I don't like my wife! What should I do?

Question

First of all, when we dated my wife wasn't like this, but now this is what she turned into after one year. My wife is boring. She is lazy (ie. doesn't have a professional career, smokes, and hardly cooks). She doesn't like to have sex on the regular. She has a ghetto state of mind and shows no sign of completing any goals. She spends more time with friends and family than me. I want to divorce, but we have a kid. What should I do?

Before we got married she totally didn't show any of these traits. She would smoke occasionally, but now its like she has to have it. Other than that...she gave the impression that she had things together. She worked full time and took care of herself. Within the first half of our marriage things were okay...then she quit a professional job and works at a big box retailer. I'm seeing more of the "Ghetto" train of thought when she notices things like people stealing and won't do anything about it and she is very reluctant to call 911 if anything happens around our neighborhood. Trust me people. She was my dream wife, but turned into all of this. I wasn't fooling myself. I just trusted and believed.

Answer 1

Dude your wife sucks, wtf were you thinking...?

You should talk to her of course. Tell her exactly what you just said here and **** will go from there. How old is the kid? People get divorced all the time hopefully he/she will understand but don't screw yourself over maaan. Good luck!

Answer 2

You must first tell your wife that you're not happy, and give her an opportunity to make amends. You knew she didn't have a career when you married her; so unless the deal was that she was going to pursue one after marriage, you can't hold that against her. You can encourage her to get a career going, but you can't hold this against her. You also knew she smoked, so you can't hold that against her either. If she has a ghetto state of mind, it was there before you married her. You may not have recognized it, and that's not her fault.

Be specific, when you talk to your wife. If she's hardly cooking, tell her that she's needs to start cooking regular meals. If she's not being intimate with you, tell her that you want to have regular sex with her (which is part of the marriage contract). Tell her that the smoking is bothersome for both you and your child, and ask her not to smoke in the house, or in the family car (that's the best you're going to get with the smoking). Tell her that she needs to spend more time with the family, instead of wasting it with her friends. After you've talked, give her time to change. If, however, you don't see a change within the next 6 months (and you need to give it that much time), tell her that you want a divorce. You might also think about getting custody of your child, if your wife is truly the irresponsible woman you describe.

BTW: When you talk to her, she may bring up some things you need to change. You have to be willing to do so, if you want to be fair about this.

Answer 3

First of all because you have a "kid" doesn't mean that you can't divorce. I will be a little more complicated but possible. Second, some of the things you describing you should have notice before,,You just don't get up one morning with a ghetto mentality" or "without any goals?" You knew some of her traits before getting together with her. This is not a "let's do it until you get on my nerves" kind of contract. You are married!!!! This is your spouse. You can help her..You are supposed to be her friend. What happened? She gain some weight? Maybe there's somebody else you would like to meet?,,,Then think about your child. And your little family. Think about your vows,,and make a difference.

Answer 4

My goodness, I mean you didn't just find this out in a year, there had to be signs before you married right? I would tell her what's bothering you and do it in a loving manner, not accusatory manner. Tell her that it's affecting you and your marriage in a negative way. If she doesn't change or want to change, then you'd be better off to start going to counseling on your own and think about moving on.

Answer 5

Talk to her about your feelings and how you feel that she has changed from when you were dating. Help her take care of your child (or offer to help her around the house). If you are already doing those things, then still talk to her. If she still just doesn't want to do anything, start the proceedings for full custody of your child. Good luck.

Answer 6

Welcome to marriage and reality. Once you both say "I do" your loving relationship is over even if you were soul mates. Some people find out in weeks and get divorced, others lie to themselves for years. You just found out. If you don't have kids get rid of her, learn your lesson and if you are ever lucky enough to fall in love again DON'T GET MARRIED!!! You must have known she was ghetto before you got married?!?!?

Answer 7

You should have a talk with your wife. Maybe she doesn't understand it's gotten this bad for you. I know it's hard to make this decision with a child involved, but in the best interest of the child, the parents should be happy and stable.

Answer 8

Sounds like you need to get out. What kind of exmple is this for the kid. You need to get out and get the kid away from her. Kids are like sponges they mold their personalities to their surroundings, and if they see a person like that and that you put up with it...what do you think they are going to be like in the future, what do you think they are going to look for in a spouse???

Answer 9

Husband boy are you in big trouble when I get home from work. :p

seriousley..hates to cook, ghetto minded, smokes, sounds like me..

is your name Alex?

Answer 10

Maybe you both need a change of scenery and a fresh start. Can you change locations?