Hi Ive been dumped at Christmas, left with 3 kids...what to do?

Question

Hi sorry about being morbid over the Christmas period but Ive been dumped by my boyfriend of 5 years just before Christmas day, think is, is he's still here do you think its because he still loves me and is testing me? or do you think he's still going? I mean wouldn't you have found somewhere to live 1st before dumping me? He say's he's looking for somewhere to live but if he felt like this a few weeks ago wouldn't you be looking for somewhere to live 1st then tell me it's over as he has somewhere to go? I'm so confused about it all and ive asked him but he says its definetly over. But seriously would you not have found somewhere to go before you finished it?

If your not going to help then don't bother answering

Jiltedjohn you have been reported, saddo.
ukactionman give me a week or so then yes think i will lol

Just to clear things up he hasn't cheated on me, i really do know he hasn't. he said its because i'm to controlling over his life (i'm not) and he wants to just be alone without anyone at all.

Answer 1

First, forget that it's Christmas. Treat the situation if it were mid August or any other time.

Second, any guy who would do that to you, even to test you, doesn't deserve you. It's a shame you have kids because they will go through hard time when you do.

Third, you are not alone! I have been in a five year relationship where the guy cheated on me, but I didn't forgive him because I knew he'd do it again. People just don't change and so I left him. He's now married to the girl he cheated on me and it breaks my heart even thought it's been three years already.

The fact is, you need to move on. Someone who does this doesn't deserve you and don't let him back into your life. Also, never give up. Heartbreak takes a great toll on your life and you need to be strong for your kids. Focus on them. They are the ones who really love you, not some guy who has been leading you on for five years. They will help you get through this and move on.

I know someday you'll meet someone who deserves you and who will treat you and your kids right. Until then, just hang in there and know you're not alone.

Answer 2

if you know he hasn't cheated on you and you have been together for a while (5 years), there hasn't been any abuse or anything that would be considered odd going on. Give him till after the end of the week to find a place and get Out.
Is the place you are in , in your name or his or the two of yours? if it isn't in just your name have it changed, you might need his signature. If it is a lease you both need to let the owner/manager know on what day he is leaving and that you will be responsible and the sole person there. (that stops the come back for forgotten items while you are gone thing).
Have the locks changed.

good luck to you.
Julie
o/O\o

Answer 3

To tell you the truth your boy friend's lame. He wont go because he doesnt have anywhere to go.Maybe broke too.He may be trying to tell you that he wont be able to take care of your kids and you but its best that you let him know how much you would be there for him even if he doesnt have a job and try to encourage him. The other thing could be that he is trying to tell you something, check him out if he has'nt got other kids somewhere else coz he sound like he is good at banging.

Answer 4

I'm sorry that you and your children have been put in this awful situation, at any time of the year never mind Christmas.
Accept that he is leaving you, as he has told you, not an easy thing to do. Please try to put the children first in this situation, not an easy thing to do either.
Give him a time scale to leave, if thats what he wants to do, as prolonging this situation can take the toll on everyone in the house. The stress between you and your boyfriend can have an effect on your children, even though you may try to hide it.
Be strong for you and your children, get legal advice if things start to go bad, or even before things get that far.
I wish you all the very best, try talking to close friends to off load so you don't get to stressed.

Answer 5

Use your intution! If you suspect he is serious, and is hanging around out of convienience,lack of money...whatever! then change the locks, and kick him out. If he is repetedly torturing you to wear down your self-esteem, still get rid of him. A lifetime of emotional abuse will cripple you! Take a look at yourself....if 'you' have become needy and insecure, you could be pushing him away! maybe you have been neglecting him of late and he feels unloved, and this surfaces more at a lonely time like xmas? only you know the truth.
As I said use your natural female instinct! it usually works! If, as i suspect, he is overwhelmed by commitment, is making a dash for freedom, and a chance of corrupting younger innocent girls, maybe during festive parties! you will rid. Men in general become borewd easily in relationships. Don't blame yourself!If he is already seeing someone, and is biding his time to get a place with her!! and doesn't want to be considered a cheat, then do some dective work.When you get your evidence kick his *** twice as hard! get some confidence, move on, then watch him crawl to you like the 'dog' he is. goodluck!

Answer 6

You asked a question, you'll get answers. All kinds of answers so, take it with a grain of salt. You don't need to report the ones you don't like.

Your boyfriend dumped you and you want to feel sorry for yourself? It's him that's pathetic, leaving behind three children like that. You need to show your children that you (and them) don't need that excuse of a man in your lives. Your children will be watching you very closely and what you do will shape the way they become later on in their lives. So, be a strong woman, don't allow yourself to be stepped on, and... if anyone walks out on you... say "good riddance!"

Answer 7

If he has dumped you but hanging around cuz he has no where else to go i'd ask him to leave,immediately! don't let him mess with your head whilst he's waiting to find something better.It's not fair on the kids anyway, to see you stressed and upset by him being there.
Get him out,now!!!

Have you got any family or a friend that could come and stay for a few days,to give you a bit of support?

Sorry this has happened to you,hope 2008 will be kinder to you...

Answer 8

WHen he goes to work put his crap outside, change those locks and call it a day. Go get a restraining order and be done with him. He can take his stuff and live with his Mommy, Buddy, Sister, Brother, Old Boss, Best Friend, New Whore who cares where he goes as long as he goes. Don't put your heart out for him to stomp on.

Note for kids: Find a baby sitter for the day. Little ones don't need to be in all the drama!

Answer 9

I'm sending you a big hug as when i've been in the same situ thats what I have wanted and needed most.

And my advice............

I know you have asked the question and both I and you know that really, deep down, you know what the best solution to this is. In my understanding of reactions you already know what you want to do and should do you just want someone to hold your hand and watch your back while your doing it. So... come on girl, we all got your back. You can do it!! You are the girl!!

Good luck.xxx (BIG HUG!!)

Answer 10

For some people Christmas is a depressing time of year, i think he has said it but doesn't mean it because he would have left. I would carry on a normal and not make a big thing of it, i am sure he will say sorry he was a bit mixed up.Good luck.