I am in a truly bad situation and have no idea what to do. I am married for 10 months now, but this is so hard. I left my ex-boyfriend of 4 years before I got married, only bcs. he stalled about marrying me and I thought he would never do it, telling me to wait etc. I knew he wasnt with another girl, he said he wanted to wait. So, I dumped him, met a friend from my past and we were married about 6 months later. I thought I would be able to forget my ex and be happy, but neither has ocurred. I know I still love my ex and he still loves me and he really is the love of my life.
If I knew that I could divorce my husband and go back to my ex w/o any problems, then I would. However, I know that maybe we would feel different, maybe he wouldnt want, I wouldnt, etc. My situation is "stable," but I am not 100% happy and miss my ex too much.
I just dont know if I can risk a divorce bcs if it doesnt work out with my ex, then I will be all alone and that would be worse. What would you do?
2007-12-26 07:21:31 · 15 answers · asked by roxana.lopez30 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How many times do you plan to ask this?
2007-12-26 07:26:42 · answer #1 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all begins with your own father. Stay with me here... Women are always drawn to a man who replicates their own father. A loving father will let you seek out a loving man in your life. Think about your own father and see which of these 2 men fit that category. Now, are both of these guys truly good (no bad boys, etc)? Next, realize that there are millions of wonderful men out there. The 1st guy let you down but you are hooked on him. Everyone's been there. However, we want what we can't have, human nature. I would suggest that you may consider divorce if you aren't 100% into the 2nd. You will always be yearning for the other man. This takes away from the love of the 2nd and doesn't fulfill each of you. If you were single, you could re-evaluate both men. Even date the 1st again to see if it's a pipe dream or if he's changed. You don't have to rush into marriage. You've got plenty of time for that.
2007-12-26 15:30:24 · answer #2 · answered by World Peace 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he waited four years and still didn't marry you, and it's not like he showed up at your wedding and spoke for you, so how could you be sure that he would marry you now that you are already married? I guess, it is what it is. And your husband married you, so he probably loves you more. I realize that you miss your ex... it's a horrible spot you're in now. But you need to accept that it is your ex's loss and that you should just try to forget him and live your life with the fab memories that he did give you.
2007-12-26 15:33:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made your choice and now you need to honor the commitment you made with your husband. You just wrote that you know your ex still loves you. Yet, you can't be sure of him--that he'll marry you, if you divorce your husband. Does that make sense to you? He wasn't going to marry you then, and he won't marry you if you get a divorce. You can put all your money on the table and you'll win, because your ex is a loser! Be wise and love the man you're with.
2007-12-26 15:31:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with yourself. Rather you're in love with your ex or not, you should never string along another person for your own personal selfish reasons. Being alone is a good thing. Spend time with yourself to figure out what you really want and what makes you happy. And....besides, happiness comes from within. If you're not happy with your ex for whatever reason and now your new hubby for whatever reason...consider looking at yourself first before making anymore decisions and affecting others in the process.
2007-12-26 15:36:39 · answer #5 · answered by QuEEn B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, you sound a little selfish. Now, you've complicated two other lives in addition to your own. One is an innocent (your husband). Leave him alone and go back to your ex. If it doesn't work out - -It's your pill swallow it. I'm sorry to be so blunt but you sound like you made a rash decision based solely on what YOU wanted. I hope things work out for you. Stop playing with other people's lives. That won't fix you.
2007-12-26 15:34:19 · answer #6 · answered by Neva N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop making bad decisions. You made a mistake so to fix it you are willing to get a divorce based on a hunch? Are you nuts?
A mistake is painful, but as long as you learned something from it, it was worth it. Learn is the key word here. What did you learn from your mistake?
You got what you wanted, or so you thought. You wanted to be married, not matter what. You got tired of waiting for your BF (who is obviously more mature than you) so you dumped him. You went out and found someone to marry you, so you got what you wanted, right?
Now you want to dump this guy who gave you what you wanted??? to go back to the guy who still has not offered to marry you. You need to seriously reflect on just what the hell you want. And be sure before you screw up someone elses life. You will one day regret playing with peoples lives (I hope).
Time to grow up...Knowledge comes from learning and making mistakes, Wisdom comes from knowledge and discernment comes from wisdom.
Yoda out
2007-12-26 15:29:32 · answer #7 · answered by Yoda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop being wishy washy. Leave your husband-- he deserves better. You don't marry someone with the hopes that will make you forget about an ex. That was STUPID! You need serious therapy to learn what it means to be self-sufficient and not dependant upon a man to make you happy. You worried about being alone shows your immaturity, and you need to fix yourself before you make ANY decision.
2007-12-26 15:28:45 · answer #8 · answered by SWEETYPI 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first person to respond. What you are doing is completely selfish, 100% immature and more than disrespectful. I see you getting nowhere in life without another person to help you along. Grow up, grow a spine, and let those men be happy by growing away from their lives.
2007-12-26 15:49:34 · answer #9 · answered by marie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get to a therapist ASAP. Do not leave your husband. If your relationship with your husband is stable and he loves you,then you must work things out with hubby. You have not given yourself enough time to forget your ex nor enough time to enjoy your husband, your still newlyweds. Do you love your hubby at all? if yes, stay put and make things work.
2007-12-26 15:31:41 · answer #10 · answered by rupright01@snet.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey being alone is not worse than being unhappy. If I were not truly happy I would have to get a divorce. Life is too short to be unhappy and miserable. If you want out then you need to get out.
2007-12-26 15:26:56 · answer #11 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋