and important.

Answer 2

You don't say how old you are but it sounds like you are very smart and sweet. It hurts you that your dad treats your mom like he does. Is he violent? Do you have an aunt or would your cuzzin be willing to sit down with you and your Mom and tell her how you feel. Let her know that maybe it would be better if she gets out now and not later. ( if that is what your mom really wants ). You need to talk to a school counselor or a pastor . Someone who knows about these things and can offer really good advice. I wish I had a better answer for you.
Take care of yourself.

Answer 3

Your mother suffers from co-dependency which is a very serious thing when left untreated. These type people always have a reason to keep "hanging around". If it's not YOU it's the hassel of divorce or something else. Always something.

Real case. Daughter suffered same symptoms. I, her Dad, tried my best to show her the negatives of staying with husband, in spite of 4 children. Children also felt Mom was just tolerating Dad but they were not happy. Dad gets a business trip which takes him away for 30 days. Best miracle of her life. Short story. My daughter was able to listen to Dad and children without fear. We put it down simply. Mom you have to leave him now. Our school grades are suffering. We can not have our friends. You can not have peace. You can't follow your dream. My daughter goes gets divorce lawyer. Hubby had separation papers waiting when he returned. Locks were changed he could not re-enter the home. Period.

After divorce he wanted back. Daughter said "no". Hubby gave his word he would change. Things would not be the same. Daughter said "no". Hubby went to children and pleaded to talk to Mom and make her see the error of her ways. Children together told Dad "no". Hubby came to Father in Law (me) and explained how wrong that was and I should be ashame of myself if I had anything to do with this. I said "I did" and "no I'm not ashame". Bottom line. All parties have to agree NOT TO GIVE IN. It gets ugly but the reward is happiness and blissfulness.

My daughter went on to get Master degree and went from $18K job to $125K job in 36 months. Children graduated with top honors and are all in college. Three girls -- promised they will screen prospective husband extremely well to prevent their lives from being destroyed later. One boy - will do same with prospective wife to make sure she can speak up and make hard choices.

God Bless you and good luck. It can happen but you have to be the STRONG one here since looks like Mom is weak. Help her. Go see Grandpa, Grandma, the pastor or priest. Take Mom with you and make an appointment with a marriage counselor.

Be careful. Don't make the 6'Oclock news like the Pederson's did. O.K. I'll pray for you.

Answer 4

Your mother is setting an excellent example. She is not reacting emotionally to the treatment that your father is dishing out, even though it may be hurting her deeply. She has decided that fighting back is not her desired course of action.

Who knows how things got to be this way. What is certain is that no progress is likely to occur if she mirrors his behavior. Meanwhile, it may also be true that no progress will be made as she handles the situation as she does. Either way, the result is about the same; at least she will not have worked herself up into a froth to end up with the same results.

What should you do? My advice is to follow your mother's example as sincerely as possible. A soft answer turns away wrath.

Answer 5

This is a problem for you and many other people.Go talk to your mom about the past and see what she thought of him now and then.Try to make her say the truth because if she lies it will get worse.I know your can't stand up to your dad but you have to stand up to him and tell him to stop.Or you can get people to build your confidence to make this stop or it will get worse and go on.Even call the kids help line.They are kind and very smart.
Try to make them love each other and respect the opposite gender.The last thing that i can think of is that bring both of them
together and the rest of your family(if you aren't a only child)together and talk about what should be right and wrong.
Hope i have given you enough advice.Go on and try them.

Answer 6

Some states at your age you'd get to chose which parent you'd live with if your Dad would fight for custody of you. Tell your Mom you want to sit down with her and have a serious talk. If need be ask your cousin to be there with you. Tell your Mom exactly how you feel and tell her "I know your only staying here because of me and I'm asking you not to do that anymore". Tell her how much it bothers and hurts you to see your Mom treated this way. Tell her you love her and that she deserves to be loved and treated with respect not like a child.

Answer 7

Try talking to your mom about how you feel and maybe try to get some family counseling. You dad may not realize he is doing it. A lot of people are very controlling but have no idea that they are that way until someone who is a third party and has no pull to either side can help make that point clear.

Answer 8

Have a heart to heart with your mom. Let her know that you will not be heartbroken if she and your dad divorce. Tell her that you are actually encouraging her to get rid of him because you don't like to see her being treated this way. Involve whomever you can, your cousin, your mom's mom and dad..whoever.

Your mom deserves better and so do you.

Answer 9

Really, this is an adult situation. As much as you think you know all the details - you couldn't possibly. They might have their great times and it's clouded in your judgment because of what you see.
Your mom is a big girl. One day soon you'll be on your own and you will have your own relationships. Don't fret much about your mom- she can leave if she wants.

Answer 10

i need to know how old u are to tell u if u can decide who u stay with in a divorce. Tell ur mom how u feel, maybe she will no longer just stay with the guy because of you.