I'm married, and shes in a relationship, how do I stop having feelings for a coworker??

Question

I worked with this person for over a year and was initially attracted to her physically, but recently we took a business trip together and I have since developed strong feelings for her. I have not told her anything, and have no idea how she feels towards me, although I have a sense that she feels somewhat the same towards me. Obviously, this is causing problems in my marriage, and I really want to have never met this person. My wife and I are married for 2 years and I have been faithful to her but I am finding it impossible to ignore these feelings towards my coworker. I need help.

Some more details.

We do not have kids, and I have told my wife that I am not sure if I ever will.

I have already seeked counseling for myself and was told by my psych to think long and hard about throwing away my marriage for "feelings"

Answer 1

Spend a little more time with this co-worker and you'll see the imperfections. She might look totally different without makeup, or she might have high debt...she might have a past involving several guys. There is no perfect women so just find her flaws...and that will turn you off quick. She probably won't be cool with you leaving your wife and coming to her. That's a big gamble...you might end up alone.

Answer 2

Feelings come and go... I think you should avoid this person as much as possible (distant yourself from them). What is it that she's doing that ypur wife isn't doing? Talk to your wife about the way you've been feeling (not necessarily tell her you having feelings for another woman). Whatever way you've been putting effort towards this co worker, find a way to put this effort towards your marriage, regardless of how much you and your wife are on good terms or not. Pray to God that you won't enter into temptation, and do your part in setting up hedges around your marriage to protect it. If you're called to take another trip with this person, talk and explain to your boss the situation and don't go.... Your marriage is more important than your job, and anybody at your job....

Answer 3

situation like this can happen to anyone, man or woman, and its not simple to deal with it, it will take time and effort to ease the feelings or make them go away completely. I would advice to find ways to leave the same room when you feel overwhelmed and generally to try to keep quite busy when near that woman. You will probably feel guilty anyway and that may help to start looking at your wife with new eyes and bring some of the initial romance back to life. Do not push away your feelings completely, rather face them ( but best when you're alone), and be aware of your own possible reactions to be better prepared when your self-discipline comes to a test.Who knows, you may end up having simply a nice friendship instead.

Answer 4

Two years into a marriage and feeling this way is really bad! If you don't have kids with your wife you might want to end it now, a divorce seems inevitable for you anyway why bring kids into the mix. I don't believe in divorce but if your already thinking of straying why put your wife through more waisted years, surely she doesn't deserve that. If you do have kids then you should really be smacked, either way your making a HUGE mistake but I find once people are so far in that they are posting questions like this it's already too late.

Just do your wife one favor and tell her first and allow her to leave with some dignity and grace. Don't make a fool of her if you care for her in the least.

Answer 5

Take the energy and fantasies you've been having for the coworker and direct them at your wife. When you find yourself fantasizing about the coworker, replace her in your fantasy with your wife. Then go pick up a little present for your wife or do something extra nice for your wife when you get home (give her a back rub, a foot rub, take her to dinner, tell her she looks beautiful, be affectionate with her). If she asks you why you are being so attentive, tell her that you have realized that you have a good thing at home and you haven't been taking care of her as she needs and deserves to be cared for--(if this doesn't make your wife weak in the knees and reciprocate your attentions, well then I don't know what will.)

The infatuation you feel for the coworker will burn itself out if you work on redirecting your energies and attentions back to your wife. And your feelings of newness and excitement with your wife will be rekindled.

This thing with the coworker will only break up 2 households and make things awkward at work when the affair burns out.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

Cheating should never be an option. At least 4 people will be hurt. It may be best if you can distance yourself from this coworker and avoid taking business trips together. This attraction is strong because she is new and different, but beware. The grass is NOT greener on the other side. Concentrate on your wife.

Answer 7

Think of the pain this could cause... Try to think of ways to bring you and your wife closer together.. Start planning on things to do, just the two of you, (a trip, join a gym, site seeing, get a pet, think of a hobby) when you two start doing more together you appreciate each other more and the thought of having an affair won't even cross your mind, and when you see an attractive woman you say to yourself" oh she's pretty" and move on...It sounds to me as if you two have gotten yourselves in the doldrums of marriage that can be remedied if you try.

Answer 8

Back away and don't look back. Don't acknowledge these feelings. Take a vacation with your wife and enjoy yourself. The trip you took with your coworker was a getaway. It was forbidden and now you are infatuated with it. Don't do something that you may regret later. Ask yourself this question...if you wife did it, how would you feel? Ask yourself something else...do you want a divorce? If so, ask for one and go after your co-worker. Otherwise, hang in there and romance your wife.

A moment of pleasure is not worth throwing away your lifetime with your wife!

Answer 9

Tell her you are developing feelings for her but want to stay faithful to your wife. She will understand and give you some space, stop flirting with you ect if she is a good woman. She wouldnt want to break up your marriage if she has any morals. Putting it out on the table with help you deal with it better.

Answer 10

You have to be strong enough to let her go. It is not fair for you being married to engage this new girl into an affair. It is not fair for her, your wife or for you. These things always spell, disaster. Coworker, is a worker plain and simple it is not your life. Make sure your marriage is over before you move on.