What was your parent's shortcomings concerning childraising and did you adopt the same technique?

Question

Let me restate: What did your parents lack...thus they couldn't teach you and you couldn't teach your children?
Please use impressions from early ages, if possible.

I've read thu IY?
You are champions!

Answer 1

...dragging me along to different parties, watching 'all' have a
good time, drinking, womanizing, and the fighting and arguing. A technique, I perfected for forty years+, till a year ago. I walked into AA & NA. ...sorry! my boy died a year ago, 'aint' look back since. enjoy.

Answer 2

I was an only child so I was thoroughly spoilt. They both worked, full time and I used to go to a neighbours house for tea and stayed until my Mum came home.
We always had holidays and I basically got whatever I wanted.
I think what was missing was the 'I love you's' and the cuddles. They thought they were being good Parents and I know they loved me but they just couldn't do the physical or the verbal side of things.
I did manage the cuddles with my three but it took a lot longer to tell them how much I loved them. About 25 years in fact.
Now, we say it all the time and it's great!

Answer 3

I didn't have Parents, there was no family unit. My Father was always deployed out of the Country. I didn't see him very many times, I was 5 the last time I saw him. I didn't find him again until I was in my 40's. My Mother left me with my Grandparents who were wonderful people and were lacking in nothing except money... times were hard. I went back and forth between family members for years... the world would do a 180 each and every time... It was difficult to say the least.
I did the best I could with my children, they had all the things I never had. Unfortunately I had to work very hard to make that happen, and looking back I should have forgone one of jobs to spend more time with them... I was a kid myself... I had nothing to draw from... all I knew is I wanted to keep us together as a family, no farming out my kids.... I guess I may as well have, as they feel I was never there the moments they say they needed me there, I was working. One of God's little Jokes... damned if you do, damned if you don't!

Answer 4

Time . My Mom was always so busy trying to keep an immaculate house that we never really spent alot of time doing other things BUT I never complain about the way I was raised because every and any one of the things that I did not like has made me the parent I am today. I've learned lessons from their mistakes and never take the fact that I have children for granted. They are a GREAT BLESSING !

Answer 5

My parents lacked the ability to solve their issues between themselves whether that be money, kids etc without arguing and yelling loudly all the time. While it was so embarrassing for me growing up, it was not until my own marriage that I began to realize I was repeating the same pattern. Why? Because I did not grow up with any kind of alternative example on how to settle differences.
It took me years and failed relationships and counseling to resolve that issue and learn to settle issues without loud yelling and arguments.
As a result my oldest daughter, age 30, also seems bent on being very vocal when a problem arises in her marraige, much to her more quiet mates distress.
I remain optimistic though that my youngest daughter, age 10, will be much more centered, calm and balanced as I myself mastered that talent before she was born- thank goodness!

Answer 6

My mother didn't give us a lot of encouragement. She had very low self-esteem and it rubbed off on us.
I learned what 'not to do' from her.

I don't have children, so I try to be a good example to any child I meet.
I like to encourage other children when I see them playing, or doing art, or reading....pat them on the back and tell them what a great job their doing.

I'm my mothers caregiver. She's now teaching me patience. I'm doing pretty good, but I can do much better.
She's 83.

(**)

Answer 7

My mother was farmed out to work when she was 11, because her mother died, and she didn't grow up with her family. She didn't really know how to be a mother, having not had much herself, tho she did try. She was not affectionate, but I suspect that was because she didn't have that herself growing up. She taught me a lot, but I had learned from her that affection is important, because I had very little hugging and kissing. I was determined that my children would have all they wanted. She was a good mother in other ways.

My father was not affectionate, either, tho he was a good provider and father in other ways also.

Answer 8

I was never taught to cook or anything like that. It was "get out of my kitchen". I didn't know cuts of meat or anything like that. It took me a while to get beyond hamburger helper....LOL I did watch and picked up a few tricks but never got to do anything except for a girl scout badge. Never did laundry by myself or any housekeeping things except dusting and cleaning the bath tub and toliet. Never learned budgeting, who to call or where to go to set up utilities or anything. Never knew anything about cars.....didn't even put gas in until it became all self serve. Never changed a tire, nothing about car maintence. Nothing about a homes function at all....like how to change a fuse, turn the main gas or water off. It's not like they didn't know.....they just never taught me. Dad didn't coz what he knew any decent man would know....my mom didn't want kids messing up her stuff. Their finances were personal and they just assumed the important stuff would be handled by a man.

I learned with my kids on alot of things. Nothing wrong with not knowing coz you can always learn.

Sex was a taboo topic and I was 100% open with my kids about that.

My parents were violent in the punishing catagory.
I wasn't at all. Determined never to be.

Never was taught anything about being alone. Ya got married...period....helped your husband achieve his goals and have babies. A woman didn't have any, and maybe if you did, you waited till the kids were gone and dabbled in it. A decent man supported his wife and handled all the rest and it was best to keep it that way because he was ruler of the house. LOL....what a joke that was.

I pretty much went the opposite direction blindly and screwed up alot along the way. My kids are 100% more prepared to go out in the world than I was. Both very independant and always ready to handle anything that comes their way.

Answer 9

My parents participated in illegal behavior, and were too involved in their lives to pay attention to me. Thus I have made the decision never to have children, so I don't have to worry about being over protective do to my lack of protection as a child.

Answer 10

JuJu: You are a beautiful
woman. I know you must have
a reason for changing your
avatar to this little pixie with
the big ears? It's none of my
business, but I liked your picture better.
Childraising shortcomings...
let's see. I think most parents
try to do the best they can.
Can't go back and change
anything now.