for about a month now, we have been seeing each other some and talking more... now he says he just needs time to trust me again, but he is still very secretive about his life. How much time is too much time? I just don't want to waste time playing games.
2007-12-26 06:00:46 · 9 answers · asked by lindsey t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You don't say why you left him, but I can understand why he would be hesitant to let you back into his life. Leaving/divorce should be a last resort.
Only you can say how long you are willing to try to work on this. If you truly want to work things out, I'd suggest a counselor so you can sit down with a neutral party and get these issues out in the open.
2007-12-26 06:10:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing quite like considering him "secretive" after you exercised the exit startegy and moved out.
Separation is the step immediately preceeding divorce.
I do not blame him at all for being non commital with you.
He did commit once and it appears perhaps more strongly than you.
You left him high and dry as well as ALONE.
It will be a very long time before that door opens again.
As always it all comes down to you. How much is too much time? How bad do you want to be married again?
You have shown him that perhaps he does not want to be married anymore, at least to you that is.
2007-12-26 14:15:46 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a reason for him being secretive and you can bet it's got nothing to do with you and him trying to patch things up. He has no interest in trusting you again. If he did he'd have nothing to hide from you. You are already playing his game with his rules. Time to move on and start fresh.
2007-12-26 14:10:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are not like women. They take far more time than we do to move past something. But once they are past it they never look back on while women move forward quickly and tend to dwell on what hurt them in the past. He is secretive....ask him to open up and allow you to be part of his life. Explain to him that you are worried that he doesn't want you in his life. Don't attack use generic like " when the people around me don't include me in thier lives it makes me feel like they don't want me around" That way he doesn't feel like you are attacking him.. Or you could tell him you need help being more open with him .... men and women love to fix things! It doesn't matter if you spend the next 2 years just talking.....if you LOVE him it isn't a waste of time to let him move past whatever it is that is holding him back.
Good Luck,
Momma_Bear
2007-12-26 14:10:47 · answer #4 · answered by the_morris_bears 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, assuming you didn't leave him because he was cheating or doing something else dishonest, then you need to give him time. You broke his trust by breaking his heart, and he may be deciding if it's worth it to go through it again. Also, he might be seeing someone else and not ready to tell either one of you about the other - given that you left him and you seem to be dating only casually, he is entitled to his privacy. Think about why you left, and whether it's worth it to you to get involved again.
2007-12-26 14:06:58 · answer #5 · answered by oj 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Then don't play games and live your life as well. You left him so if you are wanting to go back on that now it is his choice whether or not to take you back. If you want him bad enough then you will stick through it and work it out. If you are already tired of "playing games" then I have to wonder why you want to go back. I know it seems more comfortable and easy going back to him, but is that what you really want?
2007-12-26 14:05:15 · answer #6 · answered by No one 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's hiding things from you, that's not good. But if he's like me, I just don't have a whole lot to say about my day to day life. My wife can talk about anything and everything about her day. Me, not so much. You say he feels he needs time to trust you again. But if you don't trust him, it's never going to work.
2007-12-26 14:06:19 · answer #7 · answered by BG 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
silly woman, you started this whole mess, and you are the one who will have to be patient in cleaning it up, if it can be cleaned up. I wouldn't trust you any further than I could throw you for a number of YEARS if you did that to me.
2007-12-26 14:05:54 · answer #8 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ask him why he is so secretive. Maybe he is seeing someone else as well as seeing you. Maybe suggest a therapist and see if that helps
2007-12-26 14:05:12 · answer #9 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋