How do you smooth over relations between breastfeeders and bottlefeeders?

Question

Each side has issues with the other side. Each side makes the other side feel defensive about their choices and decisions. How should both sides smooth over relations with the other while remaining true to their own beliefs?

Additionally, although I don't have children of my own, I definitely plan to breastfeed. I admit that I believe breast is best, but I would never openly criticize a bottlefeeding mom for her choice.

Also, I am not looking for derogatory responses directed towards either side. Just productive suggestions because I have seen nasty debates several times over and it drives me insane.

I agree that it shouldn't be an issue and that people should just respect other people's decisions. However, if I come across another nasty debate, any suggestions on specific advice as to how to smooth it over?

I feel that the only time people should be blatantly against formula or bm is when it is proven to be harmful to the baby. I have heard of instances where the baby is allergic to formula and instances where the baby is allergic to bm (yes, some babies are allergic to their mom's natural milk; it's rare, but it happens).

Answer 1

I think most women, on this forum, other forums, and in our real lives... do NOT try to "make the other side feel defensive"... that is often the perception of the people feeling defensive.

Notice I say MOST... though I've seen several do it in this forum, I personally in my real life only know of one mom who will openly criticize bottle feeding... and I'm heavily involved with my La Leche League group!!

I think most women just need to feel confident in what they're doing, research what you do first, don't just blindly take the info you're given or how you were raised or how your sister is raising her kids or it must be good since they have a thousand cans on the grocery store shelf... research stuff before you do it, so you're confident in why you're chosing what you are chosing. If you strongly believe in what you're doing, that it is right for your family, you won't feel defensive.

I'm a breastfeeding mom, and I try to be on "team mommy and team baby" never on "team bottle or boobie."

I do feel the need to openly criticize the people who give worried first time moms the wrong info about breastfeeding... they're stupid and need to read a book or two.

Answer 2

I think that people should just do what works best for them in their own situation. It doesn't mean you love or don't love your child more. The only way it's going to be "smoothed over" is for people to just mind their own business and do whatever works for them and not worry about the next person is doing. After all.... iiiiiiiits aaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllll gooooood!


Edit: I really didn't wanna take a stance on this question, but for those answerers who say that any excuse for NOT breastfeeding is "b.s.", that is totally not true. Many moms can't. I nursed my daughter for 3 weeks, but I did not produce enough milk period. She was born at 7 lbs 8 oz, and dropped to 6 lbs 7 oz in the hospital and by 3 weeks she still had not regained her birthweight because she was not getting enough milk - my doctor suggested trying to pump to increase my milk supply, but even though I would pump (with a hospital grade pump) for 45 minutes to an hour, the most I could ever get was less than 2 oz. So, yeah, there's reasons why some moms can't. Others have to work full time at jobs that won't allow them to pump for 15 to 30 minutes ever 2 to 4 hours, and some have various other medical reasons. If you can, that's great and it's probably best for your child and your situation, but for others it's not that way. You've just gotta do what works for your situation and let others be and do what they see fit for theirs. People don't always know the reasons and so they make wrong assumptions, and it's those wrong assumptions that bring on incorrect and unwarranted judgement from others, and as the quote goes "that ain't right"! lol. :) Peace out and God bless!

Answer 3

That can be a hard topic. I am a new mom who decided to try breastfeeding. Thankfully it worked out for me. I say that because my friend who is also a new mom and chose to breastfeed ended up not being able to because her body just wouldn't produce enough milk. I think that as long as the baby is getting sufficent nutrition either from the breast or formula that it shouldn't be an issue. Also, some people have privacy issues with breastfeeding, or issues with busy schedules that they feel they can't interupt to pump so they use the bottle instead. Like I said before as long as the baby is being fed and taken care of that is all that should matter no matter what either side believes is right or wrong. :) Hope this helps.

Answer 4

My suggestion would be to stop pointing out the differences between the two. I know it sounds horrible, but let me explain. I am a bottle feeding mom, and I am simply because I chose to be. I didn't have any problems producing milk, and pumped for the first 10 weeks of my son's life, and then switched to formula. The only problem that I have with the debate between formula and breast milk is when friends (and strangers) try to educate me about how breast milk is best. I KNOW that the benefits of breast milk and nursing strongly outweigh the benefits of formula feeding, but I honestly just wasn't comfortable with physically nursing. After a couple of months, pumping became too overwhelming and time consuming, and then we switched.

I know in the eyes of many my reason for formula feeding isn't really a reason at all, and if I had known the truth about breastfeeding and where to get support, I would have chosen that. Truthfully I didn't, and it makes me so upset when people assume that I made my choice out of ignorance, and are now trying to convince me that I made the wrong one. My son is almost 9 months old. Do they expect me to all of a sudden decide that I made a horrible decision and re-lactate?

I believe that a lot of moms do need to be educated about breastfeeding, and I believe that the WIC programs do everything in their power to encourage moms to not use formula. Ultimately the decision does rest with the parents though. I try to remember that a happy mom is what is best for the baby. My son is going to benefit more from having a happy, relaxed, and not stressed mom and being formula fed than he is going to benefit from a stressed and resentful mom and drink breast milk.
Thanks for your provoking question and for a chance to share my opinions.

Answer 5

The sad truth is that you can't. Mothers have just become too touchy about this subject.
Formula feeding mommies feel themselves attacked, even when someone brings up the mention of breastmilk. They get defensive, and then it looks like are feeling guilty for their decision, when that might not even be the case.
Some breastfeeding mommies hate when people use excuses for not breastfeeding, but when someone says "I didn't breastfeed because I didn't want too," then they accuse them of not being a good, or selfless parent.
You just have to surround yourself with positive people who are going to respect your decision, which ever that maybe.
I have an almost 13 month old daughter who was formula fed her whole life, and that was the right choice for me and my family. My next child I plan to breastfeed, and I hope that it's a choice that will be right too.
My advice for this ridiculus debate...stay out of it. If you notice, it's the same few people anyway. Let them argue among themselves.

Answer 6

As long as people have choices people will debate about them. I think both sides can be very miss informed. I'm a mother to a 7 month old daughter who wanted nothing but to breastfeed her. Then I ended up with a traumatic birth, not enough milk at first, sore nipples, thrush and mastitis 2 times! I'm still breastfeeding my 7 month old but I sure do understand why someone would bottle feed. We all know breast milk has is best for baby but it isn't always best for a family. If a women doesn't have support it can be really difficult to breast feed. I was blessed with a boyfriend who really supported me. I wanted to give up and he kept reminding me of why I choose to breastfeed in the first place.

Answer 7

I don't know If I know the answer but I hate it!!

I breast feed about 3/4 of my sons calories right now but, I don't make enough milk to do it all so he gets 1- 2 bottles a day.
I am doing what I can, and I hate the looks or even being asked why I am giving a bottle.

My son is healthy, to me it feels like a slap in the face, like the persons thinks I am not capable of making the best decision for my baby.
Also I think Moms sometimes like to feel Superior to each other like " I breast feed for 12 months / oh ya I did it for 13!
It's nuts,
Moms should stick together and realize that being a new mom is stressful and no new mom needs to feel like she isn't doing a great job no matter what she chooses to do.

Some time women suck, we really need to learn to treat each other better!

Answer 8

By putting out any information on a public forum you are inviting responses, which may or may not agree with you. If a people are confident with their choices, why should they care or feel the need to defend themselves to complete strangers? Obviously, there are a few people that take it too far, but the sensible among us should be able to filter these comments out over people trying to provide information and advice (whether they agree or not).

For the most part, what I see, is people attempting to dispel some of the misinformation out there and frankly, there is a lot of it. Some mothers may not realize that there is good help and resources out there and that you shouldn't necessarily take the advice of your doctor/mother/friend without doing you own research. It's not a belief, it's a fact that "breast is best" and putting out as much good information to support breastfeeding is really in everyone's best interest. I don't think anyone necessarily wants to make other people feel badly, but to help people make the best choices for their children (even if it comes in the form of blatantly pointing out the truth).

Answer 9

I think a lot of women wouldn't be so judgemental and nasty if they weren't sitting behind a computer. Think about it, I don't think a lot of these women would actually voice all their negative feelings and opinions to a strangers face.

Bottom line people just need to respect that not everyone does everything the same period!

----I do agree that there isn't enough good advise and information on breastfeeding coming from the Dr's and hospitals. The nurses at the hospital where I had my son, didn't even make sure he was latched correctly or latched at all for that matter when I went home. I do admit that I didn't know about resources like the LLL to help women who desperatley want to breastfeed. I didn't know there were resources at all. I feel that I wasn't educated enough to sucessfully breastfeed but at least the second time around it's going to be way different for me. I don't feel bad at all that my son is formula fed, with my milk drying up in 2 weeks what else was I going to feed him? My son is a healthy, happy and normal 15mo old, what else could I ask for?

Answer 10

I don't know if there is an answer to this. I breastfed for 15 months with my daughter and plan to do it again. I have a lot of family who tried to breastfeed and couldn't do it either not producing enough milk or not being able to stick with it. I think any mom who at least tries deserves a lot of credit.