Do you have any criteria for choosing your future spouse?

Question

like for example, they should be able to cook, have a sense of humour, love kids, be helpful, no smoke/drink and etc

if so, what are they?

if you are married - is your spouse exactly like what you wanted them to be?

Answer 1

I think that if you don't have some criteria for choosing a spouse, then you're pretty much totally doomed to failure! Otherwise, you might as well pick someone out of the phone book, right?
Personally, I don't care so much about the little crap like domestic skills, taste in home decor, etc. In the grander scheme of things, that's not important at all. What's crucial is intellectual and emotional compatibility. Some things that fall under that umbrella are: sense of humor, philosophy/religion, long-term goals, lifestyle, priorities, respect, trust. And of course, a healthy and active sex life is very important as well.
But I believe the one big overriding priority is excellent communication. I wouldn't even consider marrying someone I didn't feel like I could talk to about almost anything.

Answer 2

Choosing a mate

Despite years of feminism and other sorts of indoctrination, it appears that our genetic heritage still rules the roost:
While humans may pride themselves on being highly evolved, most still behave like the stereotypical Neanderthals when it comes to choosing a mate, according to research by Indiana University cognitive scientist Peter Todd. In a new study, Todd and colleagues found that though individuals may claim otherwise, beauty is the key ingredient for men while women, the much choosier of the sexes, leverage their looks for security and commitment. [...]

Not surprisingly, Todd said, participants stated they wanted to find someone who was like themselves -- a socially acceptable answer. But once the sessions began, the men sought the more attractive women and the women were drawn to material wealth and security, setting their standards according to how attractive they viewed themselves. Furthermore, while men on average wanted to see every second woman again, the women wanted to meet only a third of the men again.

Answer 3

I'm married and when I was 16 I had a long list---probably around 20 or more items of things my soul mate should be. Let's just say that list has come down to 5 or less. Of course my husband is not exactly what I wanted him to be. When you love someone, you will be willing to make sacrifices and exceptions.

Answer 4

Subconsciously, it must have been in the far recesses of my mind all along! Although I'd like to think of myself as being fairly broadminded (which proves now that I am so not!), reading your Q has made me realise that I've never been in a relationship with anyone of a different faith from mine. Somehow I gravitated towards men with the same religious background.

Answer 5

Is my husband exactly what I built up in my mind - no, of course not. They never are and if you expect them to hold up to that image you won't be married very long.

My husband doesn't cook - never has and I don't want him to; I prefer my kitchen in one piece. He does help out with the general housework, has a good sense of humor and we are very similar in thought and outlook in a lot of things - more so than we are different.

My husband is great but he has his faults. I have faults too. - I'm human so I certainly don't get away scot-free where that is concerned. Even with that, love, respect and patience goes a long way and that is what helps keep us in balance.

Answer 6

Whats funny is everything I always thought I wanted in a girl, is pretty much the exact opposite of the girl I fell in love with. Go figure.

You cant help who you fall in love with.
I truly believe you cant list the things you are looking for in a mate and hold to them. If you do, you may pass up on the love of your life...

Answer 7

They need to be open minded and not judgmental. And have a sense of humor is a must...Being able to cook would be a plus, as well as being some what neat.

Answer 8

I'm on my 2nd marriage and he's not what I thought he'd be. Turns out he can't hold down a decent job for any length of time. I'd be better off if I'd stayed with the first spouse. Wish I knew then what I know now....

Answer 9

i am married and u should try to get your spouse that has the same interest u have now my wife we are alike but differ in some ways but we compliment each other

Answer 10

My future wife must be physically attractive to me. Notice that I didn't say she has to be attractive. She only has to be attractive to me. I have no stringent physical preferences.

Beyond that, I have to be able to enjoy spending time with her, communicate with her, and trust her.

It really hurts me when I hear a woman say that she takes medication to stay human. I don't deal well with mood swings, not even those caused by PMS, which is something I consider to be nothing more than an excuse to act like a turd. Any woman who wants to be with me needs to control her anger. I don't punch, kick, slap, push, call names, or break things. Any woman who would be with me has to share that quality with me. I won't give second chances for any kind of abuse; physical or verbal.

Women often say that a man has to do whatever he did to get her in order to keep her. Usually, these women are unaware that the same rule applies to them. I have two sisters, and they both became b!tches after they got married. I would be divorced within a week if my new wife were to turn sides like that. My wife can let herself go a little bit, but not change how she respects me.

And sex? Many women use sex as a weapon to get their way with their husbands/boyfriends. Others just don't care. Others lose their sex drive for a variety of reasons. But, hey!!! If you want this dog to stay on the porch, you're gonna need to pet him once in a while. We will need to figure out what the problem is and work TOGETHER to solve it. If the problem is with me, fine. Let me know how to fix it. Tell me what to do or not do. Giving me permission to cheat is not an option. If I'm married to someone, it is because I don't want to play the field anymore. If she wants to send me off the porch, I might as well not have a collar. I'm not very demanding or hard to please. But what very few women fail to realize is that, to a man, refusing to have sex is going to make him feel just like a woman feels when her husband stops taking her out to romantic dinners. Sex isn't the most important thing, but it is important. If a medical situation is the cause of failed sex in a marriage, that's one thing. Stopping it for no reason is another.

Most important of all, she has to love me as much as I love her. That is the hardest thing to find. Most people have immature love. Immature love says I love you because I need you.
I'm looking for someone who will say "I need you because I love you."

It's a lot to ask for, all that I seek. I'm not happy being single, but it's better than wishing I was. I never want to be divorced again. One has to be picky. I refuse to be serially married.

EDIT:
I don't know who gave me a thumbs down, but I assume that it was because that person thought I was coming down too hard on women. I wasn't. Only on some women. Not all, not even most. Certainly, many. I wouldn't dare say that men are perfect. We have a lot of our own problems, and that goes for me as well. They are just different problems, and if this question were different, I might have had just as much to say about us.

On the other hand, I might have struck a nerve with the Thumbs Down person. If so, perhaps you should ask yourself why you took my little diatribe personally. If the shoe doesn't fit, why does one still put it on and walk in it?

El Chistoso