How do I get past this for my kids?

Question

Last night, I had my husband arrested. He has never been violent in the past, but yesterday he slapped our 4 year old hard enough to leave welts on her face. It took me completely by surprise and I called the cops immediately. I can't let anyone get away with treating my kids in such a way.

He was arrested for child abuse and now here I am without him. I've been a stay at home mom. I need to find a job so I can support my kids. I need to figure out how I'm going to get my rent together this month. I'm overwhelmed and on top of everything else I keep grieving the man that my husband used to be. I found out he didn't pass his drug test at the jail last night, which explains why his mood was so strange. But I could never trust him around my kids again, so we're done for good now. I'm just heartbroken and sick that it had to end because I truly do love him- but not enough to keep my kids at risk of his behavior.

I can't afford any counseling right now. I just need some friendly advice..

Answer 1

well, you've got to find someone to take care of your child and get a job. you need to make sure you don't let him back in your home,if you do-you'll have no one to blame but yourself. if you belong to a church-turn to them for help, that's one of the things they are there for. but you'll just have to step up and be responsible for your ownself and your daughter instead of relying on him. he must not have been a great provider if you don't have the rent for Jan and you just had him arrested last night.

Answer 2

First of all you should of let him explain why he did what he did but no one should hit any kid in the face that is just plain out wrong and look now you have to explain to your kids that daddy won;t be coming back for a while because Santa took him away because he was being mean and Santa doesn;t like when daddy's are mean to the kids so know mommy will take care of y'all intill daddy can be a nicer person the the kids that how i will tell my kids depending on their age but i would of did the same thing maybe not called the cops but tell him to leave because you couldn;t take the fact that he hit you 4 year old but i hope everything goes good for you and good luck with finding a job and getting to rent paid.
You should of thought of your kids before you called the cops and now you are struggling to get the rent paid so the kids can have a place to lay their heads but again good luck.

Answer 3

Wow, you must be reeling. You are obviously really on top of things if you understand that you really are grieving the person your husband used to be - it really is like a death, but the body is still alive. But, clearly you are a very strong person with good values - you get through it for the kids, and because you had him arrested, and they drug-tested him, now you know the reason. You did the right thing, so don't look back. Is there some local charity that will help you temporarily? In our area (mid-Hudson Valley), there is a local newspaper that helps out in just these kinds of temporary situations. Talk with social services, too. Can your family help? Good luck!

Answer 4

Of course you are grieving and that's okay. It's going to take more time than a day. Not to mention that your life has just been turned upside down and the person that you usually leaned on for support is now the problem.

I applaud you taking action to protect your kids. You must truly be a strong and courageous women which leads me to believe that you will make rent this month, get a job and be just fine in the end.

Good luck!

Answer 5

U are a good person. What u did took balls I tell ya. I totally would've done the samething, my kids are most important to me and NOONE will mistreat them. I know how u feel about the "what am I gonna do now". I'm a stay at home mom and it's rough to actually have to go out to the real world and work to support ur kids. Us moms gotta do what we gotta do for our kids. U will make it, u don't need a man in ur life to be happy (thats why we have vibrators ha-ha). Seriously though, everyday when u wake up u look at them kids and u'll know u made the right decision. U may love him but in time that will pass when u find someone that will treat u and ur kids the way they are suppose to be treated. U may think u love him but u'll see it wasn't love u were just comfortable in ur relationship!

Answer 6

I am sorry that this happened, especially on Christmas. First of all, get a job and a restraining order. Arby's pays well in our area, go to a job service, maybe they can help. Or try asking your church if they can assist. I would think twice about letting him back in the house. If he is using drugs, he needs treatment. Ask the police if they can refer you to some organization for help. There are plenty out there. Best of luck.

Answer 7

First of all you did the right thing, and you should be proud of yourself. You protected your kids and thats the most important thing. I would check with your county social services. They may have help for you, if not talk to your landlord and see if he can give you some extra time on the rent. You just have to believe in yourself and that what you did was right. Theres no sugar coating it, life will be tough, but just keeping telling yourself you did the right thing and dont be ashamed to ask for help. Thats what it's there for.

Answer 8

Sorry your Christmas day was a hell. I'm sorry for the kids as well. I hope whatever decision you end up making, you have your kids well being in mind. I think you are already moving in the right direction. I just wanted to say thanks, for being a good mom and for putting your own feelings to the side for the benefit of the kids. You are a true women and mother in my eyes.. Wish you the best of luck,,,

Answer 9

This just a phase that you are going through and this too shall pass. There are jobs out there, full time and part time ones. Find a job, work 2 if need be and leave that ex in jail.

Answer 10

i think you have defiantly have done the right thing!!!!! WELL DONE!!!
you see my friend dad "k"use to batter "k" and her mum. and "k" use to go to school with bused marks all over her body, arms, legs, her face.... it was terrible, her mum love her Dad and kept on forgiving her farther... "k' and her mum thinking that the violent is not going to happen again. But the violence did. It happened again and again and her mum ended in hospital. then it was "k" who reported it to the police and "k's" dad ended up in gail...
you see, i know you love your husband, but look at your kids, they don't deserve it and you don't.... i do not know your husband, but it probably would of been you next...
.... you are a great mum...
putting your self in your husband shoe.. if this happened once then yes forgive him, but only forgive, if he really means it from the bottom of his heart....
your saying you need counseling, but i think he does too...
i just want to say good luck and i may be a person sitting typing on a keyboard, but i really feel for you and if you need anyone to talk i hear for you... a women to women conversation....