My husband and I have been married for over a year now... he just told me last night that he feels that he feels that I am just obsessed with him and not in love with him and that I need to get a hobbie or something becasue he doesnt think that this is healthy to make him "my world." Ya, I dont really have many friends and I dont get out much but I go to work at 3 in the morning and get off at 11. This kills my day because I go home, take a nap, make us dinner, than I have to go to bed....could he be right... Should I have more in my life to do/worry about then him? Am I too obsessed?
2007-12-26 02:51:38 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think he's trying to get rid of you so he can play around with women online or on the phone and/or have a physical affair... that's my opinion... he's trying to get rid of you, why don't he get a hobby??? hmmm!!!
some men would be happy that their woman was always there for them... this man is trying to get rid of you, that's what I think!
sure, get a hobby when he is at work, but, when he's home, you be there, too... if he don't like it, he can go... pfffttt...
2007-12-26 02:57:37 · answer #1 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I suggest defining for yourself what obsession means and then what hobby means. Then consider how your infatuation with your husband and passion for your relationship with him has consumed so much of your life. Maybe he would like some time to pursue his own hobbies but feels uncomfortable doing so because he feels a little smothered by you. Perhaps "smothered" is a strong word to use, so consider something similar but not as harsh. You like your husband a lot and structure your day around him. That's great. Many people in this world wish they could get that kind of attention from their partners. However, you probably have very little of your own that you pursue for yourself rather than for him. Do you like to read, learn new things, sew, play games and puzzles, draw, paint, etc.? It is a little unhealthy to have no hobbies other than focusing on another person. I can see how that may cross the line between hobby and obsession. Do you depend on him for entertainment? Do you have no one else to vent to when you had a bad day or are frustrated with your parents? If you hear a good joke and have to tell someone else, is he always the only person who ever hears it? No one knows you better than you. We cannot answer this for you. I suggest you find out how codependent you are and learn to pursue personal hobbies for yourself -not to appease him.
2007-12-26 11:16:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no ur not obsessed he's just being a dick cuz u work and HE has no time to see u that much take it from me he's more obsessed with u then u are of him cuz im a husband of this lady and she acts the same except the cooking and she's not obsessed wit me i think im more obsessed wit her try this order take out for about a week and see if that works and if it don't than when u get off of work go to sleep say hi and that's it and the last thing that I'm going to tell u is he's conceded and he wants to think ur obesessed and thats it
2007-12-26 11:06:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a jerk.
Obviously you are coming from two different places in relationships..you are dedicated and he is not. He wants space and feels smothered.
Analyze your relationship for the answers..do you get what you give?
I life of your own?! What exactly IS the point of marriage if you don't actually want to spend your lives together, then? Someone can fill me in? Sounds like some kinda creepy financial arrangement and contract rather than a serious relationship. Spending some time apart is fine..but that should come naturally..he should actually WANT to spend his life with you or perhaps you shouldnt be married to begin with.
2007-12-26 11:03:48 · answer #4 · answered by Nietzsche's Falling Star 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you are smothering him. It is not healthy mentally to not have other distractions in life other than one person. It can strain a relationship. He wants you to expand your horizons and find things to do that will give you more balance in life. When you put all of your eggs in one basket so to speak, you have a tendency to hover over those eggs and make them feel smothered. I am sure he loves you, but he is feeling suffocated by your always needeing to be with him, around him and making him the absolute center of your life. A couple is made up of two individuals, you need to have diversions that do not include him so that you can be more independent and stronger mentally and emotionally. He may just be bad at explaining it to you.
Now, you may be one of those people who does not neccessarily like or need other people in your life and if that is the case then just be aware that you can over do it with the one you want in your life. Give him some free time to be himself and hang out with his friends knowing that he needs this type of social interaction, even if you don't.
In the meantime try to find someone to workout with, go to lunch with once on a while or go shopping. You should have a grilfriend to do things with. Everyone could benefit from having at least one friend to confide in and give you other things to occupy your time. Even if you just volunteer your time with a worthy organization or just take walks with a neighbor.
The most important thing to remember is that he is feeling smothered, back off a bit and let him breath.
Yoda out
2007-12-26 11:03:11 · answer #5 · answered by Yoda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say you are obsessed, but I think you have lost view of who you are in the relationship. You have completely given yourself to the marriage, but at the same time lost any individuality. Find some friends from work and go for a girls night out sometime or something. Although both of you came together as one in the relationship it is only supposed to be figurative and symbolic. Good luck.
2007-12-26 10:57:06 · answer #6 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
An outside interest would be a good thing to have. Just from your description, I wouldn't think you're obsessed. And your work shift doesn't help much either, I imagine. It's always good to have outside interests, things that interest you that might not be family or husband related. Best of luck to you!
2007-12-26 11:01:52 · answer #7 · answered by BG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want your life here and eternal life to be good, ask the Lord Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. He died for your sins, but you have to accept this fact by asking Him to be your Lord and Savior. When you do, He will send the Holy Spirit to guide your heart on every issue in your life, including your marriage, friends, happiness , etc. The biggest benefit of course, you will live with God forever and not being cast into the lake of eternal fire with Satan, his demons and all non-believers (Book of Revelations). Choose wisely !
2007-12-26 10:56:05 · answer #8 · answered by Light W 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should make an effort to do things that don't involve him. Yes, get a hobby, go out with friends. Make time for other things besides spending time with him.
2007-12-26 10:54:55 · answer #9 · answered by Queen of Beer 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No! The last thing you can be is too obsessed with your spouse. I wish my wife was just a little obsessed with her spouse. Don't worry, you won't stay that way forever.
2007-12-26 10:56:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋