We were still very much in love and planning our future after we retired in 3 yrs. How can I move forward knowing that he was taken from me by careless mistakes of others. We had so much to look forward to together. We had grandchildren due anytime and loving children. Why did this happen to us? My heart is broken and I am not able to find any peace. It has been 7 months. Does anyone know how I can learn to accept this? And forgive those who caused this?
2007-12-26 10:05:29 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I lost my love to a medical mistake. He went in for an elective surgery and staff were careless and oversedated him for pain. This cause him to stop breathing and when the Special CPR team came they decided he wasn't resuscitatable. They said it as an embolus so didn't do their best. They put the endotracheal tube in his esophagus so he never got any oxygen. So my love of 34 years died that night. How can this happen in our world of medical miracles?
2007-12-26 10:16:50 · update #1
I wish I knew the right answer to give you, the only thing I can tell you is to remember the good things and try to find strength in your heart to go on. Sorry I don't know the right answer but just pray for happiness in your heart I guess. Sorry for you but I will think of you and say a prayer for you tonite. Well since you told me that If I were you I would find a good malpractise lawyer and sue that hospital, It will not change things but it may for their next patient, the lawyer will not charge you either. that is terrible.
2007-12-26 10:14:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you. Ten years ago I lost the love of my life and I still miss him. In time and we're talking longer than 7 months.... you'll hurt less. The first year is the hardest because it's the "first" time for everything w/o him.... Remember that this is true not only for you but for everyone in the family and everyone else who knew him. The second year is easier. You are fortunate to have a children and grandchildren and they'll be there for you. Is there someone in the family w/ whom you could talk about the way you feel? It needs to be someone who has compassion and empathy and will let you say the same thing...express the same anguish.. relive the same happy memories over and over..as many times as you need to say them. It does work. You will survive. You will be able to move on. There is no set time frame for healing. I went to group grief counsel ling that was set up through the hospice. Is there such a group close to you? It sounds like you are ready to talk about your grief with others and that's the time to go to classes. My church also had a counsel ling group. In that group I met another lady who had also lost a loved one. We have remained friends through all of our own personal ups and downs.... You've made a good start by opening up in this venue. The forgiveness will come in time when your anger dissipates.
2007-12-26 10:17:20 · answer #2 · answered by singlegal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's difficult to answer because we don't know whether someone caused you to divorce or did something that caused his death. The grieving process in each situation, and the handling of your anger, etc, is different for those two situations, so if you could, elaborate a little bit.
EDIT: Thanks for clarifying... and I can feel your frustration. The only consolation I can offer is that medical science is not exact and is often unpredictable. I lost my mother due to a 10 year oversight by her doctor, although I understand how completely different that is than losing a spouse. It's hard for us to understand what goes on in the minds of a doctor/technician when we haven't the experience or training they have... so although it may have been preventable and you will always hold resentment for having lost him unnecessarily, try to remind yourself of that fact. This is not something that you will ever get over, but as time passes you'll think less of the what/how and concentrate on celebrating the life you had together. Try to engage yourself in activities with friends and family; although this doesn't fix anything it does help the time pass with less anger/pain when keeping your mind off things. My parents were together about that long when my father died; and that's exactly what my mother did. She became involved in church activities and she and my aunts lived out the retirement my parents had dreamed of as best as they could without him there. And remember... it's not too late to find a new companion; at this point it may feel like a betrayal to think that way but in time it could be what saves your sanity.
2007-12-26 10:10:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right off your #1 mistake is most people haven't a clue to what swinging is really about, to some who have dabbled in it or a one time show think it is all about the sex, or worse yet swingers are looking for sex with others because their partner isn't doing something right. You understand the wrong you did by more or less forcing your husband into something he was unwilling to participate in in the first place. Being honest with him about how sorry you are for everything is the first and biggest step. The rest will be a day to day sincerity on your part as to how much you love him. Given time and patience he will see you for the woman he loves and married.
2016-05-26 10:36:51 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lost my first husband due to illegal carelessness by someone, so I know that it hurts. Religion is about the only hope to forgive - I don't know if you are a churchgoer, but that may help. Remember that if you don't forgive and hold your anger and hurt, then there are two victims and not one. You were left alive for a reason; there is much good that you can do in the world in his memory. There is a support group called "Hope for Bereaved" that helped me a lot. Good luck to you, my dear.
2007-12-26 10:12:19 · answer #5 · answered by eldots53 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest speaking to a therapist/counselor. Such a loss can be difficult to get over and someone who hasn't gone through it hardly knows what to say or suggest.
I'm very sorry for your loss and hope you can find peace and happiness ahead of you, even though it will be different without your previous partner, your life should still be able to have meaning, purpose for you, and be as joyous a you desire.
Take care of you and please find someone to speak to that can help you work through your feelings and accept what you cannot change, and move forward.
2007-12-26 10:10:09 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That mistake must've been a doozie! Anyway, how could anyone else make a mistake that would end a 34 year relationship?
2007-12-26 10:09:43 · answer #7 · answered by annvictorblue 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Find solace in your children and grandchildren. And you know too, that he would want you to be happy. So, do it for them and him. I don't know if you can forgive those who caused this, and I don't even know if you should forgive them.
2007-12-26 10:09:49 · answer #8 · answered by Dave B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
look for change but u must solve the past problem first
2007-12-26 10:09:44 · answer #9 · answered by Ray E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋