2007-12-26 13:34:01 · 24 answers · asked by denisleary74 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that's the only reason for wanting to stay with your wife???
2007-12-26 13:36:21 · answer #1 · answered by cccc 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Divorce shatters lives. I've had mine broken by it.
A couple of things should be kept in mind:
First, she, too, may be thinking about leaving you. That is what it is. Second, you're going to be having a lot more emotions than she is if she thinks everything is ok.
I say tough it out until you can either get more income, bills reduced, or get your own job if you are unemployed. Remember many bills aren't absolutely necessary to be paid. You can do without cable TV, cell phone, etc. Even the land line phone and car insurance can go away (I know that's illegal in most states, but you do what you have to.)
Your basic needs are a rent payment and electricity/gas. From there, make your car payment if you have one, then make payments on the insurance. Those two are only if you can afford them, though. Most of the time, child support can be temporarily reduced or even suspended for financial difficulties. Just remember your kids do need that money, so don't abuse the system here. Phone is next, and sometimes it'll supersede car payments and insurance.
Forget the credit card payments, medical bills, etc. A divorce would trash your credit along with the rest of your life anyway, so to heck with it.
Now there's another reason to tough it out for a while. Getting that job or reducing those bills sets a timeline on when some progress has to be made. It also allows you to seek professional help while you're trying to make sure you can pay for your necessities. If progress isn't made by the time you've accomplished one or the other, then you have an indication that you may have to leave.
With that in mind, if she's not willing to go for professional help, then your marriage is probably over anyway. I've known of people who have dumped spouses who won't get help, and I was dumped by one who wouldn't get help. You could stay and try to wait the problems out, or you could cut your losses now. Chances are that if you stay, and she's not willing to get help, eventually she WILL wind up leaving and that makes it all the worse on you.
2007-12-26 22:32:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After you leave, everything will be financially more difficult. That's unavoidable.
Before you decide, see if you can fix what's wrong.
Lots of things can make you want to leave. If you could do this yourself, you wouldn't need advice. But the kind of help you really need is a professional. Find a couples counselor and see if you can't repair the problem.
One of the things no one can tell you is how long to try. Is a week enough? A year too much? I dunno. Might be tough for you to say, too.
I'd say, "Stay for a bit, while you see if you can fix what's wrong." After that, you'll need to adjust your standard of living. If your life is really miserable, even after counseling, it'll be easier to choose the lesser of two evils. Yep, that's what it is- a bad thing or a worse thing.
In divorce, no one wins. (Despite tweaking- $100 difference in alimony isn't "winning" or "losing.") Sorry you're in this predicament. Hope you can find what's best. Don't forget to look at your wife as a resource- some of what's wrong involves her, and maybe she can help you fix what's wrong.
2007-12-26 21:47:34 · answer #3 · answered by going_for_baroque 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lots of people have this issue, sometimes it is only because you have become accustomed to over-spending since you had two salaries. You might be able to budget well, or get a male roommate for a while to get by.
Do both of you a favor and leave.
2007-12-26 21:48:24 · answer #4 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow a pair. Leave if the marriage needs to die. You can always make more money. Be a man and do the right thing.
2007-12-26 21:41:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on why you want to leave and what you've done to make it work.
Staying for bills isn't a marriage.
2007-12-26 21:42:50 · answer #6 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What happened to the vows that you took? We need more info as to why you want to leave in the first place.
2007-12-26 21:45:20 · answer #7 · answered by Scott M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yah, you sound like such a great guy that you should just stay and stay and let her pay the bills. She will love you forever!
2007-12-26 21:39:37 · answer #8 · answered by doctorballs2008 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh I know how you feel. You work so hard for the house and everything and to get divorced all the crap you have to go thru...just tough it out
2007-12-26 21:39:48 · answer #9 · answered by Cassandra C 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't stay in a relationship just to pay the bills. Nobody gains from that.
2007-12-26 21:36:02 · answer #10 · answered by Poppy 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋