I wrote a poem. What do you think of it?

Question

Yeah. So I was bored. :))

Secrets are stories bent and buried
Made to be forgotten.

The world can only hear the muffles of her voice
Yet drown in the tales of their dilemmas.

And it is quite unheard of that an onion will cry
Instead of the one who stole its skin
And erased its existence from the world.

Her heart shall never break its silence
And steal a place in the minds of those
Who could only think of themselves.

The words on the edge of her lips obstructed
By the voices poured inside her ear.

She'll long for gratitude
With a willingness to forget
The knowledge of a thousand rumors,
A million lies,
Each one, a regret.

And her soul could vanish into the breeze
Of the secrets only an egoistic world could tell,
Never having a moment to realize
She was a secret herself.

Answer 1

Quite insightful. I like it :)

Here, have a star.

Answer 2

The opening stanza shows a great deal of promise, but it would have been what I would have chosen to close the poem. E.g., She was a secret herself And secrets are stories bent and buried Always made to be forgotten. The body of the poem, however, is too literal for my taste, although the onion reference was intriguing and, I thought, was going to serve as a metaphor for your experience.

If you know someone in the poetry world who can help you reshape your poem, an editor in other words, I would seek some advise from him or her. You've made a nice start, but I believe you are capable of doing more justice to your experience than what you have managed to express so far.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Wow! Far out! You should entitle it Victoria`s......

Answer 4

quite good! keep trying. i like your ending the bist!

Answer 5

that's an excellent poem.