supporting his 2 brothers and mom.. i dont wanna be mean or anything but he spends more money on them than me!!
he has 4 brothers, one is a doctor who makes good money but does NOT support anyone but his wife and kids!!
the brothers my husband supports refuse to work!!
i've talked to my hubby about it before but he just says.. they're family i have to support them! but i'm his wife and the mother of his unborn child! he should put us before anyone else!
how do i get him to change???
he's a stock broker and makes a decent amount of money but we can barely ever save anything!
before we were married we decided to live w/his mom for one year (so we could save enough money for a home, furniture, new car, etc.)
his brother surprisingly got married a month after us to a girl he knew for 3 weeks so now they live with us and they're both crazy and sooo annoying and disrespectful!
help!!!
2007-12-26 06:03:57 · 16 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i go to college and my husband works during the day, his brother and his brother's wife refuse to work or do anything around the house!!!
they always take our car out, never pay for anything, are always loud, and do not respect my privacy!!!
2007-12-26 06:06:17 · update #1
sounds like they are co-dependant....he needs to let them go and take care of his household.....that means you and your children....
2007-12-26 06:09:58 · answer #1 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Family is family, and I admire your husband's dedication to his brothers and mom. BUT he needs to understand that when he married you and made a baby with you, YOU and THE BABY also became family, and his first obligation is to the both of you. If his bro & sis-in-law are bothering you and causing you stress, that's not healthy for your marriage, you, or the baby. If you (as a married couple) can't save any money for your own future, and the future of your child, that's not right.
I really recommend seeing a counselor, even if you have to go alone. A good one will be able to help you deal with the situation and assess it clearly. It might also make a statement to your husband that you are really serious about how much he is hurting you (and his child).
I wouldn't recommend doing a "them or me" thing, though. He's your husband, and he sounds like he's doing what he thinks is right, but he's got his priorities a little mixed up. Good luck!
2007-12-26 14:21:48 · answer #2 · answered by Torchbug 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are living with his mother, MOVE OUT. It made great sense to live there and save money, but that is not working out, and his family is mooching. I have a hard time saying no to my dysfunctional family too, but you have to in order to provide for your own family. Explain that to your husband and let him know that it will be easier to say no if you are not right there under them and if you move far enough away maybe they won't even ask anymore. But this is serious and could affect the future of you own small family, so let your husband know that and hope that he makes the right decision, if not maybe you try leaving for awhile and when he starts to miss you, he will get his priorities straight. Good Luck honey and don't be a push over. Get rid of the moochers!
2007-12-26 14:17:19 · answer #3 · answered by begood1977 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like too much drama for me.
I don't know why you would have the brother and his new wife move in with you if you two had just gotten married. This is no way to run a marriage or raise a child.
Perhaps you need to set your foot down more, or perhaps start your own savings account .
2007-12-26 14:07:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel, not what to do. Keep focused in the conversation on your feelings. Stay away from criticizing his kin or him. And then listen to what he says carefully. Ask him how he feels. And then, without criticism, ask what he thinks you should do about your feelings, not the situation. You might be surprised. Follow up later with more of the same. Eventually you both can plan a way "out". You might also ask that he give you money for savings, IRA's etc first.... but not exclusively.
2007-12-26 14:07:09 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit your husband down and tell him that if the couple living with you do not shape up you will kick them out. Tell him that he is destroying your marriage by not making his family a priority. He needs to put his wife and unborn child before the rest of the family, since they are his life.
Take care,
Troy
2007-12-26 14:15:08 · answer #6 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I guessed it right based on your other question...but I'm sorry I did. That is so sad that your husband can't realize what he is doing to his family (family meaning you and his child). Once you are married, then you have an obligation to your spouse and children! Not your brothers and sisters...I don't know what you can do to make him change....have you tried a real heart-to-heart? Maybe he needs to know exactly how much this is hurting you...Good luck!
2007-12-26 14:21:25 · answer #7 · answered by *Almost ready* 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in the middle of a big family MESS. You can't make your husband change, and you can't order your brother-in-law and his wife out of the house, can you? Your husband should see it more from your side, but it sounds like he just doesn't get it. He should stop supporting them and tell them to find a place of their own. I wish he could see they are just free-loading off of him.
2007-12-26 14:09:51 · answer #8 · answered by makeloans2 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your husband has a choice to make. You or the family. I mean he does not have to cut ties, but when he married you, it was to you and not the rest of his family tagging along. In order to have a marriage work, it helps if it is just the two of you and not the outside influnce of people causing undo stress in your home.
2007-12-26 14:12:44 · answer #9 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay first of all i think you need to give him an ultimatum..
tell him that you feel that he doesnt care enough about you to stop...
and if he doesnt want to stop completly than tell him to at least cut back some.. he needs to understand that maybe if he stopped supporting his family they just might have to fend for themselves and get a job for once..
thats the only way, he sounds like he is being stubborn..
tell him like it is.. put your foot down.. maybe go to a parents house for a few days so that he can see how life might be without you..
hope this helped..
2007-12-26 14:10:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok STOP it now. If he really loves you he will choose. Leave him, dont threaten u have to do it. My sister was in sorta the same thing she kept threatening to leave but didnt and he knew it thats why he didnt stop what he was doing. You have to be consistant. Its not fair to you or ur unborn child. And tell his siblings to get a life, grow up and get out.
2007-12-26 14:12:44 · answer #11 · answered by twotfruity17 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋