My husband and I separated back in June... I just found out he was seeing someone else since the summer of last year. My husband and I were still intimate, and things were civil between us, I'd ask him if he was seeing someone and he always told me no.... until I found airlines tickets to Turks and Cacious with her and his name on it. I confronted him and he finally told me the truth. The GF had no idea he was married so he says when they first started dating, he told her we had been separated for years, he also told her we were not intimate until she forced him to tell her the truth. No when its all out in the open, he says he's confused, I am being treated like the other woman. A part of me keeps saying I can get passed the affair... but I part of me still wants to know why he hasn't filed for divorce if he claims he's so unhappy with me.. He's made excuses like its our anniversary, my birthday all sorts of lies... I am at wits end... and probably afraid of filing too!
2007-12-26 01:16:21 · 22 answers · asked by joyce1470 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He hasn't filed because he has people that are buying his excuses and letting him get by with it. File and show him what you think of his excuses.
2007-12-26 01:21:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Until the divorce decree becomes final any intimate realtionsip outside the marriage is cheating....if the couple have been separated for a wile and a divorce is pending most look the other way......
File for divorce, Hon...don't wait for him. Sounds like he an't make up his mind between the misress and you, and in case he decides he wants make things'll be a whole lot easier if there isn't a divorce pending.....but ask yourself this....would I take him back? I wouldn't because he's already proved he's capable of cheating, lies, and having an affair while still intimate with you, his wife. never mind the emotional side of a situation like that, you'd be leaving yourself open to catch any STD his paramour may have. Besides, once a cheater, always a cheater for tigers don't change their stripes. As tough as it may be, you'll be better off without him. Good Luck.
2007-12-26 02:20:20 · answer #2 · answered by The Original GarnetGlitter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on who is looking at the situation.. If you two aren't going to be together then what difference does it make if he is seeing someone( of course he should wait until at least you two are divorced). In some states if you don't have a legal separation then you are still legally together has husband and wife even though you two may live in different homes. In some rare states you can use the affair in the divorce proceedings.
Aside from the legal aspects, do you consider it to be cheating? he probably hasn't filed because he isn't ready to lose most of what he has financially and he probably sees nothing wrong with holding on to you while he is also seeking other women.. Kinda like having his cake and eating it too.
2007-12-26 01:27:41 · answer #3 · answered by Sugarplum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First to answer your original question: Yes, It is cheating since he is still married and intimate with you.
For the rest of the story you only have limited choices here:
The problem you have is that your husband doesn't know what he wants. He kind of want the cake and the whole enchilada as well. You need to value and respect yourself enough to put an end once and for all to this vicious cycle. You need to distance yourself from this . It might be that the distance is what you need right now and what he also needs to appreciate you. If you continue to be his doormat, this cycle will never stop, ever. Take a stand, value your self,,,value your life and focus on you for once! good luck.
2007-12-26 01:27:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My oopinion is this..... you are seperated but you're still intimate and if he's intimate with you and seeing someone else...then yes it's cheating!!! Now if you were seperated and the 2 of you wanted nothing to do with each other..then I'd say it wasn't cheating!! You see when you're married it's more than just that piece of paper saying your married...it's your whole emotional connection. Even though you're seperated that connection could still be there...but if that connection is gone and the only thing holding you together is that piece of paper saying that you're married but the 2 of you are over each other...then he's free to do as he pleases. In your case...because he was still intimate with you...it is cheating...if not on you then at least on her!!! Sounds like you're being used!! Get out as fast as you can!! I know it won't be easy but Good Luck!!
2007-12-26 01:44:00 · answer #5 · answered by HUh?!? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a pompous jerk. He was seeing you "intimately" while seeing her "intimately" and at the same time playing you and your emotions, having his cake and eating it too. If you accept him back it`s just a matter of time before he does it again, and lies to you about important things. If he`s not been straight and truthful in the past, what makes you think that he will be in the future? I`m sorry but he`s playing your emotions and using you to get what he really wants, and that is to have both of you as he wants you.
I would file now and show him your true feelings. That deccision is yours and yours alone.
2007-12-26 01:28:12 · answer #6 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like your husband was cheating even before the separation, but in direct answer to your question, the answer is YES. As long as one is married, any sex with another person besides the spouse is cheating. It's mroe understandable, yes, possibly even forgiveable, but it IS cheating.
As to your "real" question, why would you think his attitude toward filing is all that different from your own. You seem to ahve the best grounds to "win" the divorce. Why don't YOU file?
2007-12-26 01:23:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What was the reason for the separation? Was it a prelude to a divorce? or was it so you could work on your issues and get back together?
If it was just the next step to divorce, then no he wasn't cheating, he was free to pursue other relationships as you would be.
If it was to work on things so you could get back together, then yes he was cheating. (The fact that he lied to the GF about the separation shows that he also thought he was cheating. The fact that he lied to you about seeing someone shows that he was afraid you'd stop having sex with him.)
It is time for YOU to decide what is going to happen in your own life.
Stop having sex with him right now. Decide if you want him back or if you are ready to move on. If you want him back, then BOTH of you go to marriage counseling--if he doesn't go, then he is telling you he is not interested in getting back together with you. It would then be a waste of your time and energy to try and win him back. Stay with the counseling on your own if it helps you get clarity about what you need to do next for yourself.
If you are not going to get back with him, then find yourself a good lawyer and finish the divorce process so you can get on with your life.
2007-12-26 01:31:46 · answer #8 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, but if you two agreed on not seeing anyone else, it is. I'm think you and your husband need to sit down and work out what you both want in this relationship. Once you have established clear cut guidelines then you can both move on. He still loves you but things are going the way you both want them to go. A marriage is a very hard thing to work on if the two individuals are far apart on the desires of the marriage.
2007-12-26 01:23:33 · answer #9 · answered by Kaya M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can only give my opinion. Dating and sexual relationships are cheating. UNTIL divorce papers have been filed. While you may still be legally married, once the divorce action has been actually started, the marriage is over, and all that remains is a legal shell. Being separated isn't divorcing.
2007-12-26 01:26:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You hit the nail on the head with your last point. You need to gather the courage to file for divorce. This man will drive you to distraction if you let him. He'll suck the life right out of you. File for divorce so you can move on and be free of his using.
2007-12-26 01:21:41 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋