3 weeks before Christmas, I came home on a Monday night to be told by my wife of 13yrs that she doesnt love me anymore and that she wants to separate.
I was devasted, in October we went on a holiday and were trying to concieve our first child (no luck).
I lost the plot and have been struggling to function since, Ive taken time off work to spend with my family over Christmas (wow was that a hard day) and sought some counselling.
Now Im back in our home (she is taking some time with her sister), I want to try to work things out but she is playing hard ball, thing thats really confusing is that pretty much all of her clothes, jewerelly, perfume etc etc etc is still here, its like she's simply gone out shopping...What the hell do i do? She says "nope we are over" but hasnt made any advance on leaving the house...this is so confusing, I love her so much..
2007-12-26 12:45:02 · 14 answers · asked by hurtinghub2007 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow,I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through...
Sounds to me like she is confused and more than a little upset (rationally or not) about your collective inability to start a family. I can't imagine that a few months ago she was ready to begin a family, and now there is no love at all.
You two have to get to the root of the issues between you, however you do it. I know counseling is not for everybody, but it may help resolve some underlying issues.
Good luck to you.
2007-12-26 15:30:27 · answer #1 · answered by Richard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to me dude. Some years ago, I came home from work to the same situation. In my case it was harder because I had a 6 month old baby and a 6yr boy that worshiped me. I wanted to go nuts in the house by myself. I cry endless hours. I didn't see that coming. Three days later she called. She told me the same thing. I don't love you blah,blah, blah. I had a choice to make. She wanted me to beg, I did not. She wanted me to plea. I did not. If she called me, fine, if she didn't ,fine. I did not let her argue on the phone (this will only give her more reasons to convinced herself she was right)...It was hard, because I also had to stare at the toys all over the place. her clothes etc. But I found a self help book,,,"The Divorce Remedy" by Michele Weiner Davis. I follow all seven steps. This was harder than I thought. But guess what? 3 weeks later she was back and we have been the happiest now than we ever were before. A bad situation doesn't mean it will remain bad,,chin up and don't loose hope. Don't stay there. Call old friends,,,get busy...get the book...Let me know how it goes!
2007-12-26 20:54:56 · answer #2 · answered by KingDavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is so much that you are not telling us. She has a reason because women always do. Perhaps if you can be honest about what that reason may be then you can be honest with her and get back on track. If you live in denial and shock then you are turning a blind eye to a problem she feels strongly enough to leave you over it.
You don't live with someone for 13 years and experience "shock" unless you really haven't paid attention to their cues and how they respond. Meditate about it. If it's about the baby then try to work it out but if it's deeper say infidelity or lack of communication then we can't help you. You can however, because conversly 13 years is a whole lot of time to just throw away.
What did you guys argue about most frequently? See her face telling you that thing that drives her crazy. That's your answer.
2007-12-26 20:52:29 · answer #3 · answered by Creole38 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well maybe she wants the house, and isn't going to move her things out. That would have to be settled in court though. I really wish you the best of luck, and I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
Did she say why she wanted to split up ? Have you been having problems or anything like that ? Maybe you should both try marriage counseling.
I really hope everything gets better, try talking to her, instead of avoiding her. Good luck.
2007-12-26 20:49:57 · answer #4 · answered by brittany 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is expecting you to leave. Tha's why all her stuffs is still there. I'm on the same boat. My wife of 20 yrs said I care about you but not in love w/ you. This phrase really puzzled me till tis day. Try to make it work. But if she already have someone else in mind, the big question is should you fight for her or give up? I'm trying to fight for her but she is not helping... Well Good Luck!!!
2007-12-26 20:53:10 · answer #5 · answered by 1-Confused-man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sir, you'll be OK. Life goes on. Confused about what? She wants out help her out. Pack her stuff and let her go because I can almost bet your paycheck against mine she probably go someone on the side. Your house is just a place for her to change/sleep/eat.
2007-12-26 20:56:42 · answer #6 · answered by Eric l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if she wants to play then you play too. If she ahs left behind items and for you to be reminded avery day pack up her things and drop them off where she is so later she can't say you held her belongings hostage. change the locks and then we'll see where she is. if it's over then let it be over and be completely over you need no more reminders of her then you can really try and move on without all the memories. unless you want them.
2007-12-26 21:02:30 · answer #7 · answered by Precious1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a girlfriend. Move ahead. Be glad she made this choice before she got pregnant.
2007-12-26 21:35:14 · answer #8 · answered by Poppy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it could be one of two things either she is just waiting to move her stuff to her own place, or going to take yours or she could be waiting for you (not to ask her back ) but to take her back. you have to figure it out on your own. only so much yahoo answers can tell.
2007-12-26 20:51:16 · answer #9 · answered by LC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take a few weeks...for yourself, after all the emotions of late, you both need time to become rational again.
Seriously, you need this time more than she does.
2007-12-26 20:49:53 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋