Have you been through something similar? If so advise please...?

Question

My brother and I have been very close all of our lives. He’s a laid back guy with a good sense of humor that prided himself on his work ethic (foreman of a crew building pools).
About a year ago he was in a tragic car accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down L His physical recovery has come full circle, but I worry about his emotional recovery. He doesn’t do much… mostly vids and movies, he doesn’t work or anything. He survives off Workman’s comp (since he was driving for work when the accident happen). He has gone back to school for his GED, and plans on going to collage, sometime between his vids and watching movies!?!

I love him so much and it saddens me to know that he really doesn’t feel he has a reason to get up in the morning L

I’m not looking for pity, just like scenarios and advise please.

thx to all

versantl, hun I'm not even going to answer your "he can do anything"... I have been encouraging him since his accident, so dont preach to me babe as I am the onlt reason he has his GED right now.

Rainbow... not walking, just recovered from the plethra of injuries.

Like I said, I am very close to him and so is my hubby. we hang with him with him often and I always push him to do more. like buying our friends turn tables, or getting a gym membership... nothing. I have frank conversations with him about everything, its not like I havent tried... I wouldnt be asking this on Yahoo if I hadnt.

Searching... when did I pity him? I just want him to be happy and I was wondering if anyone here had a like story.

that’s what I get for asking a personal question on the net... judgment cast!

(((((hugs back hun))))))

Answer 1

You say his “physical recovery has come full circle”. Does that mean he can walk again? Whether it does or not, I think he is defining himself as a man by what he can do physically, which is limited at best.

Please encourage him to take it one step at a time, i.e., get his GED, then see where he can go from there. Frequently Worker’s Comp. will pay for schooling, calling it “vocational therapy”.

To me the best reason to go to school is it’ll take his mind off of the things that are depressing him. Ask him to loan you his videos; maybe that will make him seek alternative forms of entertainment?

You’re a creative person, is he creative also? Encourage him to write, draw, or whatever makes him happy.

Good luck!

EDIT: I'm glad he's past the first phase of recovery -- physically recovering from the injuries. The next phase is for him to recover emotionally. Is there any type of self-help group where he lives? I've always found that being around positive people helps me get past something that is that emotionally devastating.

(((HUGS)))

Answer 2

I have the same problem whenever I am at my parent's house. I hate it. I have found that the best thing to do is to distract myself and get away from food after I have had a normal amount. For some reason if I do not get away fom the kitchen I find myself going back for seconds and thirds, then I figure well I've stuffed myself so much that I HAVE to purge now so may as well have some bad things too like ice cream and chocolate, but this is a very BAD thing. I was seeing a therapist, nutritionist, and physician for my disordered eating and that helped a lot. I thought I was better, but the past month has been a mess, so I guess I still need help. You should probably get help too.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear your bro is in that situation. It hurts long after it happens and it hurts to see it happen. I have been through some what similar. My cousin was born with CP (no muscle control). Sometimes I think it's easier to have never had the ability to walk, talk, eat, and breath than had some horrible accident and not have that anymore. With her and everyone else I know I lead by example. Take him to the movies. Take him to the arcade (keep him away from the games the require a lot of leg movement, that it really depressing even to see), maybe go see a comedian. Turn tables is a good one but that's still an activity he would do at home. The gym would probably (just a guess) remind him he can't work out his legs. Sitting at home will lead to more sitting at home and that leads to depression.

Once again, sorry to hear that. Hope things get better.

Answer 4

I was laid up for a year after a motorcycle accident, and it was hard to get enthusiastic about anything when you can't walk, (not paralyzed). They put me in a voc rehab center as soon as I could walk. this place i went lets you try a bunch of different "job's" to see what interests you. You might have something in your area, this is not physical therapy but it lets you see what you can and want to do in the near future, as a job or just a skill you can use for yourself, It was a Skills Center and it was run by the local community college. I met others with differing handicaps and you can socialize in and environment where you don't stand out as much. You may try to find one, It got me out off the house and i got paid 26 cents an hour for some of the jobs, It's like working again.

Answer 5

Its not something to be sad about, your brother had a tragic accident and he is coping with it, and trying to accept the fact that it happened. He is not gona be glad about it but he has to accept it and it doesnt help to see that you see him as pitiful. It will take some time to recover. Going back to school is a start, if he was emotionally wrecked he wouldnt even get up out of bed. Having a plan to go to college and study is a good sign that he is on his path to recovery, it will be long but he will come to accept it. What he needs now is support from his family and friends. Hope your brother gets well soon

Answer 6

I've been in that emotional state where all I did was play video games to escape reality and for a time it was great. Then I realized the video games were becoming my reality and that I couldn't play them for the rest of my life, I needed to work and make money and do something with myself. It took me over two years to realize this. I've also struggled with social anxiety disorder and depression most of my life so getting back into a job and planning school has been hard but I'm hoping it all works out for the best. Your brother maybe needs a little bit of help to realize what I have, but don't force him. I was kinda forced and it just made me mad. So maybe patience is the best advice I can give.

Answer 7

I didn't take the time to read through the long list of responses ahead fo mine, but I am sure they all have some good advice to offer.

I can identify SO STRONGLY with your situation and your feelings about it all. As you know, I feel the same about my boyfriend. The only difference is that your brother's problems were brought about by injuries and my boyfreind's problems were brought about by the long-term side-effects of medicines he was wrongly prescribed - for a heart attack that we now know never really happened - and LEFT on them for 9 years, against his protests, by uncaring and apathetic doctors. When I first met him about 5 years ago, he was only slightly impaired but still active, but now he is so much worse that it saddens me to see him vegetating in front of the TV all the time, just as you feel about your brother.
As you have already seen in my earlier posts, he is trying to fight back, and gaining a little ground in doing so, but I worry all the time whether or not whatever help we can fight for and win for him will be too little, too late.
a major difference seems to be that my boyfriend has turned his anger and frustrations outward, to fight back against the medical establishment that has done this to him, but your brother seems to have turned all his inward.
I don't know if an earlier response may have mentioned this or not, as I didn't read through them, but it looks as if your brother is suffering from some variation of "Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome". This does not JUST affect combat veterans, but can affect ANYONE who has been through ANY kind of a trauma.

Go to this website and download their free tutorial and see if you and/or your brother can use it to help him in any way;
emofree.com

I have been reading a lot about it and looking the material over and I think it has a lot of potential. I am going to make studying it and trying to work with it a priority in the new year.

Good luck to you and your brother.
I wish you both the best.
Whatever happens, know that you aren't alone. There are all too many of us out here that know exactly what you are going through.

Answer 8

not been thro' but do rehab..
he must accept this and get real, unhealthy to be watching t.v and such, depressive, get your bro. out of that environment and see the thing he can do and also the outside world where, sorry there are a lot worse... try and give him interest in things he can do he would love that if you try hard.
Other thing that does puzzle me, has he had an assessment of Doc for simple/minor depression?
And at the end of the day if its not the old depression he should get up for you Hun.
x

Answer 9

first of all thank god for his peace and full recovery
and plz look for the bright side of issue
yr brother is getting better he still alive and thank god he still with you

oh man as it was very sad at the beginning i think it is now becoming better
frankly yr brother suffering from post traumatic stress
this could be solved by yr psychiatrist in which he me use both psychological and pharmacological therapy plus yr social support

really i hope allah (god) will help you man

Answer 10

i have a friend who had a tumor and it's been gone for a few years now, but spends all of his time complaining and focusing on pain that for the most part isn't very bad. he actually put a list of all of his aches and pains in a christmas card and sent it to us.
you just need to motivate him- to make him realize that his life is waisting away and that he has talents.

i hope this advise helped.