My spouse and me had marital problems earlier this year, but worked them out through marriage counseling. Unfortunately, he got his family involved before he even discussed the issues with me. My inlaws were invited for Christmas Eve dinner at our home but decided to decline and snub me because they feel I own them an apology. Am I missing something because I think they should have known to stay out of our marriage prblems? I am not even sure what kind of an apology they are expecting? Should I say "I am sorry you stuck you noses in our business.?" I am baffled by this recent development.
2007-12-26 01:04:12 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The only way to resolve this is by asking them what the issue is and working it through.
2007-12-26 01:06:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 2 points of view here and it may benefit you look at both.
First an apology is not something they are due at all. Depending how close you are, maybe a discussion about the situation might be granted but if your 2 families dont normally interact this way then maybe nothing should be said at all. It should be your husbands place to straighten out his parents since it was him who brought them into the picture. Them not coming to dinner is some kind of retaliation as to what they think you did to their boy then that is truly wrong.
Now there is the other hand. Imagine your self in their shoes. If you have a son and deeply love him. You dont want him to be hurt in anyway. That doesnt change when your children grow up. In fact it gets harder. They become adults and you cant protect them. Imagine your son coming to you and telling you his friend hurt him and ..... well you would want to protect him. help him. Its hard to do that in their situation. Its hard to forgive someone who is supposed to love their son too....
I know this whole thing is a two way street so please dont go on the defense. I would think that your husband could straighten this matter out easily. Now that you and him are in a better place, he should help mend the situation with his parents. Explain to them that those problems are past and you are working on a better future and that if they loved him they would help him be happy and not continue to dwell on the past.
hope things work out for you
2007-12-26 01:19:09 · answer #2 · answered by Grin Reeper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah in-laws and others judging us for our actions. It is a fact of life and one most of us deal with in some form or another. To tell you the truth, this will be irritating you and placing a wedge in your 'family relationships' until you deal with it. It won't hurt to sit down and talk with the in-laws to find out why they feel you owe them an apology. Many times our words are taken out of context and the only way the person(s) who feel anger against you will really know the facts is if you sit down and have a heart-to-heart with them.
Either you be the bigger person and confront this head-on with them or this will continue to be a sore spot in the family.
It doesn't mean they are correct in their actions; I feel it is being very immature to snub somone because of things such as this; after all, your marital problems are between you and your husband, but, this is not a perfect world with perfect people. Good luck
2007-12-26 01:20:25 · answer #3 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have erratic schedules, and we sleep in different bedrooms to boot. We don't go to bed together or wake up together, but it hasn't caused us any issues so far - we choose when and where to spend time together - it doesn't have to be morning or evening, it can be just whenever we can fit it in. I like to stay up late and wake up late, but if needed I can go to bed early and wake up early the next day - I wouldn't choose to do it every day, but when planned ahead I can do that. I would think that you guys could find ways to do things together, whether it requires to wake up earlier or stay up later; if someone can't make it past 11 pm even just ONE day of the year (New Year's is only once a year, you know), I'd recommend seeing a doctor - could be some sort of a narcolepsy problem. Again, the schedule adjustments don't have to happen every day - just often enough to compromise and keep you both happy.
2016-05-26 07:00:55 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. I would ask your spouse, since he felt the need to share your personal business with them, what exactly they are expecting in the way of an apology. If you owe it to them, then suck up your pride and apologize for the sake of peace in your family. Nobody says you have to mean it.
2. If there really isn't a clear reason to apologize, perhaps say something to the affect of "I'm sorry you got involved in our personal business. It was never meant to go beyond the four walls of our house, but since I can't undo the past, I apologize for you having to deal with something that wasn't meant for you to handle. I hope we can get past this and go on with our lives. I know I'm ready to look towards the positive, aren't you?"
I would also make a point to say to my spouse that in the future, when you have an argument, to please keep it between the two of you and to not share your personal business with his family. Tell him you have no problem with him sharing it with a friend who you never see or with a counselor, but for the sake of family peace, you would appreciate that one little courtesy. Then thank him in advance for being understanding.
2007-12-26 01:40:48 · answer #5 · answered by Amy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you know they intended to snub you?
I don't know your family or your problems but in my family it is best to pull up the rug and sweep things under it as communication is not done well here.
Plus I'd rather enjoy their wondering if I cared or not - but then I have a mean streak. And they seem to have one also.
First I'd have a prayer meeting with the husband, and whack him upside his head and tell him what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. How very immature of him to run to mama.
Your problem is with your husband, not your in-laws.
2007-12-26 01:25:57 · answer #6 · answered by pinky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is responsible for mending this. You have no idea what he said to them, so let him untangle the mess he created by involving his relatives. He needs to make this right, and he can. I hope he leaned his lesson that once married, parents and close relatives should stay out of the marriage affairs. Good luck!
2007-12-26 01:20:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry - that's tough. Do you know what your husband told them exactly? I wouldn't apologize because you didn't do anything to them but maybe if you and your husband talk to them about being committed to doing the best by each other it will calm their worries a little.
2007-12-26 01:09:52 · answer #8 · answered by Leaf 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Their decision to "snub" you has nothing to do with you. It was their decision and now they have to live with it. Your husband is the one who owes you the apology for violating the trust in your marriage by blabbing your problems to others.
2007-12-26 01:07:16 · answer #9 · answered by kja63 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
lessoned learned long ago- i dont go to family with problems cause then they always feel involved. you dont owe them an apology, but your husband owes you one. he should be the one to tell them to butt out and apologize to you for being critical. they only know his side of the story, not yours. i wouldnt invite them to any moe functions or be around them if they are going to snub you. tell them not to make your problems thier problems and you wont make thier problems your problem. they need to mind thier own, and not yours!
2007-12-26 01:17:33 · answer #10 · answered by jstagirl1969 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋