Okay, my friend has 2 children. She wants to leave, but doesn't know where else to go besides to a different state. She can find a job and support her children in the new state. Her husband is a bit (more than a bit) of a jerk. He doesn't give a crud about the kids, yells at the 4 year old all the time, and is mean and controlling of her. He hasn't physically been abusive, but emotionally and verbally he has. Now, I guess the question here is where can we find information that will help her make the choice to leave. She is scared that if she moves out of state that she will be kidnapping the children. And also how long before she can file for divorce once she moves to Colorado. Any help with this will be appreciated!
2007-12-26 03:15:20 · 14 answers · asked by mlpsq1996 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To clarify something. She grew up in a home where her mother was abused by a man. She has spent much time with my family, and it took her a long time to realize that a healthy relationship didn't involve any abuse, and children that were loved by both parents! She is scared, obviously. Her husbands family will be the ones to balk on anything and not him.
2007-12-26 03:45:27 · update #1
married parents don't get charged with kidnapping; most states require you live there for at least 6 months before you can file.....she should contact a lawyer
2007-12-26 03:20:04 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She can go to an shelter or abuse hotline and they can tell her what the laws are for that state and will also assist her into making that transiton away from him. Abuse is in many different forms.. There is a possibility that she might have to have file a restraining order if she thinks that he may become potentially violent. This will covers her in case she leaves without notice to him. It doesn't matter if you are married or not. I know of someone who did this and before the person could get back to this state the FBI has surrounded the house and it was just awful. Be smart about moving, but just make sure she gets a understanding about how to do this. She can go to her court and file for a Paupers petition which can help move things along quickly and if money for the divorce is an issue. Also when she files she must see if the divorce has to be filed there, she may in fact be able to do it someplace else and let them know it also regarding some safety issues. Anyone who has potentials to be violent in any way will and can become physical as well. I hope that helps and I pray that you will find peace and new love.
2007-12-26 03:37:12 · answer #2 · answered by Dee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The friend should file a police report for the verbal abuse. Especially the incidents that involve yelling at the 4 year old. She should open a checking account in her name only & transfer her portion to the account. She should open an emergency credit card account in her name only. She also needs a savings account in her own name. She should hire a very good attorney. If what she files in the report is strong enough, she can get a restraining order against the husband & have him arrested. He should not be told anything until she has the attorney, the police report & the separate accounts. Once she has the attorney, she can find all pay-stub, mortgage, outgoing expenses, etc & secretly hand over copies to the attorney, along with the filled poloice report. You do not have to press charges with the report, so that he will not know of her building a case against him.She should be the one to remain in the house & have him move out. If there are any weapons in the home, take them to a trusted friend/family member for safe keeping. If she can wait & plan, there may be enough time for her to take a self defense class in case he turns violet, she will have the basic skills to react to protect herself & children. Once the legal protection is in place, she can be free to move out of state, sell the house & retain 1/2 the equity. She needs a good attorney.
2007-12-26 03:42:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It ceases to amaze me the number of times this question is asked in that way. If the guy doesn't care about the kids, then why will he care if she takes them? This is the 3 sides to every story rule. Her side, his side and the truth. I suggest, the couple talk to a counselor and try to save the marriage. His being mean and controlling could easily be something in his life that he cannot control. Counseling, often times, can rectify this. Assuming your friend has no 'fault' in this, the problem is his. I mean, he apparently was a good guy at some point, or she wouldn't have married him. If she really doesn't want to stay in the marriage, for her own reasons, (which I suspect is the REAL situation), chances are he doesn't want to be there either. They could talk to a mediator, who can help them decide what to do with the kids. Again, if he doesn't care about them, it should not be a problem. I wouldn't take the kids and run, because even if he doesn't care, it is a huge advantage for him if he is a good actor and can convince a court later on, that he was willing "to do anything," to reconcile. Tell your friend to act like an adult and solve this problem before leaving. Good luck.
2007-12-26 03:28:18 · answer #4 · answered by xp2c 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If she leaves with the kids, she cannot file for divorce in the new state until she establishes residency. In Colorado, that means she has to have lived in the state for 90 days before she can file. If he files for divorce in his home state first, she can be forced to return the kids to him or come back with them. If she refuses, first of all, she will lose her divorce and custody cases by default (for failing to appear). She can also be charged with kidnapping at that point. Once a divorce is filed, then all actions pertaining to the divorce must be handled in the state where it was filed. This includes all custody and support issues. If she moves out of state with the kids, he may be able to file for divorce on the grounds of abandonment, which could harm her attempts to gain custody or support.
If she wants to leave him, I would suggest she file for divorce and move out, but not out of state. It is doubtful but not impossible that she can convince a court to allow her to move out of state with the kids. If not, then she will have to find a job closer to where the father lives so he can have visitation rights.
2007-12-26 04:37:02 · answer #5 · answered by rlb1961 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ifall the doors of hope are closed for rethinking, u can ask herto stay inrentedplace, with some relatives,friends etc. Consult attorneyfor divorce. Before moving she canlodgean FIR with police for abusing, harrasment etc. This will help her in future inher divorce case . She can not be charged for kidnapping for her kids if she intimate the police about her condition.
2007-12-26 03:34:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This woman needs a good divorce lawyer......and dont ever take off and run out of state with kids, unless you have a court document authorizing you to do this......she should find a job first, make living arrangements.....but first consult a divorce attorney before she does anything.
2007-12-26 03:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She better check with the state courts, because in a lot of states it is illegal to just take the kids and move. She can be arrested and the kids can be taken from her. The problem is not her husband, but her. She lets him controll her and lets him demean the kids. Instead of running away from the issue she needs to confront it and have some self respect for herself and show the kids that when things get bad, that is not the time to run away, but to make a stand for yourself. If he is not physical with her or the kids, why run?
She can get divorced if she chooses and he will have to pay CS and perhaps alimony, she will get the home and the car. She has a tremendous amount of power if she will just use it. Make him move out, make him pay for his abusive nature.
Run and she could lose everything, stay and file for divorce and she will win.
Yoda out
2007-12-26 03:24:16 · answer #8 · answered by Yoda 5 · 0⤊ 4⤋
good for you for helping her out! verbal and emotional abuse can really do a number on your sense of reality (i know this from personal experience), and it can really help to have someone on your side who can be a little more objective.
so... there is a website that was an invaluable resource to me when i needed support (and it was just a boyfriend, no kids or anything, not even living together, so a much less serious situation than your friend's)....
http://www.drirene.com/contents.htm
that page lists the contents of the site....
hope this helps!
2007-12-26 03:28:55 · answer #9 · answered by lucillejayne 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i have been in a situation like this before, i went to woman crisis and emotional and verbal is abuse to, i did not know this until i went to woman crisis, if she goes there they will help her and give her advice and this is really a good place when someone needs help and its free they get donations so they can help the abused and she can get a lawyer for free and its called legal aid, you might like to tell her that because its no fun living in a abusive relationship, good luck to you and your friend.
2007-12-26 03:37:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋