Mother took care of down syndrome child. Child now 25 yrs old Mother passed away. Father of the child states he can not care for her on any visits only. Expects daughter in law to care for her. (bathroom, feeding etc) since she is a woman as well. Child lives full time at group home. 2 brothers 1 lives out of the Country. Other brother ignores sister if she is visiting. Wife is tired of being taken advantage of as family is looking to make her take over where the mother left off Every holiday.
Who should be doing this?
2007-12-26 08:25:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Note, this is not about money as she lives full time in a group home this is about visits and holidays as brothers and dad are good at giving orders instead of lending a hand and helping out.
2007-12-26 08:40:52 · update #1
You are obviously the only one who cares enough about her. If they do not care then keep them away. I would at least expect them to provide financial support.
You care, you have to do it or let the system take her in.
I have a home right next door to me and they hardley get any visitors, it is sad, but human nature is to seperate yourself from the weak in order to survive. It is going to be up to you my dear. You are a saint, but that being said, you have a life to live as well, so do what you can and badger them for the only thing that people seem to care about anymore...money.
Yoda out
2007-12-26 08:30:58 · answer #1 · answered by Yoda 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That poor girl. Maybe it's not your job to look after her, when she is visiting, but nobody else is willing to do it. Have a little compassion. I imagine it's hard for her dad to take her to the bathroom, and it might be awkward for her too. Usually people with Down's syndrome are aware of what's going on, even if it's not on the same level as the rest of us. If it means the difference between her seeing her family on holidays or having to stay at the group home, keep taking care of her. I'm sorry that your husband and father-in-law don't take more responsibility with their sister/daughter, but it's not her fault.
2007-12-26 17:07:36 · answer #2 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I could under stand the husband and brother being uncomfortable with help her in the bathroom and bathing her. If the daughter in law is willing to help there that is one thing but everyone should be helping out. If the daughter in law is uncomfortable or unwilling then daddy should be hiring a nurse for the times she is at home and not expecting someone else to do everything.
2007-12-27 05:56:49 · answer #3 · answered by kristus412 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a sad, sad story. Anyone who considers that girl to be a part of the family should take on a part of the responsibility. She did not choose to be born with Down Syndrome. Why would anyone have her suffer any more than she absolutely has to. You people, yourself included, need to overcome your superiorities to help those in need. Selfish acts are often accompanied by extreme consequences.
2007-12-26 16:40:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
the father should or your own husband if they aren't strong enough then suggest to the family to give her care up to a good nursing home to where she'll get the care she needs. they can visit, she get care, love, they can teach her a few new things. you can be in control of it by asking to be her guardian. that way your still in control but the man care would be up to the nursing staff. make dam sure you investigate, check out every detail of good nursing homes. some seem good at first. when you have picked out like 3 that are the best your mother in law would have picked out then have the family look at them. if they don't then tell them to hire a full time nanny your job is done you need to take care of your family. if they get mad then tell them why didn't you do it.
2007-12-26 16:39:51 · answer #5 · answered by Valentine 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I feel sorry for the 25 year old for sure! Poor thing, having the only family she has freakin' argue over who will help her when she makes rare visits home.....the family should be ashamed of themselves!
2007-12-26 16:30:42 · answer #6 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
They are all equally responsible, even if they all cannot contribute the same amount of time and attention. In-laws do not have the primary responsibility.
The siblings should hold a family meeting to discuss, even if they need to do a conference call.
2007-12-26 16:38:21 · answer #7 · answered by X 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's every-body's job, but look at this way God will bless you for your good deeds. Call a family meeting and tell them about themselves.
2007-12-26 16:35:58 · answer #8 · answered by moonchild 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not the daughter in law, this is up to the family, hey take them to court, this is their problem, and they know it.
2007-12-26 16:29:54 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Definitely someone who is paid and wants to do it. They shouldn't be forced onto anyone!
2007-12-26 16:30:17 · answer #10 · answered by The Voice of Reason 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋