I am leaving my wife a life-time diary to the farmhouse and she will have the option to sell if she needs to for medical reasons. After that, it is going to ALL the kids (including the step-kids). I am not giving the kids an option to sell as long as they have kids. Three of the kids don't have a problem with that. My oldest son is mad as a hornet about it. He doesn't even want my wife to be allowed back there if something happens to me. But, I am now wondering about cutting his share of the property because he is messing in drugs pretty bad and has a huge anger problem. He has pulled guns on people and I think he has stole some things but I can't be sure about that. He doesn't want anything to do with us unless it invovles giving him money or gifts. I had always planned on everything among the kids being equal but I'm not sure anymore. He is just mean now. My wife suggested if he wants his share that he has to pass surprise drug tests. What do you think?
2007-12-26 02:43:41 · 7 answers · asked by Love_to_Fish 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry but for the one answer I do not agree in any way that drug addiction to illegal drugs is a disease. This is something they chose to do at first and then continued for whatever reason. By labeling drug addicts as having a disease is giving them an excuse to stay that way. I didn't say I don't love my son, I don't trust him for no amount of money though. He is over 30 years old, can not keep a job, can not stay in a relationship, continues to get women pregnant and then does all he can to get out of helping to support the babies, he disrupts every family gathering, etc. He will not listen to his brother or his stepbrother & stepsister because he feels tht he does nothing wrong in his life. He was arrested for drunk driving and he blamed everyone in the family for his being drunk even though NO ONE was around him for probably 2 weeks before he got drunk. He can not and will not accept responsiblity for his own actions.
2007-12-26 11:36:01 · update #1
simple im 16 and im gonna say dont give it to him .... he needs to chill his jets and mature a little or alot and earn it
if he is into drugs im sure he would try gettin money outta it to buy some more .....so if you ended up giving him a share it would only end up hurting him ........
well good luck hope i helped
2007-12-26 03:36:46 · answer #1 · answered by ill shoot an arow thru ur heart! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can make what ever arrangements and conditions you want in your will, and he can hire a lawyer to hold up the proceedings for everyone while he contests it.
If you decide to disinherit your son, make sure you make a point to explain why in your will rather than just not mention him.
The guy is a drug addict and addicts only care about themselves and their next hit. If you don't want to completely write off your son, you could consider leaving him his portion in cash rather than a share of the farm--I've heard of several cases where children were left shares of a property and the druggie or gambling addict child will sell his portion and then the new owner harasses and blackmails the rest of the family until they sell the property to him or buy him out.
Anyway, the cash portion can be set up in a trust and the requirements of the trust are that the son needs to be drug free to get the money and the money can be paid out over a period of time rather than all at once. Talk with your lawyer about how something like this might be administered--make the lawyer or someone who is NOT family the trustee of the account, so the son can't cause any trouble with his siblings or your wife.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Good Luck to you.
2007-12-26 10:57:14 · answer #2 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can establish his share in an escrow account and appoint a trustee - not your wife - to administer it. Law firms do this kind of thing all the time.
You can stipulate various things - drug tests, steady employment, staying out of trouble with the law, and so on.
Actually, I think under the circumstances, this would be a good idea. If he can't straighten his life up now, perhaps you can continue to help him do so after you are gone.
Tough love, I know, but I'm sure you want your son to live a good and productive life.
If he wants his share of your estate badly enough, he will have no choice other than to comply with the terms of such a will.
Whether you would tell him about this when you do it, or wait until after you're gone is a tougher question.
On one hand, it might wake him up and force him to take stock of his own life and start to make changes now.
On the other hand, it could anger him and result in considerable unpleasantness for everyone involved.
I think the other siblings should have an intervention with your son. He is messing up your desires for all of them. Maybe that peer pressur will help him get his had screwed on straight.
It's YOUR money, YOUR wishes, and you've got to do what YOU want to do with it, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Good luck!
2007-12-26 11:25:07 · answer #3 · answered by jasper addleton 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely do not think you should leave him out of the will. We don't stop loving a family member because they have a disease, which is what a drug addiction is. However, I think you could add stipulations in your will that could be a benefit for him. For example his share could be held until he receives treatment for and resolves his issues with drug addiction to be determined by someone specified in your will.
2007-12-26 11:17:13 · answer #4 · answered by G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting situation. The scenario suggests that your son is in pain, the anger is a symptom of an underlying problem. In truth, this has nothing to do with your will, but rather I am hearing that you are trying to control a person who you see as not being in control. this must be distressing, as it would be to any parent. I am also sensing that you are reviewing your life and perhaps worried over what will develop after you have passed on.
In order to give yourself peace of mind, and plan {via your will} to continue to provide for your family for a long time, know that everyone has to go through suffering, no one is exempt.
In order for every spirit on our planet to experience who they are and the purpose of their life they have to go through experiences and make wrong and right choices. The anger, the addictions are are symptoms of a deeper issue and that is pain. This will present itself as an opportunity to your son, again and again and again, until he decides to change, if he decides that he wants to change. He is completely entitled to this journey, as difficult as it is to watch, because he has an unwavering chance to break the cycle, and this can only come from one place, his heart. He has to want it bad enough and no one can do this for him. The pain can be healed through a connection with God, allowing the divine energy to create a miracle within him. How can you help? Simply love unconditionally and develop your own faith in the Divine. It is the greatest gift you can give as a parent.
Love can guide you to the right information on addictions, on anger, on healing, on giving unconditionally. But it is not within your power to change or fix someone, you can simply take the best care of yourself, lovingyourself, so you can radiate this to others and provide a legacy that exceeds any "willed" amount.
2007-12-26 11:06:30 · answer #5 · answered by northstar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the farm to the three who are ok with this. This way he can't mess it up for them by fighting for a share. Leave him some cash or something. This way he can't terrorize the other kids because he won't have any claim.
2007-12-26 10:50:57 · answer #6 · answered by grneyes8621 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See a trust lawyer.
2007-12-26 10:47:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋