My husband takes me completely for granted, what should I do?

Question

I'm 23, have been married for a little over a year, and we have two children together (youngest is 9 months). My husband is completely un-romantic. When I try to be initiate some romance of any kind, he'll ignore me or tell me he's busy. When I try to show him affection he occasionally gets annoyed and pushes me off, even in front our friends, and (not to sound vain) but I know I'm beautiful, although he rarely even compliments me. His idea of quality time is playing x-box while I sit on the couch. He can be incredibly cruel, cold, and callous. Things have become so bad between us I have considered leaving, but I couldn't afford to and for the sake of our children I would like for us to be a happy family. If I try talking with him about this, even kindly and without accusations, he gets very angry. I have no idea what to do, but I am MISERABLE. I feel like I'm nothing at all to him. Any advice would be well appreciated

Answer 1

Doing the same thing over and over expecting change is a form of insanity.

You don't strike me as someone who sounds insane.

Love and blessings Don

Answer 2

You haven't been married for very long, so I wouldn't do anything too drastic like getting a divorce or move out yet. Give it some time, and if things don't improve, or if the situation worsens, then you should confront him about it and suggest to see a marriage counselor.

Also, he might be going through a hard time too. Whether it's at work, or a personal issue, maybe he needs to talk about it. Talk to him about HIM. Yes, it may sound like the last thing you want to do right now, but if he gets better, so will you.

Did he act like this before you were married and had kids? If so, why did you marry him? Try to think back to what initially attracted you to him, and focus on that during the hard times.

Talk to friends, family or a therapist for support before you make any huge decisions. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

Try to participate in the things he likes. Think back at what you guys used to do before you were married. Just stop talking to him about it. Eventually he will notice you again. I know that it hurts, cause I've got a small but similar problem. Play xbox with him, get high together, drunk something that will make him realize that you still want to be a part of his life! Or you could treat him the way he treats you. Stop making him dinner, don't talk to him. Ignore him. Believe me honey he's going to ask you whats the hell is wrong, and you can reply with " like the way that your treating me?" Then you might be able to explain how he's making you feel. As for the kids. If all attempts have failed then leaving him would be the best thing for both you and the kids. Having your kids grow up with such father figure that treats women like that is terrible for them. Your daughter will look for men that will treat her badly, and your son will treat women badly. You know what you deserve and you are beautiful. Of course you need someone to tell you. girl, go out and find the one who will appreciate you!

Answer 4

I was in the same predicament but from the mans point. I wound up leaving my wife though, reality was that I didn't think she loved me and I was right about it. There is a lot more to the story that your not telling. Why has he become that way? Are you consistently complaining about everything under the sun? Reality is that men don't like confrontation with their wives. You pushing him will actually make him crawl further into his shell. Arguing doesn't help either. Just let him be him for a while and then bring up the good times you two have had together. Say positive things!

Answer 5

Hey, I'm sorry to hear how you're being neglected and unappreciated. I'd approach this from a couple of perspectives. First, I hope this isn't the case, but if his romantic needs are being satisfied somewhere else, then that may explain his responses to you. Second, it seems that you allow his anger to silence your need to address this with him. Stop allowing his anger to control you. You have as much right to your feelings as he has to his. With that said, he may need a wake-up call. Make arrangements for you and the kids to go stay somewhere else for a few days. Once you have that option in place, ask to speak to him in a respectful tone about a serious matter. Make sure you're both sitting down and being as unemotional as you can, tell him that you feel unappreciated and disrespected. Explain that you don't deserve this kind of treatment. Let him know that you feel that you need to leave the home for a while if he can't treat you with the honor and respect that you and the kids deserve. (have someone with you as a backup if you need to). If you feel physically threatened, then you should have already left. Additionally, have enough guts to stick to whatever it is that you say. DISCLAIMER: I'm not a prof. counselor so you may want to confer with others before taking any action. I wish you and yours the best in reaching the best solution.

Answer 6

Oh, I'm sorry to hear this. He sounds like a loser. Don't feel like its your fault. Sometimes people show their true colors too late. Maybe try counseling and if it doesn't work or he doensn't change (with or without it) then you should consider moving on. You will get child support. Why don't you go to school while your with him and hope he straightens out and if he doesn't then take your degree and get out. If you go to Nursing school, there will be plenty of jobs waiting and you'll make the big bucks. You can complete your RN in 2 yrs. You do not need a BA to be a RN although you can get it but don't feel like you have to. If you don't have money for nursing school then be a CNA and most places will pay your way through Nursing school. Your young and pretty-you can find better!!! :)

Answer 7

You are still young and you have just started your life together. You can still do a lot in your relationship together. First, you have to check yourself in relation to him.( How are you as a wife and a mother of your children). You can't just present as a pretty face to him, now that your married. You need to do more than that. Second, you already have children. The success of the children depend on how strong is the relationship of their parents. In other words, you as parents have a very important role to play in the future of your children. If you love your children you will do your best to keep your marriage. Lastly, if you believe in God, you have to trust Him . Everything that is happening to you has a purpose. All you have to do is ask God for help, pray!. Besides, marriage is a sacrament( if your's was done in the catholic rites) you have all the graces to overcome all the problems you have and you will have in your married life. Don't give up, do something!

Answer 8

First, you are wonderful sweetie and you know it *hugs*

I know I'm probably overreacting, but I would throw the xbox in the trash. He's an adult and even tho its ok to play its not ok to ignore you.

I think this is more than I know how to help with... I keep trying to think of ways you could communicate with him, but if he doesn't listen, then what can you do....

Maybe if you plan some things that he commits to doing, like taking the kids out to the park or something, then he has to do it because its a commitment, and he'll get out of the house.

Maybe you could have 1 week for each of you where the other spends a week focused on the other. Like he has to do his very best to make you happy, no xbox, just talking or spending time with you, and then your spend 1 week doing the same thing... i don't know... trying to figure out ways for him to understand and feel what you are going through.

Confronting him doesn't sound like it works, sounds like he would just get upset.

I'm going to keep thinking about this and try to update my answer... I really want things to work out for you too... stay strong hun.

Answer 9

Sad situation, unfortunately because his is out of tune and you want to be, perhaps taking your own steps to 1. make yourself strong and healthy mentally should be a priority. This could start by reaching out to family or a trusted mentor or even tapping into your health benefits for counseling. Even if he thinks nothing is wrong. Stand strong and do it for yourself and your children. He will get mad and leave or get mad and join in after a spell. But if he is distracted in some way, your strength will draw out his need to take action. If he is still into you, it will come together, if not,2. you must be ready to make other plans.
3.Don't let him take away who you are and what you both committed too.

Answer 10

My Daughter has run into the same thing under the same circumstances as well.

She went not only on strike but would not fix dinner, lunch, breakfast or do laundry as well. This went on for about two weeks till things came to a head and when that happened he got the idea that he too was a part of the family and had his part to do and that included taking care of one wife as well plus show some long overdue affection for the one whom did all the work too.

Answer 11

You need to accept the cruel, cold, and callous reality of your marriage.

You married a child. So why wouldn't you expect him to act like a selfish child?

You cannot change him. Only he can change himself.

But you did make a vow to "for better or for worse" with this "man". Now you need to stop thinking of your own selfish unfulfilled needs and think of the needs of the children (not including your "husband").

Any decisions you make should be in the best interest of the children.

Good luck. Get sober. Improve YOUR life.