Should i tell fiancee about gay past?

Question

Im 25 years old (male) and engaged to my fianceee who iv been with for around two years but as we get closer to the big day theres something thats really bothering me
Baisically between the ages of 14-17 when i was at boarding school i fooled around (for want of a better word) with one of the guys i shared a room with. Since then nothing like this has ever happened but iv never told anybody about this and so much of me wants to get it off my shoulders and tell her to start married life honestly and everything but on the other hand so much of me dosent want to say any anything for fear of what her reaction might be. Do you think that i should say anything or is it something we could go for the rest of our lives without her ever needing to know?
Thanks in advance

Answer 1

Just like a criminal record everything that has happened before you turn 18 is sealed

Answer 2

Think about this ... what if you get married .. then years pass by .. and for some strange reason - the truth surfaces from someone else? What then?

If it were me, I would want to know.

I know you are scared to tell her .. but by not telling her - you are taking away her choices.

Also - this will follow you forever .. it will be a heavy thing on your heart, and on your mind.

I realize the cost of the revelation could be high.

I realize that many people can do different things .. but there are some people cannot do some things .. and others who will not understand them.

I am not asking this question for any reason with the exception of you .. asking yourself .. which is .. do you think these type tendencies could later come out in your life? No one knows this but you .. and it is a consideration which you might think about.

I don't know if you all could go the rest of your lives without her finding out ... because I know that things have a way of coming out .. and it comes to surface in the most unexpected & unusaul ways .. and usually when it is least unexpected. Surprises happen .. and things happen that you never thought would happen. For instance ... does anyone else know about what happened at boarding school? Have you ever told anyone? If you have - then other people besides that person, knows, too. Also - what about the other guy? .. has he told? "What-if" the other guy gets married .. then his wife finds out, and she becomes enraged about it - and looks your wife up, and tells her? This is some of the things which could happen.

I don't know if you should say anything, or not. I just know that I would want to know. I would want to be able to make my own decision of what I would want to do about it.

One other consideration - is that if it is conftonted now .. she would have her choice .. and it would be in the past. Unless .. you would have to go through it with another person.

If I found this information out later on - I would feel betrayed because my choices would have been taken away from me.

She is your fiance ... your know her thoughts & reactions.

Answer 3

A no-brainer. This is past histpory and a boyhood experiment if you would like to think of it that way.


We all have both male and female hormones, and sometimes, they go a bit bizzerk. So what!~ It's in the past and was a childhood experiment.

You are an adulkt and probably have shame about it. If so, realize that no one is beyoind having made either mistakes or has done things which are not in our best interest. Even if you thought iut were right at that time, it does not have anything to do with your present as a mature person.

Release this by doing some good deeds and do not dwqell on the past and your unnecessary worries which are not a present thing.

Answer 4

Exploration. It doesnt make you gay by any means. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I can pretty much tell you that at some point in her life she has more then likely made out, or explored as well with another female. If its something that bothers you and you thank she can handle hearing it then tell her. But heed what I say. Not all females can handle hearing the man they love has been with another man. Even to explore. So, just bring it up kidding around, say a friend told you something about them when they were younger and go from there. If she mentions it, then assume all is well. If she can accept that. Then she and you can handle anything that come your way as a married couple. Gl I wish you all the best

Answer 5

You're worried about it so just let her know.

I would be extremely upset if my boyfriend hid something like this from me. I would want to know the truth and wouldn't have wanted him to tell me after marriage or even worst if I found out from someone else. Relationships are built on love and trust. My current b/f had told me something he did in the past that I consider even worst than "experimenting" or being bi. It didn't change who he was now or how I felt about him. While I felt a little taken aback that he did something like that, I was actually happy that he admitted it to me, instead of hiding it from me.

I do hope that you truly are straight and your past wasn't anything more than experimenting. It would be wrong for you to marry a woman if you know deep down you want to be with a man.

Answer 6

Of course, Honesty is the best policy; then again, what you don't know won't hurt you. On the other hand, knowing where you're coming from, my question to you is: If nobody but you, the other guy and the Good Lord knows, then why the hell would you dare speak of it?! If the road has smooth pavement, trust me, you shoudn't go around making potholes, life does that for you plenty enough. This is experience talking. Good luck!!!!

Answer 7

You're simply not gay, you were just a teenage boy doing what lots of teens do---experiment. Chalk it up to exploring.
I just ask my boyfriend if there was anything in his past that he didn't want me to know. He said absolutely not. I told him to ask me the same question. He did and I said "yes, there are things I don't want you to ever know". My answer was honest, his was not. Honesty is always the best, but there are things I wish my boyfriend had not told me. It makes it difficult to commit to him always wondering if those things in his past will come back to haunt me. Just accept the fact that there are things in her past, as well. Not only should she not tell you, but she should never tell you. You should not tell her because she will never be able to let it go. She'll want to know how far did you go, how many times, did you like it, do you still see him, who else knows, were you on top/bottom, did it feel better than her, blah, blah, blah. Don't Tell!!!

Answer 8

If you were sexually attracted to a male then you will have this in your life always and it is better for you to understand what you need before you even think about marriage. If you get past that then you can decide about telling your fiance. But first you need help figuring out just what the real deal was at school. This is big and not to be pused to the back. Get counseling, don't say anything to your fiance until you get to the bottom of yourself first.

Answer 9

confident, you ought to tell her. Teenage experimentation isn't the tip of the international. commencing off on an trustworthy foot shall we her make her very own judgements approximately how she feels approximately this. by employing no longer telling her you deprive her of her determination. You never understand, she could open up and permit you recognize approximately something comparable. it may be an outstanding ingredient. there is the prospect that it is going to likely be a detrimental ingredient too. Get all of it out on the table now till now your plans circulate from now on. Do you incredibly need to spend something of your existence with somebody which you're feeling the would desire to cover who you incredibly are from? tell her. good success :)

Answer 10

Sounds to me like this is in your past, and you don't want to go back there. Only tell her things which you feel will affect your current relationship. For the same reason you don't tell your fiance about every girl you've slept with, you need not tell her about every guy, either. If you have an STD, or feel you are still bisexual, those, I feel would warrant a discussion, as they could affect her. Otherwise, ignorance may be bliss. Good luck!

Answer 11

I wouldn't say anything to her if you are sure it WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. If you still think about it and are afraid this might be something you might do again when given the opportunity I would tell her. She needs to know there may be a chance she will be fighting with another guy later in the marriage to keep you.And keep in mind this Will change her mind about marrying you. Good luck with whatever you do.