Questions regarding a divorce decree?

Question

My ex and I have a divorce decree. I picked up my son for Christmas break. She tried to tell me that she has the right to know where I am taking my son for Christmas and that me traveling with my girlfriend violates the morale clause in our divorce decree. i could not find anywhere that stated I had to tell her where I take him when he is in my posession. Does anyone have experience in this area? She is also giving me a hard time about letting my girlfriend take my son to his doctors appointment while I am at work.

I disagree with the comment from TAZ. This is the same woman who denied me visitation to my son last christmas. She was taken to court and found in contempt. If I am unable to take my son to the doctor while he is in my care then there is no issue having my girlfriend take him. She is 5 minutes from the doctors office and I am 1 1/2 hours. Its not a matter of growing up. its a matter of dealing with a woman who thinks she has complete control of our son. As far as taking trips, she doesn't tell me where I am going. I don't feel obligated to tell her anything especially when she threatens its againsts the morale clause and then threatens to take me back to court. TAZ where did you get your degree from?

I disagree with the comment from TAZ. This is the same woman who denied me visitation to my son last christmas. She was taken to court and found in contempt. If I am unable to take my son to the doctor while he is in my care then there is no issue having my girlfriend take him. She is 5 minutes from the doctors office and I am 1 1/2 hours. Its not a matter of growing up. its a matter of dealing with a woman who thinks she has complete control of our son. As far as taking trips, she doesn't tell me where she is going. I don't feel obligated to tell her anything especially when she threatens its against the morale clause and then threatens to take me back to court. TAZ where did you get your degree from?

Answer 1

Generally most decrees won’t have a clause or entry stating you have to tell the custodial parent where you’re going unless it’s out of town. Being in town and within your normal realm of travel does not merit even a courtesy call from my perspective. Certainly your ex don’t call you every time she runs across town for groceries or what ever and it would be silly to think you have to do the same.

As far as your GF taking you son to the Dr. no big deal and you ex throwing a fit about it only shows how controlling she is. Some people (men and women) just think because they have this piece of paper (the decree) they have some hold of people. I just don’t get it.

I can definitely relate to your troubles here, as I am sure many of us can. I would stick to your guns and if she has a problem with it then SHE can take you to court over it. The only people that can enforce the decree and visitation rights is the court and if she wants to go and spend the money and the courts time over trivial things such as this then she will just look selfish in front of the judge.

Answer 2

You will have to double check...what she is saying is ...The custody is with you...not the girlfriend. The whole point of the courts making sure YOU and the EXWIFE are spending time with the kid. She doesn't want another person taking care of the boy when the papers say YOU are the one that has to do it.
Yes, you have to say where you are goin g with the kid. You don't need a play by play but you can't just take off with the kid either. If you do not tell her where you are traveling with the child and she can not contact you. She can try to bring you up on kidnapping.

If you would like more room to breath, you should go back to the courts and get very detailed in the custody papers of what you are allowed to do even state you would like a third person mediator such as a friend or grandparent to help you watch the child while your at wwork.

Answer 3

I think that as a mother she has every right to know where her kids are. I'm not saying give her the complete itinerary, but basic details about where and when. It's common courtesy and you should let her know regardless of what it says in the decree. Traveling with your girlfriend should not be an issue because that's a moral judgment and as long as there is no evidence that the kids are being harmed the court isn't going to make a declaration one way or the other.

As far as your girlfriend taking your son to the doctor, I'd hesitate on that if she doesn't have the authority to sign as a legal guardian. But if that's not a concern for you, suggest to your ex that the alternative is for her to take her kid to the doctor. My boyfriend knew he was going to be working late one night and told he ex-wife that I'd be there when she dropped the kids off. She threw a fit until he told her the alternative was for her to stay home and watch them until he got off work. She dropped them off with me because keeping them longer would interfere with her life.

Answer 4

Whenever an ex-spouse brings up a question about your divorce decree, and in particular, says that something you may or may not be doing violates it, call your lawyer and discuss it with him or her. Yep, they might charge you a little, but the thing is, this is one area you cannot trust either her or you to properly address. It isn't your field.

If the language in the decree sounds vague or she brings up something you don't find, your lawyer will know about case law (what's happened to others before and has been ruled on by a judge) which may very well apply to you.

Don't fly blind on this issue. You may in fact be doing something that you could be found wrong to do. Get the right answer.

I know, after a divorce, nobody ever wants to talk to their lawyers again. But when the ex brings a legal matter up, it's time.

Good luck (been there) !

Answer 5

If she has residential custody of your son she does indeed have the right to know where her son is going to be. It doesn't HAVE to be stated in the divorce papers because SHE is the residiential custodial parent and the boy is HER responsilbity. You have only holiday visitation. She also has the right to expect YOU to take YOUR son to the doctor and NOT your girlfriend. Your girlfriend has nothing to do with your son's appointments as she has no responsbility towards your son. She is NOT related to your son not even by marriage. IF you can not be the one spending time with your son then YOU need to go to court to amend the visitiation schedule to where YOU are spending time with YOUR son...the visitation schedule is NOT set up so your GIRLFRIEND can spend time with your son.

Answer 6

Mine doesn't have anything in it stating that we have to tell each other where we are going. But just to be nice, we do tell each other if we are going out of town. That is the right thing to do. What happens if you were in an accident and your ex needed to know where you were, how would she know...
It is the right thing to do no matter what your feelings are towards each other. You are still your child parents together like it or not.

As for taking your son to the Dr. that is your responsibility not your girlfriends.. My current wife doesn't even take my daughter to the Dr. since it is my obligation. and If my ex had someone else take her I would be upset since if she wasn't able to take her then she should call me since I am the other parent responsible for our child...

So. You should tell her if you are going out of town, don't need to tell her where you are staying but should tell her where you are going....

Also, your girlfriend doesn't have a right to take your child to the doctor since the doctor can't tell her anything... even with your permission it is the law, HEPA GUIDELINES....

Grow up and deal with the fact that you have another adult who is the childs parent that have more rights then your girlfriend...

Answer 7

You should have an access schedule in your divorce on papers. It might be a separate document within the judgment, but it should be in there. If not, call your attorney's office and have them get you a copy. You sound like you might need to speak to your attorney about these issues, though, on top of getting another copy of your access schedule. If circumstances change or you are unhappy with the current custodial arrangements, then you may need to modify your agreement. Again, call your attorney for that.

Answer 8

She may be correct... depending on what state you live in.

Your best bet is to ask your attorney all these important questions.

Ignorance is not a defense strategy!

Good luck.

Answer 9

Dennis..she's just being jealous and controlling, she wants to make you miserable for some reason...just do your thing and try your best to keep life amicable for your sons sake. Best of luck...

Answer 10

www.lawsolver.com/r/familylaw3396