Why doesnt my boyfriend initiate sex anymore? Why dont I feel like he wants to be intimate with me?

Question

My Boyfriend and I have stopped having sex. We went from having sex 4 times a week to about once a Month. My confidence has gone way down because for the last 6 months our of our year and a half relationship it has been this way. Our relationship used ot be so exciting and spuratic and now I feel like hes bored (even though he swears hes not). He never initiates sex and I find im not as relaxed because I feel like Im forcing him into it or something. He says its not because he isnt attracted to me but if thats the case why dont I feel like he wants to be intimate with me? How can I get my confidence and my sex life back before our relationship goes down the drain....????? HELP!!!!!

Answer 1

I understand what you are going through. I went from several times a week, to maybe once a month if I'm lucky. As your relationship ages and changes, so do sex drives. I'm guessing that he's just so comfortable with things in your lives right now, that sex is not as important. If he swears he's not bored, and that he finds you attractive--you're going to have to believe him. It will put a strain on your relationship if you keep asking him those questions (been there, done that). I've found now, that if I act nonchalant about the whole thing, and do my own thing (go to sleep before him, etc)...it sorta initiates things by themselves. The attention is off of him, and so he comes to me now. Know what I mean?

Maybe there's stuff in his life right now that is just blocking his desire to have sex. Stress, busyness, etc can all be deterrents.

Just hang in there!!!

Answer 2

Well, the simplest answer is that your relationship isn't "new" anymore, and you've settled into a routine. So break up the routine. Plan a romantic evening, or even just an intimate evening of giving each other massages with good aromatherapy oils. It doesn't have to lead to sex necessarily, but will re-establish intimacy and bonding. Also, has his workload or stress level increased in the last 6 months? Fatigue and stress will also decrease the libido, as will certain medications. He's telling you it's not you, so please don't take it personally. That added stress for both of you is only going to make sex more difficult.

Answer 3

Here's some hand on advice to amp up the attraction. This is only a short-term solution, so you should really take a good look over your relationship and see where you need to and can do something exciting instead of the usual mundane process.

* Make him jealous! This is an awesome tip. Let him see you having fun with other people. Having fun with other guys. DO NOT OVERDO THIS. It needs to be friendly. If other people think you are sexy, he will think you're sexy.
*Get more advanced. Try to find new tricks and techniques to make the sex more fulfilling. Some areas you might want to explore is roleplay, s&m or sex toys. Spice it up!
*Make yourself scarce! If you're too much up in his space, he will never have time to miss you. Just give him some space. Let his mind wander off and let him miss you. He can't miss you if you're always around.
*Have your own life. Do cool and fun stuff for yourself, nothing is more sexy than a confident girl with a life and projects of her own.

Best of luck to you,
S

Answer 4

Thankfully I have never had a guy who didn't want to have sex with me but I have been with a few guys I didn't feel like it. Honestly there are only three things that would cause this. 1) he is getting it somewhere else. 2) he is lying about not being attracted to you anymore. 3) there is something else bothering him. Personally I would have to say it is 3 because from what you have said I don't see any other signs that he is cheating on you. Stress can make someone lose their stress drive. I suggest talking to him and not about the sex but to see what is bothering him. You can also tell him how you feel about the situtation. Don't let it turn into an arguing match. Just be sweet and honest. Good luck hun

Answer 5

When it gets like this, then there is a problem in the relationship - meaning you are not relating. To relate, takes two, as well as it take two to fight. It's not about sex, it's about something deeper. If it were me, I would sit down with him/her and have a heart-to-heart talk, to get these feelings out and try to uncover what are the root issues. If he is not willing to do that, then I think you won't be satisfied in this relationship over the long run, because you seem to be a person that needs more than perhaps he is able to give.

Answer 6

First off, your confidence should not be based on how someone does or doesn't react to you. Second, a relationship shouldn't be based on the quantity of sex. It should be based on trust, communication, and compatibility. Also, it is never as good as the first time. The initial zeal does wear off as the relationship goes from lust to something more meaningful; such as mentioned before.
However, it sounds like you and your mate may lack some compatibility. I would suggest that you and him talk about what each of you expect as far as sex in a relationship and go from there. Good Luck

Answer 7

Has he seen a doctor lately? there could be something wrong & it is making his sex drive go way down. See if he will go get a physical to make sure he is healthy first, then talk to the man & ask him if it is something that you did that has made he want sex less, or maybe something you didn't do. Or just maybe there is just not enough foreplay, & all it is is just sex. May be you need to spice things up, I mean things can get very boring if it is always the very same way each time.

Answer 8

Something is bothering him. It is quite common for men to cease initiating sex when they are embarrassed by their performance. Whatever it is, it might not be obvious to you, but it's bugging him. You might have to ask rather gently, most men are quite sensitive about that. It may be that HE needs his confidence built up a bit. Presumably he responds appropriately when you initiate sex.

You did not say anything about his age or the general state of his health. It may be worth sending him off to the doctor.

Answer 9

I'm guessing your boyfriend may be suffering from "seed among thorns" syndrome. It happens to lots of guys -- all the stress from everyday life gets in the way of intimacy in a good relationship. How do I know this? Simple: It has been happening to me. My wife sat me down and talked to me about it, and I suggest you sit down and talk to your boyfriend too. Just let him know how important your intimate life is to you and tell him it would really mean a lot to you if he would "come after you" more often.

Answer 10

Men go through phases of their sex life just like women with eating. Sometimes it is viewed as a conquest or accomplishment. Sometime it is to soothe nerves or relax. Sometime it is boredom or just passing time. Sometimes he's unbelievably not hungry. This might be exhaustion or eating fast food before coming home for supper.