Why does my husband look at porn when I gave him pictures of me?

Question

We have been married for 2 years and agreed no strip clubs or porn unless we are togther. For his bacholor party, he went to a top notch totally nude strip club and doesnt remember how many lap dances he got! After that, I have found out that he looked at porn because his underwear is by the computer or a porn site pops up when I start typing. Why does he do this to me? I gave him nude photos of me but he chose porn videos online instead. We got in a huge fight and he said that he loves me and the way I look. It must be a lie if he has to look at others. How can I get him to like me more instead of other woman? Why does he do this?

Answer 1

He is married not dead. Guys still like to look at porn even if they are married. It doesn't matter if a guy is married to a perfect 10. That's the way men are wired. He is totally normal. He is not cheating on you with another woman. You need to lighten up. Only women who are insecure have a problem with this.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Just because he is on a diet doesn't mean he can't look at the menu.

The problem isn't the strip club or the porn, Its that he told you he wouldn't do these things. That was his mistake. Now that you know he did not keep this promise, you and he need to come to an understanding. Either he has to reaffirm his promise to stop, or you have to release him of this, so far, unkeepable promise. Either way, you two need a new starting place on this. You can't keep bringing up the past, his bachelor party is done, you have already told him you didn't approve, you can't beat him up over it for the rest of your marriage.

Come to a conclusion and stick to it. But let the past be the past.

Answer 4

Its an addiction. Porn can lead to more explict behavior. Its a mind thing for now but it can lead to mastubastion and acting out what he see on the screen. Talk to him and see if you can him help before its too late. It could lead to breaking up your marriage. He is married to you not to porn.

Answer 5

I've been married over 25 years so I can tell you from experience it's not about you.
Men do look at porn, and they like it.
You could try to make him stop, then get in fights over it.
You can take it as an insult to you and make yourself feel miserable.
Or you can concentrate on being the best you can. Be happy with who you are, share your very best with him.
And treat his porn time like he does your shoe shopping - a harmless outlet that makes him happy and relieves stress.
As long as it's not some all consuming habit don't stress over it.

Answer 6

Sweetheart. He is being honest with you. He loves the way you look and he loves you. Your husband is like most men in that we are visually stimulated. I don't care if you are any of the Victoria's Secret models....if a man is looking at her naked everyday eventually he is going to want to look at someone else naked. It doesn't mean that we are dissatisfied with your bodies or looks. It just means that we like seeing women naked, thats all. I will go you even one better and let you know that when he looks at porn he is probably putting you and your body in those situations as well. That is a common misnomer with women. They think that when men look at porn we put ourselves in that situation with that girl. While I won't say that we don't do that, for the most part we are putting both of us in that situation. Then if there happens to be more people involved in what we are seeing then they get to play their own roles.

Answer 7

He could be viewing the porn because of curiosity or variety; which isn't too bad. But if he is spending a lot of time with it, he may be addicted to it.

Answer 8

"Why does he do this to me?"

That's your problem right there. He's not doing anything TO you. He is doing something for himself. It's time to wake up and realize that you do not own him. He is his own person. Sure he is expected to be respectful and keep your desires in consideration. But that does not mean he will not continue to be a man. As a man, he will always have the desire to view porn. It's just something us guys do. It has nothing to do with our wives or girlfriends. It does not mean we are less attracted to you or unsatisfied in bed. We are not doing anything to you by viewing porn. So stop torturing yourself. It is your personal insecurities that are causing the problems here. Trying to get him to agree to something nearly impossible is not going to benefit your relationship at all. If anything, it my drive you two apart because it will build up resentment and create an environment of distrust. Try growing up a little and stop worrying about a picture on a screen.

Answer 9

To a man... there is no such thing as ONE woman! Get used to it... they will never change! Its because they don't want too!!! Honestly, I believe that they paid some scientist to tell woman that men are "visual creatures" so they can look all day!!! BS! They are just nasty creatures! lol good luck with this hope you can find a way to cope cuz he wont change!

Answer 10

Your instincts are excellent. Do not ignore them! He IS lying to you, as all other husbands who've looked at pornography do. The bachelor party was a sign of things to come. The whole point of pornography is to lust after other women's bodies: you gave him permission to do that. Whether or not you are together, while he's doing it, is completely irrelevant; his appetite for other women was whetted, with your approval.

What he is doing constitutes adultery: "Everyone that keeps on looking at a woman, so as to have a passion for her, has already committed adultery with her in his heart."—Matthew 5:28. If you watched naked men in sex acts, how would your husband feel?
My co-worker started off the way yours did (looking at pornography after only 2 years of marriage) and, now--after 2 children and 12 years of marriage), he actively pursues adulterous relationships with almost every woman he meets. I hear him lie to his wife on the phone every day, when she calls him.
A loving husband would not try to trivialize his misogyny, but express his loving support for the woman he promised to cherish forever.

Rather than portraying sexual relations as a beautiful and intimate expression of love between a man and a woman in honorable marriage, pornography demeans and distorts the sexual act. Casual and perverted sex are portrayed as exciting and desirable. Personal gratification with little or no regard for the other person is highlighted.

On the contrary, Love "does not behave indecently," wrote Paul. "[It] does not look for its own interests." (1 Corinthians 13:5) The Bible exhorts men to 'love their wives as their own bodies' and to 'assign them honor,' not to view women as merely objects for sexual gratification. (Ephesians 5:28; 1 Peter 3:7) Is someone, who regularly feeds on sexually explicit images of other people, truly behaving decently? And is that person really showing honor and respect? Instead of love, pornography cultivates self-centered, selfish desire.

There are many reasons for avoiding pornography. It negatively affects your quality of life, warps your judgment, damages your relationships with others (namely, women). It takes a real man to resist this hateful plague.

Unfortunately, you can't MAKE him love you, unless he already WANTS to make you happy. It's like therapy: a person can't get better, unless they see that they have a problem. Be firm in telling your husband that if he does not stop hurting you and seek therapy, you will leave him. Then, he can live with those digital women, instead of a live, loving one.

You are not the only person who has grappled with this problem; others have and they have been successful. The key is not to settle for just any man. Find one who is truly worthy of your love and never give up! It takes a strong woman to stand up for herself and demand that she be respected. I know you can do it.