Am I being selfish?

Question

I am married, 23 weeks pregnant and have a 22 month old step-son. Before I got married I was active in emergency medicine and volinteered on the local fire department. When I got married I quit all of that stuff to stay home and be a wife and mother but now 8 months later I miss working in emergency medicine so bad I can hardly stand it. I dream about it almost every night. I told my husband how I feel and he said that if I miss it that bad I need to be involved in it but I know he doesn't really want me to. I also feel really guilty about wanting to leave my family. I think the womans place is at home taking care of the house and the kids but I have always been really independant and that is harder to let go of than I realized. Am I being selfish by wanting to join the fire department again? This would require me having to leave my family at home during all hours of the day and night.

Well if I join the fire department again ( only after the baby is born it is to dangerous while you are pregnant.) I will be at home then I can chose to go or not to go on any call the department recieves. I would mostly be going when my hubby is home to watch the kids for a few minutes.

Answer 1

You feel useful at work where as home you feel useless....and that my dear is a false reason to go to work......You miss the fast paced life of Drama......

Your not being selfish but I believe that your not ready to return to work.....

Answer 2

I don't think there's anything wrong with working mothers, but I have to ask why you are "dreaming" about work instead of dreaming about having this wonderful baby. Are you sure you're not just afraid of being a mother and wanting to find some form of escape?

You seem more interested in the work than in being a mom. I don't think it's reasonable to take any work that would "require [you] to leave [your] family at home during all hours of the day and night". You made the decision to marry and have a child, and if you want to be a great mom then you need to understand that a great mom provides a secure, mature, healthy marriage, home and a STABLE environment for their child. If you want to go back to work, think about doing it later, when the child is in school.

Answer 3

Yes it is being selfish to leave your little ones at home so much especially at night. I wish you would have been more firm in your decision making before you started having kids. Now, all you can do is force your husband to except that you're gonna do what you wanna do. Good luck with that. Go back to work let the chips fall where they may. Maybe he'll adjust. He's gonna complain though and maybe have an affair cause you re"not there for him and the kids". Do both if you can. It can't be just your way.

Answer 4

When you got pregnant, you basically gave up your RIGHT to be independent. You have another life you are going to be responsible for. Your baby, along with your step son, will need YOU, not some other person, a baby sitter, or day care person to take care of them.
I am just a firm believer that we, as mothers, owe it to our children to be the ones to take care of them. If you wanted to work, you shouldn't have decided to have a baby.
Once your children are old enough to go to school, work during the day while they are at school, and then be there for them to pick them up when they get out. This way, you will not be so "stir crazy." Think of this way, being at home and not working will only be temporary. In 5 years, you'll be able to work and satisfy yourself, but you will then have the peace of knowing that you gave the best to your child by staying home with him or her. Your baby needs his or her mommy. You and your child will thank you in the end

Answer 5

I wouldn't say the word selfish. I think you should think about the hours. You're a mother and when the baby comes it's going to need you more than ever. I think you should wait until your child is of a certain age or you should work part-time. It's not all about you once you get married and have children. Good luck and everything will work out. It's going to take time.

Answer 6

You're not being selfish at all.

After all, you're considering your husband and family, and trying to balance it all out with something you want to do that would fulfill you. That's not selfishness, that's maturity.

Obviously, you should try to explore some kind of compromise, which would involve your husband perhaps trying to make a change in his schedule or job to allow the flexibility for him to take care of your child - and the new one - when you care called away.

This isn't going to be easy, but it sounds as though you have good values, your husband respects these values,. and that you each want to do whatever you can to help the other.

But your question was, "Am I being selfish" and the answer is No!

Good luck!

Answer 7

Is there any way you can be involved on a lesser basis? I mean do you have to commit to being on call or could you perform some duties without having to be gone all of the time?

Your husband realizes that for you to be happy and have confidence in yourself that you need this, I am sure though that he would like it if you could do it just a little. I commend you for your beliefs in the family hierarchy and I agree with you. However, it is vital that you feel complete and so if this will help you achieve this fulfillness then go for it. But do it without guilt. You have no reason to feel guilty or selfish.

We all need to feel complete in order to be happy healthy people. This is important for your child as well.

Go, but keep it in check if you can.

Yoda out

Answer 8

You are not being selfish at all. This is a new century; we are not living in the 50s anymore.

I totally support my wife in having activities outside the home. I encourage her to go out, have a job, spend time with her friends (away from the kids). Life these days is too hectic to be confined to the home. Yes, the kids do need you but you need your sanity as well.

(I have to laugh at who ever is giving those who support you a thumbs down. That person probably is insecure and beats his wife)

Answer 9

Yes. I think wanting to work is fine, however being pregnant and soon going to have a very small child at home, I think it is selfish of you to go back any time soon (not to mention unsafe to your unborn child). I think this may be something you should talk about when both children are older though. Maybe you could find a job that is less risky in a similar field.

Answer 10

I don't feel that a woman place is in the home all the time. You have to also do what makes you happy in life. Stay home for about the first year and then go back to work and see how that works out for you and your family Good Luck to all of you.

Answer 11

You are not being selfish for wanting to do something that you love. You do not have to be at home taking care of them every waking moment. You are still going to be a wife and a mother. It is important to stay independent and to have interests of your own. Everything should not revolve around your family.