I am 30. He dumped me a year ago, I suffered a lot, I wanted him back, tried to fight against my feelings, but NOW, I realized that I am still and only full of rage. he and his family treated me like you treat garbage, they basically throw me out of the door.
I am not in touch with him any longer,we didnt even swapped Xmas wishes. I hate him for how he treated me. I don't know what to do. Every night I dream about how much I'd love to ruin his life and new relationship. I am full of hate and I want to fight that. What could I do? Please help. I feel I am getting crazy. I have no friends and no family to support me.
2007-12-26 08:21:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't answer a ton of these, but I hope this helps.
Some of your respondents have simply told you to move on, and fine, but they offer you no philosophy on how to to do that.
So, here goes:
There are no guarantees in life. None. And no, you don't want him back, what you want is the love you shared, and that is gone, and who he was and what he became and who you thought he was is now an illusion.....It is as in a death, because for sure, your relationship is dead, and you can never get that back with him.
So, how does one heal? You as yet still love the guy, or you wouldn't give a rip about him, or how you can ruin his life. You can revisit your hatred of what he did you you over and over and over, and all it does is chew you up inside, and make you bitter. And sweets, life is too short for that.
It's been a year, and the hatred is still there. Get some counseling.... it may take only a session or two to get your head back on straight.... Time hasn't worked, and there is no shame is going to an expert. If you get one you don't like, switch... and try a woman, rather than a male counselor first.
Hatred erodes the soul, hatred produces stress, and hatred will eat you alive, as is pretty evident in your posting. If you do nothing, acceptance will take you 7 years.... way too long.
After you get your head back on straight, and only after, are you in any shape to seek a new partner. And if you are like most of us, being partnered is the best way to spend your life.
I'll tell you my story if you write.... I'm for sure not going to write it here... I'd change places with your situation anytime. And I'll tell you as well how to "shop" for a new partner when you become ready..
2007-12-26 08:41:22 · answer #1 · answered by ladyren 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Buy a dog. Seriously, if you have no friends and no family maybe you need a companion that will be forever faithful and unwavering in their love for you. Go to the SPCA and find a friend. Wash away your hate, what good does it do for you to hate him so much? Did you know that stress is the leading cause of death and disease in this world. $300 billion a year compared to smoking $59 billion. Stress affects your skin first, sleep, wieght gain and general health. Why do you continue to let him control your life like this? You are letting him you know.
Get on with your life and quit obsessing. You made a mistake, learn from it and move on.
Yoda out
2007-12-26 16:27:38 · answer #2 · answered by Yoda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already learned that hate eats YOU up, not him. You need to let it go. If you can't do it alone, get a pastor, priest, rabbi or other counselor and go talk it out. Revenge will not make you feel better. It just won't. What you need to do is get some counseling and get the rage and hate out of your system so you can heal. You deserve better than a man who would dump you like that. You deserve a man who will love you and care for you. Get the hate and rage out and then you can begin your life anew and look for a kinder man. He's out there. Go looking. God Bless You.
2007-12-26 16:38:15 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are more disappointed in yourself for allowing them to treat you that way and then "throw you out the door." I would try not to direct my anger at them or what they did, and try to learn from any mistakes you may have made in this relationship and resolve not to repeat those same mistakes. Remember....we all do the best we can with what we know at the time we are dealing with something. If you did your best and they treated you like "garbage" then you have to learn to view it as their problem and thank God you are not like them. If you stay angry over things you can't control (their behaviors), you will have a lifetime of unhappiness. Is that what you want?
2007-12-26 16:30:02 · answer #4 · answered by KC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh come on!!! Stop beating yourself up. That's exactly what you're doing and it's eventually going to take a toll on you. Listen that man is sleeping every night and enjoying his life. You'd better get it together an move on. If you don't stop stressing over what didn't work out your future is going to disappear into your past. You won't get any friends to support you because you're harboring all of that negativity. You'd better enjoy your life while you have it an stop tripping over what you lost.
2007-12-26 16:34:29 · answer #5 · answered by Neva N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're still in love with him, rejection is hard to over come but be strong and you can do it.. Best wishes to you, and you might think about making it your New years resolution that you will not let this man control your feelings any longer.. Have a happy new year..
2007-12-26 16:35:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have zero support i suggest you seek professional help from a counselor/clergy.
At least start a journal or some way to vent so that you don't keep your feelings bottled up. You need to find an out, some way to release your anger.
I do not suggest "getting back" at him. Get him out of your life, stay strong, and keep him wondering. If you go crazy on his @ss he'll know he got to you.
Good luck.
2007-12-26 16:28:42 · answer #7 · answered by James S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need help and NOW....seriously if you are being completely honest you need to get help. These feelings are beyond physchotic and it's been a year, I'm afraid for you that you might just jump off the deep end and really hurt this person. Get help before you ruin the rest of your life.
2007-12-26 16:26:35 · answer #8 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say the best revenge is simply living well. You have to realize that all of this anger is not affecting him, it's only affecting you. If you continue to let him get to you, he wins. Be the bigger person and let it go. You'll be so glad you did and it will free you up to find all of the wonderful things life has in store for you.
2007-12-26 16:27:07 · answer #9 · answered by CateCarter27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they wouldn't have tossed you away if you actually had some friends. Sounds like you have anger management issues, which could be part of the reason why you have no friends. I suggest learning to let go of your past and instead focus on creating a better future.
2007-12-26 16:33:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋