I HATE my husband!!! We have only been married 4 months and I have hated him for the past 3. What do I do?

Question

I do not think I even love him at all anymore. I have morbid thoughts about him when I sleep. He is very immature, irresponsible, childish . . . etc. When we were dating he led me to believe he was a nice gentleman. Now that I am married to him I feel like I am his mother. I had a 3 year old prior to this marriage and now I feel like I am a mother of 2. And now we have one on the way. We constantly fight and it is tearing my home apart and I do not want another child to have to deal with the chaos. I do not think I have any feelings for him whatsoever. He begged and begged to have sex the other day and finally I gave in to shut him up and I cried for about an hour afterwards. I have never felt like this before in my life. I don't want to leave because every will think I am giving up. But he is driving me insane. And his jealously gets in the way of everything. I couldn't even go christmas shopping without him calling me like every 15 min. I've tried my hardest. HELP!!

Answer 1

Surely you must have seen some of this behavior before you married him.
And do you think your hormones are affecting your mood swings?

If anything, you need to sit him down and discuss all of this with him, including your feelings towards him.
Then you guys need to figure out if you want to continue this relationship.
You'll probably need a counselor. And in the mean time, why not discuss your mood swings with your doctor.

Answer 2

I think a lot of this is hormonal due to the pregnancy. Also, I think both of you are somewhat childish and immature if you ask me. I don't know how long you all have been together, but you have only been married for four months and you're already ready to get out of the marriage? Times are going to get rough -- not just during the first year but throughout the marriage. There seems to be a lack of respect for each other as well. You need to have a talk with him. If you can't do it in person write him a letter of send him an e-mail. If you want to save your marriage it CAN be saved. You can get all the marriage counseling you want, but the both of you has to have your minds made up that you want to make this marriage work. My husband can be very immature at times and it drives me nuts. Also, regardless of what anyone thinks it's your marriage so don't worry about other people. They aren't the ones who has to leave with him.

Do you all belong to a church? Go talk to your pastor or the church counselor. Good luck and may God bless.

Answer 3

I read your story a couple of times to try to understand. You do realize there's a lot of contradictions in your 'reality"? For example,,your baby from previous relationship is just 3,,You don't tell us for how long did you dated..I can only assume it was not a long time. Right?..You also don't tell us what happened in your first relationship or Why did you get pregnant again?,,,People don't change so drastic in just 4 months. You must have seen other flags way before this. So Why now? If I were you I would not be focusing in any of this for now. I would put my feeling to the side and O would be a mother first. Once both my babies are taking care of, then I would decided where to go or what to do. For now you need to focus o the unborn child. You can deal with this later.

Answer 4

There is some differences between boyfriend and husband. The time he being your boyfriend, he will show all the kindness and hide all the bad. It is normal when getting married, he can't pretends all the times. Don't take it so hard. You must remember that you both came from a different back ground. for sure you will face some problems. Don't hate him so badly. maybe he is a bit childish but still he loves you so much. just be patience and give him a chance to understand you.Divorce is not the best way because nobody is perfect.

Answer 5

I believe the first year of marriage is the hardest. You are both going through a lot of changes and it will take time to adjust. Having a child on the way only adds to your emotional well being. You could recommend that your new husband find a hobby or sport to take up some time so you can enjoy a little space during your pregnancy. I have a feeling that things will change (some for the better and some for the worst) when the baby arrives. Hang in there!

Answer 6

It doesn't matter what everyone else will think. What matters is whether the two of you can provide a healthy, stable, nurturing home for your children. It certainly appears that that is impossible to achieve at this time, so waht are your alternatives to divorce or separation? It would seem that your best option would be to seek professional or religious counseling and to seek some support from your family for whatever decision you end up making.

I hope you can sort things out one way or the other for your own sake and those of the children.

Answer 7

If you want it to work, I would get yourselves to a marriage counselor.

You need to get it through to him that you did not marry him to replace his mother. Sometimes the mediation of a therapist gets the message across. Maybe he has his own issues that he doesnt know how to deal with on his own. Either way this relationship, as it is right now isnt healthy, and if you dont feel that therapy will help, reconsider this relationship.

Remember, staying in it "for the kids" helps no one, not even the kids. All they will see and learn is that a loveless marriage is normal, and are likley to repeat the behavior. Don't force this if it isn't real, before its too late. Who cares what other people think anyway? Why subject yourself to a lifetime of misery just for the sake of what others think?

Answer 8

How long were you with him before you got married? Have you been married before? Did you have realistic expectations of what married life would be like? The things about him that you don't like now--did you ignore them when you were dating or did you think they would change after you got married? Were you so afraid of being alone that you rushed into this relationship?

If you want to be together, get yourselves to a marriage counselor right now.

Next, you need to figure out how to stop acting like his mother. As long as you behave like a mom to him, he's going to behave like a child.

If you don't want to stay with him, it's alright to say you made a mistake and move on. Take longer to get to know the next one before you get married again.

Good Luck to you.

Answer 9

Why did you marry him? and surely you had time to think about another child or didn't you think? I think you have taken on too much and your pregnancy is causing you to feel hemmed in. He obviously loves you and maybe isn't jealous but concerned about your welfare. You claim to be a mother of 2 yet isn't this man also supporting your 1st child? this is a lot to take on HIS LIFE has been changed and his reactions may be due to the pressure he's under. Talk to him or seek a doctor who can help you settle down. good luck to you both.

Answer 10

Your hormones are way out of wack! Don't disagree with me yet..! Pregnancy, changes you & each child you carry is different, so don't go there thinking that "I've been here before & it wasn't like this, soooo???" If I were you, I'd find a way to channel these ill feelings you have towards your husband into some sort of exercise or something that allows you to releases this energy in a positive manner. Look within yourself first to try to make YOU better, before you hurt your husband and the rest of your family... Blaming someone(s) isn't going to fix your frustration. If you were to boot him out, who is in line to get your wrath next??