i've been married for 4 yrs now wife has son 12 from previous marrage and is a stay at home mom.i work 5 sometimes 6 days a week. i pay all the bills & is the only income source so she doent have to worry about it. when i come home i have to cook about 98 % of the meals plus uasually clean up afterwards as well then i get to relax for maybe 2 to 3 hrs till its bed time, which i go to bed alone as she stays up till whenever and sleeps in till whenever.some nites shes just goes out, & comes home after i've gone to bed so i really dont know when she gets home. she gets $300 child saport from ex & i was giving her $400 more till lately for spending money & that wasnt enough.i opened a new checking account for the bills after i couldnt control the spending w/out her on account & left old account for her. ofcourse since then our sex life has been non- exsistant & she calls the shots on when that will be. so what should a husbands & wifes responabiltys be when she is a stay at home mom??
2007-12-26 12:35:24 · 17 answers · asked by wayne 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is taking advantage of the fact that you are providing her a home where she doesn't have to work... either in the home or not. Her going out and staying out all night spending money without contributing at all is absolutely unacceptable... and by contributing I mean by way of taking care of the house. She's acting like a spoiled 21 year old still living at home with the parents. God only knows what she's doing out there all night and with whom she's doing it with!
You're going to have to reign it in a bit. Tell her that if she wants spending money, she needs to earn it... whether she gets a job or does work around the house. No more allowance until one of those things happens.
2007-12-26 12:41:13 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In every relationship there has to be an understanding. A point where you call the shots (financially) and she calls the shots (in bed) I guess, but she cant use sex against you. You werent paying her to have sex, and she needs to understand,that you make her life easy by paying all the bills so she can stay home. So then she needs to do some house hold chores, shes not a child... She is a wife a mother and a daughter. She needs to start actin glike it before you divorce her *** and she needs to get a 9-5 then she'll really miss you and regret using SEX against you. Your both grown ups, and should be able to talk about this. In this world we have some bastard men and some stupid woman that cant seem to MAKE the relationship work. So I hope you both can work this out for the best outcome. Put all the pride to the side and talk to her after a nice dinner. Buy her roses but tell her that what was done needed to be done because she has no control and no limits on spending. Its just the way it has to be!
2007-12-26 20:45:56 · answer #2 · answered by Cynthia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't care if it's a stay-at-home-mom or a stay-at-home-DAD, I would think it'd be nice of the homemaker to do 85% of the tidying up around the house. You guys don't have any infants, I know, but even a 12 year old can run a person ragged...so you mowing the lawn and taking out trash...helping with laundry now and then? Those are all good things. :)
As for cooking....is she a bad cook? If so, maybe it's good that you are cooking the meals. haha. If she isn't bad at that, then I can think of no reason she wouldn't be cooking at least 4 nights out of the week.
The rest of your question, in all honesty, scares me. She comes and goes at odd hours and no amount of money seems to be enough. Hmmm. Sounds shady. No intimacy at all? Also shady (In my opinion).
I'm not saying she shouldn't be able to go out and have some fun in life, mind you....but when are *you* getting out there to have fun with all the responsibilities you have?
Have you spoken with her and been truly honest about how this is bothering you? If you haven't, I'm afraid she is going to keep walking all over you. And that just sucks.
2007-12-26 22:08:09 · answer #3 · answered by Misty P. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a stay at home mom of two young kids. I tried to have dinner ready when my husband got home from work. I would straighten up during the day so he wouldn't have to come home to a messy house, and would try to do laundry if needed. If your wife is leaving at night, and doesn't come home till early in the morning, there is a problem there. You may want to look into her maybe cheating. Any wife who acts like that, there may be more going on than you know. She is not acting like a woman who is happy with you, and considers your feelings. Most women want to spend their free time with their husband, if not just for quality time, but to keep that spark alive. I definitely think you should questions what she is doing when she is not around you. Good luck to you.
2007-12-26 20:44:46 · answer #4 · answered by natasha s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you should be a little more concerned about what she's doing when she goes out. Sounds like she is extrememly unhappy for some reason and is possibly depressed. She's looking for happiness. As far as giving her $400 on top of the child support she gets I'd stop. It's just a matter of time before she finds someone else and leaves you. The two of you need to start communicating if you want to try to save your marriage. You need to have a serious talk with her.
2007-12-27 01:49:18 · answer #5 · answered by T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First let me ask got a brother!!!!!!!!!!!!! You say you have been married 4 years. I"m guessing this is your first marriage. Son wake -up this is a one side marriage. I do not blame her I blame you for letting her be this way. If I was you take your losses and walk away and just don't look back.And if there is a next time let me tell you when I was a stay home mom I did everything in the house that had to be done That was 7 days a week. Good luck.
2007-12-26 20:53:06 · answer #6 · answered by jay lo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a guy but I found your reading funny as hell. YOU NEED TO BE A MAN ABOUT IT. GROW A PAIR. I'll be damned if I had a woman that was "good for nothing" No woman of mine will ever be allowed to say at home (unless she just had my child then it's only 7-8 months) then she gotta get outta the house. Listen, the writing is on the wall, if your not getting any someone else is. Your pussy whipped. Listen, I know it's hard but don't let your little head control your big head, use your brain, I know you see what's going on but don't want tosee it for what it is. She's a lost case, cut your losses and move on.
2007-12-26 21:26:31 · answer #7 · answered by Eric l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think both of you should be doing your fair share in the relationship and right now it seems like you've been doing most, if not all of the work. I think you should definitely have a talk about who does what but there are no set rules on what a husband or wife should do thats just something that you two should agree on with each other while making sure no one does more than the other.
2007-12-26 20:43:28 · answer #8 · answered by jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that you are in a bad situation and your wife is only using you to support her lifestyle. I think you need to sit down and discuss all of your concerns, and find out what her concerns are. After that you will be able to reach a decision of what the future will be. Not knowing the other side of the story it is hard to say, but if it is as bad as you say I wonder why you have stayed around this long.
2007-12-26 20:44:56 · answer #9 · answered by K K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not living up to hers. Your dinner should be cooked and the house should be clean. She also should go to bed with you at night. She has it made. Money to spend and a man that comes home and cleans up after her. You have given her too much already. I agree with the Gold Digger answer.
2007-12-26 21:48:34 · answer #10 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋