is it selfish to end a 7yr relationship because i feel that i need more from life?

Question

My partner & i are both 25yo & we've really not had the chance to learn who we have become because we've been in a very commited relationship at the same time as we've been busy becoming adults. I'm starting to think we've grown in slightly different directions, but he's my best friend & i would hate to ruin that!

Answer 1

if you are married then yes it would be wrong to separate.....everyone grows in separate directions in every relationship it's part of the process.....but you should always keep the root system strong. The dream and the goal are one in the same......

Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are different...you may have come to the conclusion that your dreams are in a different direction and if you feel like he is holding you back instead of flourishing then you will have to decide if you want to move on without him.

But know this your dreams will always change you better make sure that this is really what you want.....You may end up regretting......more than you think......

If you Love him.....I mean really love him then stick with him.....a good man is hard to find.....

Answer 2

No. It's not selfish, it's honesty. Make things easy for him, specially if you love him. Leave and tell him in the direction you have been growing, and why you want what you want, and the decision you are going to take. Also, that you love him as a person, cut all ways to be in contact, let him get over that, see him at the end of the dark tunnel he will go through and meet him there as a friend, he will understand, and you will be happy with your life and have accomplished the things you want for your life.

Consider accomplishing the same things with him also, being married doesn't mean you can't, unless you want other things where you are required to be single, which I think is your case right?, little bit of partying, here and there, seeing that, or that other guy?. I think that's your case.

Still, for your own good and his own good, do the right thing, and leave if those are your wishes. It's a lot better to leave, than to be doing like other people do hiding things and being dishonest.

He will also be happy later, or at least, he doesn't deserve to be with someone who doesn't really want to be there with him. Your place is out there enjoying or pursuing things in life, his place is on search his happines again. You two got together way too early, when you guys were way too young and didn't even know what life was going to bring later.

Answer 3

It sounds to me as if you have already made your decision. Sometimes people just grow apart or grow into different people. You've been together since you were 18.

I think it's great that you are questioning this before you get into a situation where you are married. That's what dating is for, to see if you and your potential mate are compatible.

If this is truly because you feel you have become different people, then keep the friendship and allow the both of you to move on. If this is just because you want to "see what else is out there", then I say you are not ready for a long term relationship and are better to let him go now while you find out what you truly want..

Is it just curiosity? Do you see yourself with this person years down the road or are you just together because it was convenient? Only you can answer this, but you need to do what will make you happy.

Answer 4

Would you rather blame your partner for holding you back from who you want to be? Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. If you feel you need more from life now it will only get worse and you will hold it against him later. Take care of you. If you lose each other in the process it wasn't meant to be. Or maybe your getting a seven year itch. Things get comfortable and then it seems boring and what is really happening is that things have settled down and becoming everyday life. It happens. Sometimes you just need to get over the hump of life. Try changing up your routine. Do something different with each other. Something you wouldn't normally do. Or do something to make yourself feel better. Take some classes if you aren't in school. Or try a new hobby to fill your time. Sometimes its just boredom and doesn't have anything to do with your partner. You don't need to lose yourself to be with someone else. You can be both. Good Luck

Answer 5

If things between the two of you are fine, why do you believe you have to end it with him to find our more of who you are? Go back to school, or whatever it takes to make you feel fulfilled. If, however, you no longer have warm fuzzies for each other, and your relationship contains little of makes relationships work (Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust---the Four Biggies) then, I guess you agree to split up. That might be very sad, because though there are just tons of men and women out there who would love to be in a loving relationship, maybe you wouldn't qualify, since you maybe can't love right now.

There is nothing the matter with being partnered to "your best friend"....indeed above and beyond all else, your partner ought to indeed be your best friend---your VERY best friend, thru all of life's travails.

Try a session or two of counseling to get a pro's take on your thought(s). Might be the best $100 buckos you ever spent.

Good luck.

Answer 6

No, it would not be wrong to end a 7 year relationship because you want more out of life. As a matter of fact, it would be a good thing if you did take a break from each other. If if was meant for you to be together, you will end up together. Follow your heart (you don't want to have any regrets or start resenting him). He may be hurt and angry at first, but if you love him, you would not string him along if you want to stray. Being open and honest sounds like the best approach..

Answer 7

Yes it is. Not only selfish, but also very immature.

You have already made a committment "for life". Remember that in your vows?

Contrary to your wild, immature side telling you "you've not had the chance to learn who you have become..." yada yada... you need to realize that you will FIND who you are and who you are to become through your spouse... NOT your individual, independent self.

The two shall become ONE. You will find purpose, life, happiness, joy, strength and meaning through your spouse; period.

There are many out there who have not found that, and so they justify self, independent attitudes that keep them in survival mode, but they, and everyone of us, has a choice to make things good, better, and the best.

You may have grown in slightly different directions, but that's because you have allowed that. It's not "fate" or anything else but you and your spouse to blame. Don't scapegoat other things or people.

You need to "become" the person you are talking about: A mature, responsibility spouse that puts your spouse first in life, learning how to love and live, and become the only support and source for your spouse: and vice versa.

Answer 8

Take some time to yourself first, do some self evaluating and make sure this is something you truly want/need. If you feel you've grown apart, then you prob have or you two could just need some time apart for a little while. However NO I don't think it's selfish at all ... Good lUCK

Answer 9

Essentially you must do what is right for you, and if this guy isn't quite what you're looking for - it's OK to be honest about it. Better now then after you got married to him.

I did the same thing when I was almost 24, I had dated this guy for 2 years and he was 31 at the time. He wanted to marry me but I just didn't feel that way about him so I finally told him - he was unhappy about it, but more then anything he wanted for me to be happy.

Less then a year later I met my now husband and got married in 2005. A year later he got married. So everything works out. Best wishes!

Answer 10

Actually, in your situation it sounds wise. If you've been together since you were teens, you've both probably changed dramatically and may well not be a good fit as adults (as you were as kids).

Follow the path that's right for you. Young adults should get to know themselves as adults, and get to know what they want out of adult relationships, and experience various partners before deciding to marry or commit to someone long term. It gives them a better chance at relationship success. ☺