How can I improve my protest poem?

Question

Stop it stop it don't do that
cease and desist and unchop that tree
stand up for justice and stuff
stop the war and bomb the bad guys and whatever

Answer 1

I think you have it just right. Don't touch a thing. And don't add anything to it. The vapid targets of this poem couldn't string more than four lines together. Your parody is close enough to perfection that I urge you to quit while you're ahead.

Answer 2

A better version of your poem:

Stop it, stop it! Don't do that!
Cease and desist, undo what's been done,
Stand up for justice, truth and right.
Just stop this war.

First of all, Don't use...And Stuff.
How do you unchop a tree?
Stopping the war would include stopping the dropping of bombs...So bombing the bad guys or whatever does not make sence either. Really, the 'bad guys' would just bomb us back. Not the most pleasant of situations.
If you want people to take you seriously, don't use 'whatever.' It makes you seem like you don't care.
Also, in a war, there are truly no 'bad guys,' just two different points of view.
The best way to give your poem feeling is to rewrite it.

Answer 3

Stop it stop it don't do that
Use a toilet and not my hat
Cease and desist and unchop that tree
What, you think you get it for free?
Stand up for justice and stuff
And for the right to partake of snuff
Stop the war
Hardy har har
And bomb the bad guys
With three-day old fish eyes
And whatever
Fills your quiver
And remember, we deliver
To your door, in a rusty flivver
Oh cry me a river
Give me your liver
You're not using it
Just abusing it
I think Country Mama
Likes your pajama

Answer 4

Let me help the people understand this more deeply...

In line #1, Mr. Penfold asks us all to stop whatever it is we are doing.

In line #2, He wants to reverse time, replacing each splinter of the fallen Naughty Pine.

In line #3, Here, Mr. Penfold shows us the darker side of his art. He wants us to believe that there is a moral imperative. When, in reality, he means values are undefinable.

In line #4, Finally, in his summation, Mr. Penfold points out that modern precision guided munitions make football a dangerous game for the Germans in 2008.

I hope this helps.
TD

Answer 5

Well, pick only ONE subject and write a protest poem about that....cause....
Not chopping trees has NOTHING to do with stopping war.
Stopping a war has NOTHING to do with go ahead and 'bomb the bad guys' anyway.

If bombing the bad guys who are chopping those trees would stop a war...I'd like to see that one...but the trees are bombed anyway, and THAT idea just went out the window!!!!!

Elysabeth

Answer 6

Punch up the rhythm and tighten the rhyme scheme. Protest poetry is essentially an updated, poor man's version of Gregorian Chants. The words can be inane or even obscure--but the scansion has to perfect.

Answer 7

That is one of the best poems ever [not] and you really took time to find all the words..Nice try Penfold but i have seen your real, poetry ' and it is damn good no joke .

Answer 8

Sweeeet, Dude, they could use you in BC man, stop the wind of change,
Revert, retreat, run away run away.
Ahhh do you mean we have to circle the wagon's again?
Regurgitate, regulate, rebuttal.

Don't bogart that joint my friend, hand it over to me.

Answer 9

STOP STOP STOP!
Save the seals and the monkeys and the trees and the bears and the soft furnishings and the petrochemical plants..... no wait...

Answer 10

Try using more specific details. Right now I haven't got a clue what you are protesting exactly. If you are going for an environmental issue, don't just say "unchop that tree" but rather pick someplace specific. I was so sad to hear Gilligan's Island's lagoon was drained and paved over by a parking lot years ago that it made me think no one really cares about anything at all. It made me think of the lyrics Is there a forest near you with a specific name that is at risk? Maybe you can write about something else you feel strongly about.

Here are some lyrics to "Big Yellow Taxi" to get an idea of how to expand your poem.
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swinging hot spot
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop, shoo-bop-bop-bop

They took all the trees and put ’em in a tree museum
And then they charged all the poeple twenty-five bucks just to see ’em
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop, shoo-bop-bop-bop

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your ddt now
Give me spots on my apples but leave me the birds and the bees, please
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone
They paved paradise and they put up a parking lot
I say, they paved paradise and they put up a parking lot

Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone
They paved paradise and they put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop

Late last night I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi carried off my old man
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone
They paved paradise and they put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop

Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone
They paved paradise and they put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop
Oh, now, they paved paradise and they put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop
Hey, steam rolled paradise and put up a parking lot
Shoo-bop-bop-bop-bop

http://www.absolutelyrics.com/lyrics/view/amy_grant/big_yellow_taxi/