my daughter is a minor having sex with a 20 yr old guy do i have to prove it to cops?

Question

my daughter is 15 yrs old and her boyfriend is 20. i'm not sure if they are having sex, or just friends. i'm assuming that they are dating. i want him to get arrested. can they just tell the cops something like: "no we didn't have sex"? are the cops going to believe me or my daughter? please help me

well, she is not living with me. she lives with that guy's family, which are my ex boyfriend's sister's family. i'm not paying her any money monthly, and she buys her clothes with the money that she gets from working. she doesn't have a phone, and she barely comes home. me and her don't get along at all. she's been on her own since she was 11 years old. i actually left her and my 2yr old son, with her, came to america, and three years later they came. she is a pretty responsible girl, i admit. but i don't think it's appropriate for her to hang out with thad guy. even though i raised her being very mature and responsible.

Answer 1

That is a touchy subject and with all due respect perhaps you should consider disciplining your daughter instead of ruining this 20 year old kid's life. You have the ability to forbid your daughter from seeing him and should most definitely try that route before you have this guy marked for life - as I'm sure you're aware that if he is found guilty, he will need to register as sex offender for the rest of his life.

Getting your daughter's boyfriend in trouble will also cause a possible irreverable rift in your relationship with her. She will not understand that you trying to help. She will see you as interfering in her life and trying to hurt the guy she 'loves'. Besides that, she does need to admit there is a sexual relationship. If you go to the police and they both lie, there is nothing that can be done.


As per your additional comments:
If as you say she is responsible, then why interfere at all? It seems that she is growing up into a good woman. Perhaps that is exactly the reason she needs friends that are older than her - it seems that she has gone through a lot already and is probably very mature for her age. To be honest, going after him legally seems almost vindictive.

Besides that, I need to ask, would you be this upset if this boy was younger, say 16 or 17?

Answer 2

Proof you will need but I would think that you should do an end run........ make sure he goes away.

15 is felony rape so as another said they will investigate it. Even kissing and such can get him charged. They will interview all and the police are very good at figuring things out. It could go like this.... if there is suspicion the may remove your daughter and give her to CPS while this is being sorted out. Even if you signed over guardianship you could drag all of this in court to get parental rights back. If nothing was signed you could yank her to where you are regardless of your circumstances.

I understand that you don't want to do all of this but you have to threaten. Call the sister and explain this sort of thing. She could be charged as well. Explain it to your daughter. Then call the 20 year old and give him a choice.... he does not leave her alone he will be going to jail. But this would probably result in them seeing each other secretly.

Best thing really is to call the police and then call CPS and see what happens. Even if the police don't charge him he will just go away on his own.

Answer 3

Before you confront the police about this, talk to your daughter, in a calm voice, and simply ask her if they are having sex, explain the risks. tell her that you care about her. Maybe you can even tell her your intentions...that you want to call the police and have him arrested. Your daughter will probably refuse and if she does than dont pressure her and dont make any type of promise to her, just tell her that you dont want to see her get hurt. If you do call the cops than they will have experience with this because its actually a very common thing. What they will probably end up doing is writing a report to put on file, and with your permission they will do a rape kit, because when a minor has had sex its considered rape. Your daughter will probably be very upset with you, because if they've had sex she'll think she loves him, which may or may not be true. But the first step is talking to your daughter. Make sure you dont lose your temper, I know its hard but if your calm its a signal that you arent looking to pick a fight with her. Good luck.

Answer 4

Unfortunately, a lot of 20 year old males haven't realized they have no business hanging out with 15 year olds boys or girls anyway.
It will be very hard to prove sexual relations unless you catch them and are able to provide proof to the police. I would suggest you just let the young man know flatly that he's not welcom to spend time with your daughter. Set up real serious concequences for your daughter that you can enforce to set up a boundary that protects her from herself and that young man she's dealng with.
As long as she's living under the roof that you pay a monthly note on and eating the food you buy, using the lights and utilities you pay for , wearing the clothes you bought, then you're the parent and need to lay down the law in love.
You can also put a restraining order out on the boy and have him arrested if he chooses to continue to see her.

Answer 5

Basically the cops will question both kids and then make a decision based on that. If they both say they haven't (whether they have or haven't) I do not see too much the cops can do. You may need proof... try looking for a note r something that talks about sexual experiences between the both of them. I know it's a bit shady but it may produce an answer and the evidence you need.

You could always place a restraining order on the guy, or try talking to your daughter.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

Get a restraining order. You are the parent of a minor, you don't need proof of anything to keep him away. If he still comes around after that, then he's definitely nailing her.

She's 15, you own her. That means you own everything she has. Don't let her use the phone, take her door off her room, take away her computer, cell phone, and lock up her clothes (make her walk around the house in a bathrobe and give her one set of clothes at a time). It's SuperMax lockdown time.

Answer 7

man screw this its people like you that make me sick. when i was a senior in hs I had a young gf freshman and soo did all my friends, i was 18 and she was 15 yes i guess its rape but ohh well i liked her. 6 months of my senior year down the drain for that girl and your gunna say hes just using her i mean thatd be ****** up to ruin this kids life. You need to go to the kid and tell him to stay away or hes gunna go to jail. thats what needs to be done. Not talk to your daughter cause shes prob a stupid little girl. WHo knows maybe they do care about eachother. All i kno is my gf that was a freshman, her mom absolutely loved me, maybe it was cause i had morals and goal like to go to a REAL college and have a good life and im a respectable gentleman but other then that i dunno hwat to say. Plz talk to the kid even if hes a scumbag. Thatd be so messed up that the kid would go to jail for a while and have to be put on a permenent pedifile list because you couldnt just talk to him.... GOD F*CKIN D*mnit. you make me sick


I just wanna let every1 know that im 20 now and havnt touched a girl in hs since i started college

Answer 8

He's an adult and she's a child. You'd need proof of sex, or her admission, to have him arrested. However, you can get a restraining order for him to stay away from her without proving that sex was going on. Contact the DA's office in your city for instructions on how to proceed.

Answer 9

You're probably the reason she's going out with a 20 year old to begin with. You sound like one of those nazi-moms whose kids end up rebelling because they were treated like soldiers.

normobrian: She "owns" her because she's 15? What is she, a dog? A kid will respond to you by how you treat them. If you give them no respect (as is apparently common), you will receive the same.

Answer 10

if your daughter does not admit it (since she is your source of proof), you can't charge the guy. The least amount of proof you need in order to get this guy in trouble is to atleast have your daughter say that they have been having sex. If she doesnt admit that and goes against you, then you will just embaress yourself by going to the cops.