Why?
2007-12-26 12:27:03 · 27 answers · asked by Susie2 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Someone mentioned a councellor but i don't want an 'ear' just to listen, i want a solution and some advice.. Where do i find this?
2007-12-26 12:28:39 · update #1
to add a bit more info.... the relationship (from my side is doomed) i no longer love him due to his attitude and ways, i've tryed to change him and he says if i dont like it, then i know what i can do etc.. he loves me and for him life is Rosy, as i do look after him and see to his needs
2007-12-26 12:40:47 · update #2
I know how you feel. I was telling my ex-husband for years that I wasn't happy & couldn't go on like that. Then when I finally said it was over, he was all surprised like he had no clue anything was wrong.
They just refuse to hear it because they don't want to face the truth.
When you tell him you're unhappy, tell him what areas specifically you are unhappy with and what changes you would like to see. Write it down if he won't listen. A counsellor can help you work on communication with him.
If he won't listen & doesn't want to work on it, then you have no choice but to suffer or move on.
2007-12-26 12:38:21 · answer #1 · answered by Pogo peeps 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen girl, If your man will not listen to what you need to say, then drop his *** quick. It is not a good thing to be in a relationship with someone who does not add to you relationship with positivity. Now, if you guys are married then you need to seek out some marriage therapy to get back on track... I don't want to say that all is lost because sometimes it helps if counseling is envolved. The key though is having a mediator there to keep the discussion going forward to a solution instead of being stuck screaming about the same thing and coming short of the soulution. But if that don't work, kick his *** to the curb because there are so many wonderfull fish in the sea. Hope that helps a little.
2007-12-26 12:36:13 · answer #2 · answered by soulgirl4you 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That means he DOES know how unhappy you are, but doesn't want to deal with it.
In that case, I see two choices:
1. Force him to deal with it. Sit there, even if he has no response, and detail to him exactly why you are unhappy. Tell him that this is not fair to you, and that you will give him one week to come up with a response that will help the both of you get this resolved.
Tell him that if he doesn't, you will be forced to conclude that he doesn't really give a fat rats' butt about you, and you'll have to then decide what to do about that. This could mean leaving him or any other number of things of your choice.
or
2. Live with it.
There may be more choices than that, you can probably come up with more, but those are pretty much the main ones I think. Good luck and best wishes to you.
2007-12-26 12:32:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
they relationship is doomed already, without communication yall not going to get to the next step whatever thats is.........he don't wanna talk...Guys sometimes when can be buttholes but if he doesn't want to hear it maybe u need to find someone that will make u happy and listening sometimes to things that bother...with us guy we only have a 15 minute attention span....after 15 minutes we don't hear anything u are saying .but i bet he speaks up when he wants some ***....word of advice...if he acts like that now....imagine how he would act if yall had kids, he probably wouldn't even want to hear what little matt did today
2007-12-26 12:34:13 · answer #4 · answered by peelowg2k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe me he knows how unhappy you are, he is just avoiding the issue.
When you say "partner", I would have to think you are not bound legally.
If that is the case, just say you will leave if the circumstance is not dealt with.
If he still avoids dealing with the issue leave.
Do really want to be in a unhappy relationship ?
2007-12-26 12:45:22 · answer #5 · answered by All-One 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it depends on what you mean by "try to talk to him" cos sometines ppl shout instead of talk and that causes anyone on the receiving end to shut off...try talking to him in a calm manner and in a neutral environment...when he is not stressed out or anything...
try a marriage counsellor...just to give you a neutral ground...
try going out to dinner or lunch...were there are not distractions...
you could send him an email or a letter...he will read it dont worry...i know it s a bit tacky but you gotta do what u gotta do...not just about your problems but about how much you love him and dont want to lose him and how you long to have those "early r/ship moments" back...
try to listen to him...maybe he has issues that he is having a hard time with....
if all fails...get out....it s not worth it....get a divorce girlfriend cos there is someone out there better than him...
i would have said try getting friend or family...but that is a fundamental flaw...never invovle them...cos it just gets worse and you have everyone sticking their nose in..unless u ve told them already...
anyways goodluck though...
2007-12-26 12:35:40 · answer #6 · answered by Toplar 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A counselor doesn't just listen, they're more of a mediator that tries to get the both of you communicating and working towards a solution.
But that won't fix or improve you problem if he refuses to talk about it. He's got to want to fix it for you to make any progress in improving things. Since he's not at the moment you're going to be hitting a brick wall.
2007-12-26 12:31:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Okay, this is not your fault (number one) ...first, "do you want to continue this relationship?" If yes, you need to accept that he has a personal issue that you both need to work thru. (Although, it's a stumbling point, it's not impossible to overcome) it will begin with him.
What you need to do is learn how to approach these issues with him in a non-confrontational way...non-derogatory. Meaning, i.e. "Hey, I really think we need to spend more quality time together..just you and me." "Let's go on a date."
Find ways to get him to discuss things without it being so apparent...like when out on that date ..say "we need to do this more!" Or - Talk about things that excite you and would make you happy. Unfortunately, this part will have to start with you...ideas of fun and adventure. Bring him back to YOU!
Life is what you make it! Is it really him that is the root to your un-happiness or could it be you?
If you're not feeling pretty..get a new hair style or color. Try a new perfume...get a bottle of wine after work on the way home. Try to relax more...I just put a nature sounding waterfall in my kitchen...now, I stay in my relaxing kitchen more.
2007-12-26 12:52:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds familiar!
My experience is you can't do anything with a partner like this - part of it is a power trip. Lay down succinctly what you will put up with or won't and enforce it.
Be prepared to move on and fire works.
You have one life to live - is it worth wasting time on being unhappy?
2007-12-26 12:44:48 · answer #9 · answered by flip 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Really, good communication is the most important thing to maintain a good relationship... it sounds like if your guy refuses to communicate the situation is not going to improve.
You said you didn't want to hear it but I think you need to tell him counseling or it's over.
2007-12-26 12:30:34 · answer #10 · answered by Snugs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋